Closing Time

This blog is now closed. It details the last year of my 2 year adventure with Islam and the man I loved. Feel free to read it.

To continue following my story please visit and follow Wheel of Samsara. My email will remain inkblotsblueabayas (at) gmail.com

Thank you to those who followed inkblotsblueabayas. For all your support and love. I hope you will continue on this journey with me.

Salaam.

What Happened

I am going to tell the tale because I feel it needs to be told. I have seen too many bright young women end up in my shoes. I want this blog to be an example. Learn the lesson I learned. Some relationships between people of different religions and different cultures work. But if you are expected to change your religion, to change yourself that relationship is going to fall apart. You may love them, but love alone does not a marriage make.

I realized it when My Former Love and I were having another discussion about hijab. This was probably two months ago. We've had this conversation a thousand times in the last 1.5 years. I told him flat out I did not want to wear the scarf. He said a wife of his must wear the scarf otherwise she will not be properly respected. She will not be seen as a good Muslim. The fury began to boil in me and I as I stared at him I realized why: He had no right to ask me of that.

If he were orthodox in his behavior, I could understand the request. But he is not. He wants to date just like any other American, interact with women, wear tight shirts, go to haram events, avoid going to the mosque, and listen to music. He bends rules when its convienent for him. Doesn't make him a disbeliever, but it sure makes him unorthodox. Yet he wants to marry an orthodox woman who wears traditional hijab, goes to the mosque, looks good in front of the community and his family and is an overall pious Muslim lady.

See the problem? He didn't want to change, but he expected me to change everything. He also expected me to do a 180 once married which is basically impossible.

Problem two was his family. They want him to only marry a Pakistani. He never once in 1.5 years told them about me as his girlfriend. He is too afraid of them. He would have backed off in a second if they had said no to the white American. He did not want to stand up for me. Fear of parents and in laws who hate you for your race does not a good marriage make. Plus they never would have even looked at me as a non Muslim. They would have kicked me out the door. They don't trust convert women, his family says they always let you down. Due to one experience they had. Hold grudges hard his family does.

Add the legal problems and the possibility of leaving the country and you get the whole picture in a nutshell. Now, when we started he told me all I had to do was be Muslim. Didn't say what kind and that his family could care less what my ethnicity is. I didn't have any idea about his legal status. Turned out I had to be a orthodox Shia Muslim, his family did care A LOT, and there were major legal issues a foot that I didn't learn about till over a year into the relationship. Ladies, these things should have been red flags. I was so engrossed in Islam I barely noticed them at all. He was my source of information, my hook up into the community. These issues didn't come to light until I realized there was a slim chance of me being an orthodox Muslim (or one at all). Once I knew that wasn't going to happen, I saw all the problems we were about to face. Most I was not willing to face. And I knew he would chicken out once it came to play his part with his family. It was a lost cause from the beginning.

Ladies take care. If he is of another religion proceed with caution. If his family is directly from a Muslim country or any other country with strict cultural ties proceed with caution. Ask about his family. If they are super orthodox or seem to only stick to their ethnicity be concerned. Ask if they have had any experiences with converts or Non-Muslims. Ask questions, pay attention. Ask how they got their citizenship. Ask what he expects from a wife and hope he tells you the truth right away and doesn't withhold information. Try not to let your hormones and your heart cloud your good judgement.

This is all coming from a girl who knows. Salaam everyone, this is the last real post of inkblotsblueabayas.

End of an Era

I bet you all have noticed the changes in my posts in the past 2 months. I've noticed them too.

I really thought I could just change this blog up a bit and keep going. But its like trying to continue a book after its obviously ended. You can't. That is why there are sequels instead of books that are 5 thousand pages long. Because sometimes the story has to end and get picked up again somewhere else. Same characters, different situation, different time, different place.

That is kinda what my life is like now. When I started inkblotsblueabayas I started it to showcase RTV and you can see how well that worked out. So well, RTV ended up needing its own blog because it got pushed so far out by my exploration of Islam. And my battle with my love for well, My Love.

But now, My Love is not my love anymore. That dream of us being a happily married Muslim couple is no more. I'm leaving the Big City, and starting a new life in the midwest. I'm still studying Islam, but I get to sit back more. I don't need to read constantly, think constantly, force myself to do things. I don't feel that push to choose anymore. I feel I can take my time, take forever if I need, I no longer have to choose. I no longer have a deadline. Thank God.

I want to explore other religions again. I want to get a well rounded picture of God. I want to see Him in the eyes of many others. I want to branch out and understand the world. I want to go among the Jews, the Buddhists, the Christians, and see what they do. Just like I went among the Muslims.

I won't close Inkblotsblueabayas. I feel that it needs to stay open. I feel that it is a good tool for women who are in my past position. There are many of us who fall for a Muslim man and go through all the trials I have been through. For some it works, others it does not. But I wish there had been a resource for me to look at, so I could see what some people went through. So I could have known that his parents might be against me, he couldn't do this or that, and that the likelihood of me fulfilling his expectations were slim to none. I wish I would have had a story to read. Well, here is that story.

Before it closes I will write a post that explains what happened. What ended this era. Then, a new blog will open. And a new era will begin.

Namaste.

Ok, Its Hot Modest Ladies

Ok Ladies. I just have to say this to all my hijabi/modest sisters. Dears, lovlies....

Its hot. Stop wearing a skin tight long sleeve shirt under a maxi dress. Or a two layered scarf look with long sleeved T under a short dress over jeans. You will overheat. You will pass out.

Couple weeks ago I went to circle to see my lovely Sisters. They were all hanging out in front of the fan saying how horribly hot it was. And I looked at all of them. Each had 2-3 layers on, the bottom layer being a tight T. All of them had scarf styles that wrapped tightly around the head with an underscarf. I was in a maxi dress, square scarf in a triangle, slip and loose cardigan. I was fine. They were not in the 90 degree heat. And then they wanted to know why they were so hot!

Ladies, I love you. I don't want to see you pass out. Please be smart about what you wear in this heat. I know that some of you follow the 2 layer rule and that can be achieved without being hot. I have a few tips for the modest in this heat:

Scarf Style: I know some of you feel this is only for the aunties but a square folded in half and pinned under the chin seems to be the coolest way to go.

Maxi dress: Pair it with a loose cardigan and you are good to go. Need two layers? use a slip as well. You will stay super cool.

Light weight Abaya: They are indeed cool. Wear a light weight sheath cotton dress underneath and you will be staying cool. Avoid dark colors if possible.

Tunic shirts: these are made for heat, as in made in India. I love them. Shirt a little see through? Use a skin toned bra. No one will be able to tell. Also a tip for white: NEVER wear a white bra under a white garment. It will show right through. Always use skin tone.

Wide leg linen pants: way cooler than those tight jeans and adorable with short dresses, linen pants are the way to go. You can get them at H&M and Forever 21.

Natural fabrics: Use cotton and other natural fabrics. They let your skin breathe and allow the air to circulate.

Wide Sleeves: One of your cooling points oddly enough is your armpit. Make sure the arm hole of your shirts are wide and the sleeves are a little wide. This will allow for air flow and keep you cool.

Anyone have any other suggestions?

To The Brides...

Brides: Do not mandate a dress code for your bachelorette party. Especially if that dress code is a little black dress.

My friend is getting married. For her party we are heading to a place where these bands she likes play. Not fancy at all. I assumed that the dress code would be jeans and a t-shirt.

I was wrong.

She turns to me today and says "Do you own a little black dress?"

I, assuming she wanted to borrow it, said, "Yeah I do. Its really little and I only wore it once a long while ago for a wedding. I bet you'd like it." (My friend loves tiny clothing. Sexy, but usually somewhat sophisticated. With massive high heels.)

Then she grinned like the Cheshire Cat, "Well, you'll need it for my bachelorette party. You all are required to wear little black dresses. My girls are going to look sexy."

I starred at her, kinda like in a cartoon when the character's jaw drops and the eyes bug out. Then I laughed at her. "You know I don't wear that stuff. Besides I don't own one that I would wear in public."

She smiled. "Well then you need to get one." I saw that mischievous twinkle in her eye that let me know she knew she was getting under my skin, in a playful way.

We bantered back and forth. I asking for a little more fabric, she taking it away. I fighting for a knee length hemline, she pulling for a lower neckline. We settled on the idea of me finding a black dress that was Mad Men Style. Sexy, but sophisticated. Covered in the right places.

But she is still determined to get me into a truly little black dress.

Ladies, don't do this to your friends. Its just not cool.

My Mate List

Sarah at Climbing the Ivory Tower put up a rather fun list about what she would like in a partner. I thought this was fun and would make one myself.

1) We need to have things in common so we can actually go out and enjoy stuff together. I don't want to be like my parents who don't do anything because they have nothing in common.

2) Friendship. This is incredibly important to me because after about a year that crazy chemical attraction wears off and you are left with compatibility. One of the best ways to ensure a long relationship is friendship. It means you have more interest in each other outside of a dating relationship.

3) Kindness and understanding. I can get a little overly emotional. I need my man to be able to sit back, take it in, then calmly deal with me. Usually takes a kind and understanding person to do that.

4) Must be a geek. Its a requirement. Only a geek will ever truly understand me. Doesn't need to be full on geek, but has to understand geek-ness.

5) Someone who is independent. I don't want to have to take care of them all the time. They also can't be constantly indecisive...that drives me crazy. I want him to take initiative sometimes.

6) He can't be orthodox in any religion. Its too hard to blend orthodox and reformed. In fact, anyone too into one particular religion might not work well for me. But he does need to believe in God.

7) Intelligence. I like men I can have an actual conversation with who are interested in books and philosophy and the world, not just football.

8) He needs to have drive. I can't stand unmotivated men. If life isn't working for you do something about it. Go toward a goal.

9) Someone who's family understands the customs of the country they live in. Also, a family who is not too into their religion and can accept people from outside their culture/ethnicity.

10) Someone who will talk to me when something is bothering them. I hate when partners avoid confrontation because they don't want to upset you. Avoidance just makes things worse.

11) Someone who is an American citizen.

12) I would do well with a left brainer. As I am 100% artsy right brained, I tend to not get along well with people who are also right brained. That is because I am right brained but practical/realistic. Many right brainers are not. I prefer mathematicians, scientists, philosophers, physicologists, IT, or technicians. Maybe a graphic designer. Absolutely no actors...EVER. That mistake I will not make again.

13) Someone who does not get drunk. I really don't think I could date someone who likes to get drunk.

14) Someone who can go out on the town, but be just as ok staying in and watching TV.

15) I'd love a man who would set up romantic surprises. I've never had one of those and I think they'd be fun lol.

What do you want in man/woman?

Review: Peeps by Scott Westerfeld

Title: Peeps *****

Author: Scott Westerfeld

Genre: Fiction, Young Adult, Sci Fi/Horror

Audience: For those who love a book that will constantly keep you guessing. A fast paced thrill that may make your skin crawl. Lovers of dark, horror fantasy will enjoy this novel. And those who love science.

Content:

Ok let's clear some myths about vampires.

First of all, you won't see me using the V-word much. In the Night Watch, we prefer the term parasite positive, or peeps, for short.

The main thing to remember is there's no magic involved. No flying. Humans don't have hollow bones or wings - the disease doesn't change that. No transforming into bas or rats either. It's impossible to turn into something much smaller than yourself - where would the extra mass go?

Follow Cal on a scientific adventure through the underbelly of New York City. Cal, a freshman in college, learns very quickly after a one night stand in New York City that there is something quite special about him. Unfortunately for Cal, loosing his virginity changed his life. Cal is now a carrier of the parasite which changes people into vampire-like creatures or Peeps. Luckily for Cal, he is a carrier; All the super human abilities but none of the flesh eating madness. Cal's job is to find these crazed Peeps and bring them in to the special organization known as the Night Watch. But what does Cal do when a young journalism student stumbles onto his work? How can Cal find his progenitor, his source, to stop the parasite? And what is that horrible smell lurking in the basement of Lace's apartment building?

Opinion:

I don't normally review the young adult novels I read but this one was so good I needed to tell you all about it. Honestly, if you wave away young adult novels, saying they are too young for you, then you are missing out on a lot of amazing literature. Scott Westerfeld is better known for the Uglies series. I have so far read two books in that series, Uglies and Pretties, but found myself rather bored with Pretties. However, I love his writing. His characters are so real and his dialogue is so well crafted you think you are listening in on an actual conversation. So I wanted to give one of his other books a try. My friend, the young adult enthusiast, suggested Peeps.

And I am so glad she did.

Peeps is by far one of the best books I have read. Even if you don't like sci fi I would highly suggest this book. Honestly, its more science based then sci fi. The book centers around the idea of this ancient parasite that makes people appear like vampires (And was actually the source of the myth of the vampire). They don't run around sucking blood or anything but they do kill anything they can for meat. The parasite loves meat. We see the underbelly of New York City through the eyes of 19 year old Cal who found out after his first week in New York City that condoms really are your best friend. Contracting the parasite from a lover, he later learns that he too spread the parasite to girlfriends he had after this woman (It transfers through saliva as well). The story picks up when Cal meets Lace, a journalism student, who figures out pretty quickly that something is not right. The interaction between these two characters is priceless. They are hilarious together and so real. Cal himself is rather charming and you feel for him right away. You want to be his friend and you definitely care what happens to him.

One of the charming parts of this book is that before every chapter there is a page about a parasite. You get to learn what all different kinds of parasites can do. If you are squeamish I suggest skipping these pages. They can be a bit graphic. Not for the faint of heart.

Pick it up, give it a try. Its an amazing book.

If you like this you may like: - Tithe - Holly Black, Brave New World - Adolph Huxley, 1984 - Orwell, Uglies - Scott Westerfeld, AIr - G. Willow Wilson

END OF AUGUST!

As you know, I'm moving out of my apartment end of August. Now, my original lease date is Oct 1 but due to when my friends need to get an apartment I need to leave a month early. I called the building, who transfered me to a broker (Brokers are like realistate agents for apartments but shadier). The broker and I agreed that if we could find someone to rent the place by September 1st I could get my security deposit back. Seemed fair. He then asked me if he could start showing the place this weekend.

Of course I said NO. My place is a disaster. Its a horrible mess. Plus I haven't solved the mold problem in the bathroom (never take an apt that doesn't have ventilation in the bathroom) and my kitchen frightens even me. I stumbled with shock saying there was no way my apartment was in any condition to show. That I needed at least 2 weeks to get it going, even though he wants to show it next weekend. He said fine and to call him when its ready. Seemed fair so I thanked him and hung up.

5pm today I get a call. Its the broker. He wants to show someone the apartment.

>_<

'WTF? Did I call you!?' I wanted to shout. I was so shocked, he didn't even give me a chance to say no. He showed up 1 minute later with a young man. My place: tornado might as well hit it it looks so bad. Everything is out of the closets because I'm reorganizing. The young man looks pleased though. Then the broker turns to me and asks:

"When are you moving?"

O_O

"September 1st. Not till September 1st."

The young man looks at me wide-eyed, then at the broker. "Dude that doesn't work. I need an apartment August 1st, not September. I don't think I can wait that long."

Broker, "I'm just showing you this place because its similar to the apartment that is open August 1st that is just below this one. That's all."

Found out later from my super's wife, who finds the broker to be an appalling man, that the apartment below me is nothing remotely like mine. At all. Its a one bedroom and isn't even set up like mine. Nor does it have the awesome view of the skyline.

This broker, who funny enough was the one who got me the apartment in the first place, was trying to trick this man. This broker probably would have made me leave early if it had benefited him.

And I am putting my security deposit in the hands of this guy?

....Wish me luck.

PARTY DRESS!

I JUST WON THIS ON EBAY!

I'm very excited :) ebay is evil btw. It will suck in your soul because you will want to win stuff. Then it makes you spend way more than you wanted to because you want to win. Luckily, this was very inexpensive.

Ladies, learn your clothing measurements. You can get really nice clothes for really cheap. This is a shift dress from the 1960s. This was $25 including the shipping. $25!!!! The vintage store up the block from my office would have easily charged $125 for the same dress. It pays to play ebay.

I love ebay. But its still evil.

Hijab is Not Relative

I have thought about this a lot and have come to the conclusion that although I wanted terribly for it to be so, hijab is not relative to culture. Modesty is but hijab is not. Hijab is not another word for modesty. It is a strict dress code for Muslim men and women. It is not about modesty but rather about privacy. The word hijab (as referenced HERE) actually translates to curtain or more specifically a curtain used for privacy. Hijab, if you really look at it, is way more about privacy then modesty. Its about keeping men at an arms distance and protecting women from the sight of others. If we are covered head to toe, no one can see us and our privacy cannot be invaded. The hijab "dress code" amplifies this with the requirements of covering everything with loose fabric other than the face and hands. No one can see anything, the woman's body is only known to herself. Her privacy is secured.

Hijab also deals with giving women their rights as far as treatment but I have not see that work as well as it should. Yes, it keeps men from making advances in a country like America but go to some "Muslim" countries and they will be all over the hijabis or harassing them. I love the intention of hijab but hijab on its own will not gain you respect. The culture has to respect hijab for a hijabi to be respected. Sadly, a lot of Islamic cultures do not respect hijab or hijab is so common they look right past what it means. And the men take hijab as a license to behave badly, like they have no self control. But what hijab does achieve in the west is a sense of modesty which does gain a woman a certain amount of respect she would not have in a mini skirt and tube top. So at least that is progress.

Factor in the social edicate portion and you have a full behavioral code. Hijab tells us to lower our gaze and cover our selves. Many a hadith will be interpreted to mean that we must also avoid speaking to men, befriending men, and working/interacting with them. Now yes this has some good points but in a non Muslim society that can be quite difficult. I personally find it unnecessary and could not get use to the way I had to interact with my male friends in the presence of other Muslims. I especially could not get over the fact that my one friend had to wait at the end of the block after circle so he could ride the train home with me late at night. This was for my safety but the sheikh would have disapproved so he hid the kind intention. How does that make sense? I think, in the case of male/female interaction, there are good intentions that are often taken quite too far.

As much as many of us would like, we can't really bend the rules and call it hijab. They are all encompassing and involve every aspect of our lives as women. One can't really say that a knee length skirt with a half sleeve top and no scarf is hijab. Is it modest by American standards? Yes. But hijab? No. This was my biggest struggle. I wanted hijab and modesty to mean the same thing but they just don't. Hijab is a dress code and a way of being. It affects the way you speak, interact, and move. Its all encompassing. Modesty is not all encompassing, modesty does not have a strict set of rules. Modesty is relative to what your culture dictates is modest. If you accept an orthodox approach to Islam then you have to accept the orthodox definition of hijab. I could not accept it and it tourchered me. Especially the scarf. I see no reason why I should ever have to wear a scarf. I do not see men falling over themselves at the sight of my hair. Sometimes I think if God wanted us covered head to toe we would have been born with fur. This does not mean, however, that I find no value in modesty. I find a tremendous value in modesty and choose to dress modest myself. But I do not see why one must wear a scarf. I do not see how not wearing a scarf gets me sent to Hell as many speakers would have you believe. That means that the majority of the female population is heading straight to Hell because they do not wear a scarf. This concept just baffles me.

I applaud women who choose to follow hijab, but I also think it should be ok to be Muslim and not wear the stated requirements. However, I do think that if you choose not to wear or follow hijab, you will have a very difficult time being an orthodox Muslim. Which is how hijab became one of the main reasons I had to break off my relationship. Without hijab, the scarf in particular, I could never have been "Muslim" enough. I would like people to stop and think before they attack each other over something so simple as a scarf or a specific dress code. Because people attack by what they see on the outside, not the inner hijab. A dress code does not make you a good Muslim; your belief in Allah and the teachings of Muhammad are what make you a good Muslim. Scarf or no scarf.

Back from the Party and a T length Dress

I'm back from the party! It was fun, nice to see my extended family. I very rarely ever see them. Especially great to see my cousin who would probably be one of my best friends if I lived closer. But fortunately she and I will live quite close to each other real soon YAY!

I wore what I call a "Mad Men" dress to the reception. It is a t length (calf length) full skirt dress with short sleeves and a boat neck. I got it on ebay for a great price and its from the early 1960s. I love it. And I realized something that night.

It was so nice not to be concerned that my lower leg was showing. On top of that I realized I really didn't care if my lower leg was showing. I didn't feel like I was being immodest or inappropriate. I just felt pretty and comfortable. I'm not saying I'm going to start running around in mini skirts, but I think my opinion on what I need to wear is changing. Its becoming more of a high bred of hijab and American modesty which suits me just fine. I also cut quite a bit of hair off and now have chin length hair which means I wear my hair down all the time. This too does not make me feel immodest at all. I'm actually starting to wonder why there was a point in my life I made such a big deal over my hair being down in the first place. But I guess its just like another blogger friend said: You get the compulsion to cover, and then you get the compulsion to do something else. Doesn't make one better than the other but sometimes God tells us to do something for a period of time and once we gain the knowledge He saute for us we can somewhat return to what we were. I learned a lot from completely covering but I think God is telling me its time to find my happy medium :).

For The Moments I Feel Faint

Lovely song by Relient K. Check it out. My friend is using this for her wedding.

Prayer Books

I am looking for prayer books and I am wondering if you all have any suggestions. I currently have:

Psalms (David)

Sirach

Psalms of Islam

They can be of any religion as long as its about God, to God, thanking God, happiness, joy, good fortune etc. I'd love a Buddhist one :). Think happy thoughts.

If you have suggestions, leave them in the comment section. English books only please.

Excerpt from Pretties by Scott Westerfeld

pg 308-309

Maybe the barriers around Tally's pretty world weren't as obvious as the little men hanging in the trees, but they were just as hard to escape. She remembered how Peris had chickened out as he'd looked down on the wild from the balloon, suddenly unwilling to jump and leave behind everything he'd known. Everyone in the world was programmed by the place they were born, hemmed in by their beliefs, but you had to at least try to grown your own brain. Otherwise, you might as well be living on a reservation, worshipping a bunch of bogus gods.

Sisterhood

I'm going tomorrow to say goodbye one last time to all the ladies at the Sunday school. Its the last weekend I can attend before they close for the summer. And I will miss them terribly. Some of the most wonderful women I have met have been my Muslim girlfriends. It pains me so to leave them behind. One of the main reasons I go to circle is just to see them. Its nice to learn too, but I love to see my girls. It will be sad to see them no more.

Sisterhood is a beautiful thing: I have never seen it the way it is in Islam. They are just so loving, so welcoming. Its like belonging to a little club. Its extrodinary that no matter where you go if you have a scarf on you will find another sister who will say "salaam" or give you that little smile they give to each other. Its quite remarkable. Its probably my favorite part about Islam.

But we can have sisterhood outside of Islam too. I have only experienced this with anime fans. Anime fans have a similar way of interacting. If you are an Otaku (anime fan), you are part of a secret club. They will find you, and they will greet you in a special Otaku way. Otakus usually have an idenifying thing whether it be an anime keychain or necklace or a pin on their bag. And when you find them you smile. Because you know they are one of you. Konnichi-wa!

But its not quite like it is in Islam :)

Some Things You Can't Separate

You can't separate culture from Islam completely. You can try, but it won't work. I have come to this conclusion.

And you say " But yes you can! Lots of non-Arabs are Muslims!"

This is true. And yes they have found a way to combine cultures sure. But the reason you cannot separate culture from Islam completely is simple:

The culture is in the Qur'an. It is in the Hadith. It is Shariah.

Its there, in plain Arabic. Now, culture is in the Bible and Torah too but the difference is that the words of these books are not considered directly from God. They are inspired. Therefore, their words do not need to be followed exactly as they were thousands of years ago. But for the Muslims, the Qur'an does. A lot of the advancements in the Qur'an were based on the situation of the culture at the time. I feel that is mainly why there were polygamy rules, percentage rules for woman's inheritance, covering rules, etc. They all applied directly to the time the Qur'an was revealed. They were revolutionary for that small community. These words improved their society, made it way more just and practical then it ever had been.

But that was 1400+ years ago. Can we really expect rules and regulations, applied as they were 1400+ years ago, to function as well as they did back then? No, we cannot. These rules are so heavily based upon the issues and culture of that particular civilization that some do not even apply to our modern societies. But we try to do so, and its very difficult. I can't get use to them. To having to behave is such an odd fashion with men. To having to wear an overcoat in 90 degree heat or a scarf. To having to say many many Arabic terms. To getting use to the idea of arranged marriage and polygamy as ok. I just can't do it.

Add on the fact that Shariah and other Islamic practices are 100% middle eastern and you get the whole package. From the clothing you are expected to wear, to the food you can get at Halal restaurants, to the holiday practices and languages spoke at the masjid. No music, its haram, no dogs they are haram, no interaction with the opposite sex they are haram. How can one expect to blend our Western culture with a culture that is its antithesis?

I couldn't figure it out. But I'd love to hear from anyone who did.

Note: This is part of a series entitled "Islam Revisited"

Apartment Tips and Horror Stories

Many of you are probably graduating college (Praise God) and are looking for your first apartment. You can't contain your excitement. You finally get your own place. You pick the first place you find. It looks amazing, the price is great, you are stoked.

And you find out soon enough...its a dud. Apartments can be deceiving, especially in big cities. They have this amazing talent of hiding even huge problems. I am going to give you a few tips that I've learned in three years of living in the Big City.

1) Make sure the shower doesn't leak. If you live in an old building you will end up with rust in your bathtub. You will be cleaning it twice a week. Turn the shower on when you go look at the place then turn it off. If it keeps dripping, you will probably have this problem.

2) Ventilation in the bathroom - this is important not for why you think. No ventilation means mold. And it sucks to try and clean away the mold all the time. Leaving the bathroom door open while you shower doesn't help either.

3) Watch for holes in the walls - Holes in the walls mean mice. If there are a lot of them there is a good chance you will get little critters visiting you. My first apartment was picked by my roommate before I moved out here. Due to the massive amount of holes we ended up with centipedes and mice. LOTS of mice. So many that you saw them during the day! Pull a box off a shelf, out pops a mouse. Not a pretty picture.

4) Make sure your windows have screens. Yep. Some big city apartments don't have screens. Go figure.

5) Make sure the fridge is super cold. My fridge doesn't get cold which means I have to push everything to the back of it and can't put anything on the door. Its very annoying.

6) Make sure your Super actually fixes stuff. This is hard to do but you can always ask another tenant. I actually love my Super, he fixes everything that he can anyway. Some of my apt issues need a real plumber...and brand new pipes.

7) Pay attention to the neighborhood - again, my old roommate did not do this. We ended up with a cheap apt alright, but a crappy neighborhood. You should not hear gunshots at night. You can usually tell by how the area is presented. If its run down, there is a good chance its not so good yet. Also pay attention to the people around you. If you are uncomfortable in that area then its not the place for you. This is especially important for women.

8) Make sure you have laundry near by - again, first apt did not. I had to walk over half a mile to do my laundry. Not cool. If you can get a place with laundry in the building its so worth it.

9) If you are not going to have a car then make sure you live somewhere that does not need one - haha again first apt. We lived in a place where you need a car which was fine when my friends with a car lived down the block. But once we had a falling out I was left walking almost 2 miles to the grocery store. I really hated that first apt.....

10) Get roommates - you may not want them but they will make things a lot cheaper. I love having my own apt but the cost is astronomical. I simply can't afford it but I do since I had a bad roommate experience. Second roomie was cool though so its possible. I highly recommend it. But don't live with people you work with, it gets too complicated. And for all that is good and holy do NOT live with your boyfriend....trust me.

11) Keep a gallon of water on you at all times - you never know when they will randomly shut off your water. And they will do this.

12) If you don't have central air - a lot of places in big cities do not due to the age of the buildings. This means a wall unit. Most likely, you will need to buy one yourself. This is a good thing because then you can buy an energy efficent model. Get one that has an "energy saver" option which shuts the air conditioner off once the room reaches the desired temperature. Also, only run your air conditioner when absolutely necessary. Running the air conditioner, even if you only run it from when you get home from work to when you leave the next morning, will double your electric bill.

13) Don't go furniture crazy - You will not live here the rest of your life. Do not buy all matching items to fit the place and get all fancy. Its a waste of money because most likely those items will not fit just right into the next place you move. Get that fancy kitchen table when you get married :).

14) Storage space - this is a must. Look for a place with at least 3 closets: one for clothes, one for stuff, one for a pantry. It will make your life so much easier. Make sure you only take to your new place what you really need. My current apt is the same size as my bedroom at home. Except now I live in that small space. You gotta consolidate. Take things to Good Will or sell them on ebay. I know that is my plan.

So hopefully this helps a few. You can learn from my Big City mistakes. Pray to God that my third apartment is better....and has a dish washer. God please give me a dish washer :)

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

There have been a lot of break ups around me recently. I find the end of a relationship to be an interesting thing. Its not usually so much an end but a change. Perhaps the end of an era. Your relationship doesn't necessarily end, it just changes. It becomes something different. On occasions where a relationship ends badly (such as over adultery, abuse etc) the relationship itself often does come to an end. Especially if the "love" you had for that person wasn't really love at all.

But when a relationship ends due to outside sources such as religion, family, or culture its different. You still have love for that person even though you can't marry them due to too many outside conflicts. Its frustrating, disappointing, but I actually find it easier to deal with. I have had two relationships end this way, and one like the former. I am still friends with these two men because we did not end our relationship due to internal issues, more to external issues. The first it was because we were too young, 16 at the time, and I could not make a life long commitment at that age. We also wanted to live in different places and wanted different things for our lives. But after 10 years of knowing each other we are still friends. The second, and most current, was over religion, culture, family, and legal issues. In this case too many outside sources to balance. We were great between each other but once you started adding in what we needed for marriage the relationship did not add up. If you need to drastically change yourself to make a relationship work then the relationship will never work as well as needed. It won't be you in the relationship, it will be a fabrication of yourself. And that is not good for you, nor is it good for your partner.

Do I still love him? Of course. You never stop loving someone. But love does not a marriage make. Marriage is built on Love, Friendship, and Compatibility. Compatibility can include culture, religion, family, and the like. You do need to have a way to balance interior and exterior influences in a marriage. If you can't find a balance, most likely it is not the marriage for you.

Not Obviously Muslim Headwraps

Ok ladies I need your help.

Due to my current state of confusion I'm feeling really self conscious when I wear a scarf in an obviously Muslim way. I do so because frankly its the easiest way to fulfill the requirements needed for me to enter a mosque. However, it is making me uncomfortable because I don't feel very Muslim right now; I feel like a poser.

Anyone have a suggestion on what I can do? I know I can do a spanish wrap but then I have to wear a turtleneck and its getting awfully hot. Or I can wear 2 scarves, one on my head one around my neck.

Eh, its just so much easier to throw on a square scarf and be done. Maybe I can just deal with being uncomfortable.

New Header

The blog changed, if you can't already tell :).

I thought I'd tell you what the painting is in my new header.

EDIT: The name of the painting is "All That Is Seen and Unseen" (if you can tell me where the title comes from you get ...a cookie LOL Your clue is: I will be shocked if Amber doesn't know the answer ;) )

The painting represents the paradox of Faith. Faith is suppose to light your way through life but often blinds you to the rest of the world and other religions. The background is an overlapping of many different religious symbols. She is searching for her way, but is having trouble seeing through her faith. You have to caste off the blindfold to see the truth.

I felt this piece is very appropriate for the the blog. And I do love it so :).

For you artsy people its : MDF board mounted at 52" by 18" acrylic airbrush with pastels and watercolor pencils over a charcoal underdrawing. An absurd amount of hours, definitely my fav of the series (there is also hope, truth, and love.)

Awwww

A friend posted this on my facebook wall. Its from givesmehope.com

I recently rung up a young boy and his mother. When he saw me at the register, wearing a hijab, he grinned broadly at me. As they were walking away afterwards, he tugged on his mom's sleeve and said,
"Did you see her, ma? She's gorgeous! I bet that's why she's all covered up."
He GMH.

SO CUTE.

Article: Mos(que) Hysteria

Villager

This I just can't understand. Thousands of people are up in arms because a group of Muslims want to build a center near the World Trade Center that promotes unity, understanding, and peace. And somehow, because it is attached to Islam, it doesn't belong there. Because apparently thousands of people think all Muslims are terrorists and don't belong within reach of WTC. They are trying to counteract and condemn the people who bombed the WTC but does anyone hear that? No. All they hear is Islam and Islam equals Terrorism. I am well aware of what happened on 9/11. I live here, I get it. But they want to fix what these people did and better the community. What is wrong with that?

This kind of thing I will never understand.

I'm Being Interviewed?

I logged into DA today to find out that my Unity drawing won the Unity Contest at Muslim-Manga. You can see the drawing HERE. Now, I entered this contest almost 2 months ago so I figured I didn't win. The interview will be on Islamunity.net. I have informed them that I am not Muslim as that may affect what questions they ask me. No clue what the interview will be about.

We shall see how it goes.

The Artist and the Ambulance

I am irrationally terrified of driving. If there is a phobia of driving I have it. The thought of getting behind the wheel of a car after 2.5 years of not driving makes my chest hurt and hands shake with fear. I have always been convinced that my life will end in a car accident. Or worse, I will be paralyzed for life. Every time I get into a car I pray that God will let me live to my destination. I even had an angel figure and a blessed rosary in my old car in college. Pretty sure I had Buddhist prayer beads too.

The fear of driving is so overwhelming and right now I am overcome by the fact that I will have to learn to drive everywhere again. In a few short months I will have to drive. And I really don't like that idea. The Big City has allowed me to only take public transportation. No worries of injury or death. You've seen how people drive, its terrifying! Honestly, their should be better assessments for driver's licenses....and for procreation but that's another subject all together.

So how does one get over their fear of driving? By driving of course. I had gotten to the point in college where I never drove. I made my boyfriend drive all the time. I was so paranoid of everything. I had a major anxiety disorder. Now, that anxiety only surfaces in the face of driving a car. I gotta go back to the country, get behind the wheel, and drive.

I wish we still road horses everywhere....they are much easier than cars. At least a horse won't crash into another horse. Though he might throw you over a fence, but that is a story for another day.

NOTE: Artist and the Ambulance is actually a title of a song by Brandnew. I think of its video every time I get into a car. Couple, doing fine, driving in a storm, BAM. End of happiness.

A few changes

Well here is the big news:

I'm moving. To the big city near where my parents live and my birth place.

And you wonder: how did you come to that conclusion?

Well, I'm tired of this city, not doing too much. I don't have a lot of friends here and if I want to continue to study religions I can easily do so in this new city. Plus my family needs some help and I miss my friends.

And then of course the obvious: My Love and I have decided not to marry. All is still good Thank God but we have realized we would not make the best pair. I cannot be the type of Muslim he needs. I'm not even sure if I can be a Muslim, that will take years to know. And due to some circumstances, he does not have years to get married. Its now or never. So I choose friendship and God Willing that is the right choice for both of us.

I will continue to study, the blog will continue but it may evolve and change as I change. RTV will still go on as well. Visit the RTV blog to read about its changes HERE.

I pray for the best for both of us. And that I can learn how to drive again. I'm so terrified of driving. Really, its ridiculous. But that is another post.

Salaam.

I'm Back

Hi everyone,

I'm back!

I have some more things to sort out so no actual thought provoking posts for awhile. Unless you want me to post on all the young adult novels I've been reading :).

Uglies by Scott Westerfeld is fantastic BTW

Hope everyone is well.

Leave of Absence

Hi everyone.

I'm going to be gone for about a week. If I don't reply to your comments please don't be offended. If I don't have anything to say on your blog its because I'm currently taking a break from all blogs, not just my own.

Some big things are happening. I am at a crossroads looking down over the edge. Gotta wait to see which way the wind blows. See which way to fall.

Peace to you all. Salaam, Shalom.

Article: Violence and the Qur'an, Bible actually has more

Fascinating article about the amount of violence in both the Qur'an and the Bible. Christians need to look at their book before saying the Qur'an only promotes violence. For those that don't know, the Bible, especially the Old Testiment, is horribly violent. Especially to the unbelievers.

BOSTON GLOBE

Injury During Prayer

Warning: If your abaya has large buttons down the front be careful not to kneel on them when you go into sujood. You will in fact get a large, button sized bruise on your knee. And it will HURT!

Ouch.

Article: All Pakistanis Are Terrorists

Amazing Article at Al Jazeera HERE. About the racial profiling of Pakistanis in Western countries especially since the recent botched attach on Time Square. (Thank God)

I'm really having enough of this. The freaking Arizona Immigration Law aka legal racial profiling and this too?! Are we back to the slave days? Are we back to the 40s and 50 were african americans were instantly no good because of their skin color and Jews were still not considered nearly as good as Christians? Have we reverted that far back to now blindly discriminating for no reason against all Pakistanis, Middle Easterners, and Muslims?

It seems so. God help this world we live in.

Hallelujah

I was walking home from Sunday School yesterday in probably the worst heat wave we've had in awhile. I spent most of my walk fighting with my scarf as the tail kept threatening to wrap itself around my head. As I was walking I pasted a huge Korean church and outside of that church hobbled a little old Asian man with a cane. The little man raised up his hand and yelled "Hallelujah!" at me as we passed each other in opposite directions. I didn't know what to do so I waved back at him and smiled. In retrospect, I probably should have said "Hallelujah" back to him but I was too stunned. I'm use to "Salaam" but not "Hallelujah".

Any idea what that was about?

Note: "Hallelujah" means "Praise the Lord."

Circle: An Islamic Culture

Sorry I've been a bit quiet, I haven't had much to say. But I thought I'd mention what was talked about in Circle since so many have been talking about culture. We discussed how to develop a new culture for our generation that combines the culture of the parents (or Eastern Culture), American Culture, and Islam. All of the youth present were very interested in finding a way to break down some of the un-Islamic practices of the Aunties and Uncles and to find a way to start emphasizing what Islam really says. All were interested in trying to stop the backbiting that is heavily present in the mosque. What I gathered from them was that in the Desi (Indo-Pakistani) community gossip is a huge problem. Its all people do at the mosque. And of course their was an interest in loosening some of the separation rules between the men and women that didn't exist in the prophet's time (complete separation, no conversations with opposite sex, not knowing your spouse at all before marriage etc). These are very cultural practices that history clearly states were not the only way to do things while Muhammad (as) was alive (everyone prayed together, he had conversations with women, the Prophet was friends with his wife first etc). There was also a great interest in breaking down the racism and prejudices present in different ethnic communities so the first generation could be more free to befriend and/or marry whomever they please. Yes, there are even some parents who won't let their kids have friends outside of their ethnicity much less outside of their school or religion. Its a big problem when trying to create unity and spreading a good image of Islam.

But how do you change the behavior of your elders when you are told to respect them? One young man brought up the verse about how you should obey your parents unless they are asking you to do something which is against your religion. Many of these elders are asking just that of the youth (backbiting, limits on marriage due to prejudice, barring the women from the mosque etc). Another suggested that you need to befriend someone who is more influential at the mosque and when you have a good idea respectfully suggest it to that person and then let that person suggest it to the community. They all agreed that we can't change the elders but we can slowly change the behavior so by the time we are the elders changes will have been made for the better of the second generation.

And we kinda had to stop there because it got really late.

What do you think, as first generation and converts and students/friends of Islam, we can do to improve the condition of the ummah and wipe out some of the un-Islamic things present in our communities today?

The Censorship of South Park and Our Culture's Courage

One of the most well written articles I have ever read. Its moving, to the point, and makes it very clear that Islam and Muslims do not agree with this extremist.

Toonzone article

Be aware, there are political cartoons of the Prophet in the article.

What is "Clothing of the Unbelievers" ?

Reading This Post from Hegab Rehab brought this back to mind. A lot of the girls comment about not wearing the clothing of the "unbelievers". What is that exactly? Some will say all Western clothing because most think westerners don't believe in God at all or are Agnostic. Some will say clothing with loud prints or color. Some will say anything that isn't an abaya/jilbab. Some will say only Arab clothing/ Indian clothing is any good. Some will say no pants! They say we can't wear certain kinds of clothing because then we look like these people who don't believe in God and look "not Muslim".

Which always brings this to my head since they love to tell us we can't wear Western clothes since it makes us look like an unbeliever. My answer is: you think shalwar kameez is appropriate clothing right? Hindus wear shalwar kameez and they are polytheist. So wouldn't that make you look both like a non-muslim and a polytheist? I certainly think Hindu before Muslim when I see an Indian woman in a Shalwar Kameez.

Seriously though, I think it actually means to not go so far off base that no one would even believe you are Muslim if they looked at you. If you are running around in a mini skirt and tube top with your hair down and lots of makeup then you say to someone "I'm a Muslim" no one will believe you. You don't look like one and the behavior contradicts every hijab ruling of the Qur'an. You look like an "unbeliever". You might not be an unbeliever, but you look like one because you are ignoring every rule laid out for you by the Qur'an. You look like you don't believe in the rulings God gave you. I really think this is what that means. Not "no Western clothing". Because even if you don't wear a scarf but follow all the other modesty requirements you can still look like a believer. Some will obviously disagree (Please no more hadiths or Ayahs Ive seen them all), but if you take hijab into your heart and dress modestly you can still be more a believer than one who walks the walk but does not talk the talk so to speak. Looking like you follow hijab is not enough: you have to follow it with your heart too.

What do you all think?

Circle 4'23'10

Last night they talked about making time for Allah (swt). And I realized how, before Islam, I made very little time for God. How I was barely aware of God, not like I am now. Now I am aware of God all the time, trying to get closer. I think the issue before was I didn't know how and Islam has showed me how to do so. YAY for that!

But unfortunately my issue is not the religion. I am starting to wonder if there are just too many cultural things weaved into Islam. So many that I'm not sure I can ever fit. Yes I have a couple convert friends and they are a gift from God but listening to all of them talk yesterday left me with a feeling of dread. Dread that I will never be able to function in this heavily biased culture. A couple of us went to get something to eat and they were talking about marriage. One girl mentioned how we should branch out into different cultures. How she has a friend who has been trying to marry this Arab guy for 3 years but because she is Indian his parents won't let him marry her; and they are perfect for each other. To my surprise, the other agreed with the parents! They said that it is probably best to stay within your culture because it just makes life easier and the parents won't make your life hell over it. And I thought to myself "Then who are the converts suppose to marry if you and your fiancee and the families all have to be the same culture?" But I also realized that even though these people are wonderful, they barely socialize with people outside their culture. That is also a major Islamic issue. They won't even branch out to talk to other Muslims from other cultures. And don't get me started on the Sunni Shia thing. My convert friend told me a story about how his wife and him went to an iftar dinner at a friends and when prayer came the husband of the friend found out my friend was Shia. He promptly kicked them out!!!!

*sigh* maybe Islam is mostly culture. And thus, if you are not Eastern, you are kinda outta luck until an American chapter fully opens up.

Boobquake

Salon.com

I love the journalist's response to this rather backwards cause. Cause she is 100% right. Lets objectify ourselves to show we are free...uhuh ok, welcome to Western feminism where less clothes = more free.

Right.

Tired of the South Park BS

Ok...I've had it! I spent over an hour at work trying to explain to people that Muslims DO NOT AGREE WITH THIS EXTREMIST!!!! Most Muslims, do not think the writers from South Park should die! Of all the stupid ignorant BS I've heard! Somehow, one guy's opinion becomes everyone. Then, I get on DA and one of my favorite artists is posting the article and everyone is bashing ALL MUSLIMS again. How did this ONE GROUP become EVERYONE!

And why is it that the real Muslims are not saying something!? Why are they not saying "We disagree that the writers should be killed but we do think the cartoon was uncalled for. However, this guy is wrong and we do not support his actions against the writers." Why is no one coming out in the open and saying this? Why do Muslims stay so quiet and not stand up for themselves. They hide in the shadows and do nothing. I don't get it. If you don't say anything people will just assume its true. Heck, I'm wondering if its true sometimes I hear it so often and I have an education in Islam. You just hear about these things so often.....

I can't take it anymore. I just can't take the idiocy, on both sides. I want out. If I don't convert it will be because of things like this. Because I cannot live my life constantly defending myself to everyone, everyday because of a few stupid extremist idiots who feel they have to kill everyone who does something they don't like.

I've really had enough with all the hate.

It Hurts My Heart

I've really had enough at this point. I'm tired of groups going out of their way to publicly humiliate another knowing full well its going to cause them great pain. I'm tired of sects fighting with each other, doing so much internal damage that its not a wonder that no one can fix the external damage. I'm tired of so called "clerics" of all religions making absurd rulings that do a ton of damage to the people that follow the religion; one because they are believing false things and two people from outside the religion will think that is the truth. I'm tired of culture, on both sides. I'm tired of no one taking the time to understand each other. If we all just stopped and tried to find out what the other is about all these conflicts could be on their way to finding a solution. But we can't seem to take that time to learn. To remove our predjudice and learn. Knowledge is one of the greatest gifts God gave us. Why do we refuse to use it? Why do we not use our intellect as God intended?

Why do we spend so much time on trying to hurt each other when there are so many things we need to do in this world?! God put us here for a reason! He brought the prophets for a reason! We are here to help take care of His earth. To help Him care for it, nurture it. We are not doing that. We are destroying it by destroying ourselves.

May God have mercy on us all....we're going to need it.

Immodesty Causes Earthquakes

Salon.com

And this is why the US cannot find much respect for Islam. Every time some "cleric" says something like this we go two steps back. And it happens A LOT. And this is purely non-sense and and frankly makes Muslims look rather stupid.

Oh Tehran, why? You are better than that....I hope.

Morning Prayer Song

By Islam Salaam

This is just so lovely.

Review: Even Angels Ask

Title: Even Angels Ask *****

Author: Jeffery Lang

Genre: Non-Fiction, Memoir, Advice (copyright 1997)

Audience: For those on the fence between converting and not converting to Islam. The "Second Generation" American Muslims who need to take a look at how to understand their faith in America. For all Muslims, especially first generation, so they can see the damage that has been done to the Ummah.

Content:

"Even Angels Ask" covers three major points on converting: Why people convert, why people, who seem to love and thrive in Islam, do not covert, and lastly why people leave Islam. Jeffery Lang uses his own life stories to illustrate his points beautifully and can make the convert and "pre-convert" feel like they are not alone; in fact, someone understands them completely. His sub-theme is that of the condition of the Muslim Ummah and how it drastically needs a second look. He goes into depth about the issues of Middle-Eastern culture verses the religion and how Muslims need to start taking a second look at what they are really doing. That they need to look at their behavior and realize they are harming their Ummah.

Opinion:

This book touch me deeply. It is definitely in the top 5 best books I have ever read. Jeffery Lang tells his story in such an honest fashion that one easily identifies with his short comings and revelations. He beautifully describes the human struggle for faith; how it is never ending regardless of your religious faith. Professor Lang talks at length about the need for tolerance in the Ummah. It did not surprise me that one of the main reasons converts leave Islam or people choose not to convert is the feeling that the Ummah pushed them out, that they were unwanted due to their culture or differences in interpretation. He also talks about the great difficulties of being Muslim in America, the prejudice, hatred, and discrimination felt by many (especially women) in American society. Written in 1997, the book covers the treatment of Muslims prior to 9/11. I was shocked to see that before 9/11 things were actually worse than they are now. I didn't even know what a Muslim was in 1997, but apparently they were being horribly treated in this country much like the Jews in the 1940's and 1950's. Unwanted, ridiculed, and put down. The difference, as Jeffery Lang explains, was that the Muslim community was also attacking itself causing even greater unrest in the Ummah than we have today. He has countless stories of groups (even groups within Sunni or Shia schools) not allowing others to come into the mosque. he tells a story of how three women converts wanted to come to prayer at the mosque and the men were so vile the women gave up: none of these women remained Muslim.

This is a beautiful book and I recommend it especially to those on the fence about converting. It touched my heart and made me realize that I am not alone in how I feel. That countless people go through what I am going through everyday and it is ok. It is ok to be afraid of the Ummah, of your society, of the pressures of people. It is natural. That even if you have a religious family it is possible to reconcile after conversion. But most importantly, regardless of what religion you choose, God loves you.

If you like this you may like: Anger - Thich Naht Hanh, No God But God - Reza Aslan, When Bad Things Happen To Good People - Harold Kushner, Struggling to Surrender - jeffery Lang

Vintage Hijabi

I've been watching a lot of Mad Men. Oh how I wish we still dressed that way. So classy, so sophisticated. No plugging necklines, rediculously tight skirts (unless you're Joan). Just class class class.

Watching Mad Men has put me into a vintage phase again. I love vintage and I have a few vintage dresses in my wardrobe. My favorites are the maxi dresses from the 60s and 70s. Here are a few I found on ebay. Maybe they will inspire you to go retro :)

I just bought this one. I'm in love with the jacket. Oh so many things I can do! And I got it for under $20USD!

I'm considering this one as well. Although it will involve some sewing as its too big but I can get it for under $30! Its just so cool. I love the neckline.

Fun and Flirty. Pair it with a cardigan and you are all set.

I love the sleeves and how it drapes.

Happy Shopping

Upsy Daisy: Yusuf Islam

This has to be one of the cutest things I have ever seen!!!!!

Even Angels Ask: How Did You Become Muslim?

Pg 143

Perhaps the simplest and truest statement we can offer is this: At one special moment of our lives - a moment that we could never have foreseen when we were younger - God, in His infinite knowledge and kindness, had mercy on us. Maybe he saw in us a need so great, a pain so deep, or an emptiness so vast. An maybe, He also saw in us a readiness. However, He made it come to be, to Him we are eternally thankful. Truly, all praise and thanks belong to God.

I think this can go for anyone who finds their religion or converts to another. For anyone that finds their way. Subhannallah!

The Mustard Yellow Dress

I handed over my favorite dress to a friend today for a formal event. Its mustard yellow silk with a slight sheen. It comes just below the knee cut in a style similar to what Joan on Mad Men often wears; timeless, beautiful, and elegant. And as I handed this dress over to my very excited friend I realized something:

I will never get to wear this dress again if I become a muslim.

The shock hit me like a ton of bricks. I won't wear this dress again. This gorgous, modest by American standards dress. This dress I love. I realized there were a few other skirts that come just below the knee and other dresses I also won't be able to wear because Islam does not consider tights to be proper lower leg covering. I realized that many of my gorgous, modest long semi-formal dresses will never be worn without a cardigan over them. That the beautiful details at the neck and shoulders, the parts that make the dress, will never be seen. My heart sank when I realized that my choice will be taken away from me. Right now, modesty is a choice. But as a muslim, its an obligation. And I wonder if, as an obligation, it will eventually become a burden. A bitter, unhappy burden. All because it is no longer my choice.

In "Even Angels Ask" Jeffery Lang talks about how much more difficult converting to Islam is for women mostly due to two factors: foreign cultural standards in the Islamic community and the drastic physical changes a muslim woman convert has to make. He mentions that the Islamic community should lighten up so to speak when involving female converts. That they should be sympathetic when she cannot wear the veil or feels the need to wear tights so she can put on her favorite skirt that is only a few inches too short. He emphasizes the need for understanding, support and balance all of which are not present for converts in the majority of muslim communities. THANK GOD the community I am in is so supportive. Insha'Allah I will get the opportunity to thank them when I give a speech in the coming months.

So what I wonder from any of you is: Did modesty become a burden once it became an obligation?

Even Angels Ask: Women Converts

Even Angels Ask By Jeffery Lang pg 98

When a man converts to Islam he may be considered eccentric, a little strange, an independent thinker, a rebel, perhaps even breave; but when it comes to women converts, the hand that rocks the cradle commits cultural treason. Every society seems to pin its honor, traditions, and stability on its women, so that when a female steps out of line, all hell breaks loose. The female convert to Islam, much more than her male counterpart, becomes caught in a cultural tug of war in which she becomes the rope, a both societies - the dominant western and the traditional Islamic subculture residing in it - fight to assert themselves in opposing women who see much that is positive to Islam to remain non-Muslim and many others who embrace the religion to keep apart from the Islamic community.

100% so true

Primo Moda

Has anyone bought anything from Primo Moda? I'm trying to figure out their sizing. Like usually, a size 38 does not measure a 32.5" chest. I'm a bit confused. Anyone have any experiences with this store?

Greatest Commerical Ever!

UbyKotex Reality Check commercials are brilliant - PopWrap



Watch it, its so true.

Islam 101: Dress Code

I haven't been holding out on all of you. Not a lot has happened at the school. But this past weekend we had a little discussion on dress code. And it didn't focus on us, it focused on the boys! I really thought he was going to go on and on about what women have to do but he never once mentioned our requirements. It was really refreshing. I get so tired of hearing men telling women what to wear and not to wear.

Br. S talked about how clothes reflect who you are as a person and you should dress how you want people to perceive you. Part of the purpose of hijab is to make sure we (men and women) are perceived in a positive light. One should always be clean, presentable, and ready to make a good impression. One should not choose clothes merely to attract attention or to present his or her self as a status symbol. That is haraam.

Your clothing directly effects your behavior. So does the media. Look at the kids who are into rap. They wear baggy pants belted at their thighs (how they can walk I do not know) with chains and over sized t-shirts. This person may not be a thug who wants to have some Courvoisier and get busy with the ladies but that is the impression you get because that is what the music promotes. You need to dress who you are, not what the media says is cool.

Gentlemen, you do have physical hijab. Now, a lot of it is recommended but still good to do. Do not go out shirtless and try not to wear shorts. It is better for you if you do not do these things. No tight closes, this is mandatory. No tight t-shirts or skinny jeans. Your jeans should be loose but you wouldn't want them tight anyway. Uncomfortable! When you are older, try to have a little facial hair as it is highly recommended for you. No big gold chains or flashy jewelry, leave the jewels to the ladies. Dress presentable at all times and you will be successful.

You need to dress as though you value yourself. If you do not respect yourself how can you expect others to respect you?

Churidar

I thought I would share these with you all since the weather is getting warmer in the West. These lovely tights are called churidar. They are very popular in India and Pakistan, often worn with extra long kameez or mid calf dresses. They are adorable and 10 times more comfortable than leggings. Why are they more comfortable?

As you can see, they are not fitted in the hip area allowing comfortable space and air flow. They don't even begin to get tight till the knee. I LOVE these. They are super cute with just about anything. The scrunching effect also hides a little of the leg shape making them more modest than regular tights. I just love how they look.

This ebay seller has a large selection for good price: Bollywood Styles. I ordered from her last year and had no problems. Make sure you look to find the $6.75 ones. They are free size so if you are tiny you might have to do a little sewing.

Happy Shopping

Burqa and Jeans

A conversation from work. FYI my co-worker has no idea I study Islam.

My Co-worker is looking at a beautiful short formal dress a friend brought to work. Its got a low back, low front, halter top with a skirt to the knee. Its bronze, shiny, and gorgeous.

CW: This dress is amazing! LK you should borrow this from her!

LK: Well um, maybe with you know a cardigan...and a higher back....and something in the front.

CW: Yeah you dress really conservative. It would look nice though.

LK: Yeah well I wouldn't....

CW: Maybe with a burqa and jeans!

Yeah....she really said that. And I died in a fit of laughter. Because its true.. except it would be an abaya and jeans.

I never really thought my clothes was that noticeable. But I guess when its 90 out and you are in a cardigan and maxi dress people notice your modest attire. And my style has now been dubbed "hippie chic".

It's Naked Time

It got to be almost 90 here. Know what that means?

Naked Time.

What is naked time? Its that time of the year when it gets so hot all the women practically run around naked. If it really was the summer, I would see them on the train in bikinis. Really. Bikinis. Without shorts, just the suit.... I wish I was kidding.

During this season is when I really think about hijab and how maybe it should be somewhat relative to culture. My friend mentioned an article she read today about a bunch of women who orchestrated a protest for women's equality by parading down the street with their shirts off, breasts exposed. Their thought was "If men can run around shirtless so can we!". So my friend and I discussed to what lengths would we have to go to actually make that work so it became equal and didn't cause such a stir.

Well first of all, more men would need to walk around shirtless. Very few do except for at the beach. Its very weird to see a man in a public place shirtless, although not completely uncommon. So that would have to happen to bring things to their definition of equal which is "Doing the exact same thing, in the exact same way, as the opposite sex".

Then you'd have to get women to agree to not wearing shirts. And somehow remove the billion year old concept that breasts are a private part of a woman's body. That its ok to show them. Yeah that's going to work REALLY well.

Its silly, it really is. But it made me think about "Naked Time" and how maybe hijab really should be more relative to culture. The way I dress I am considered ultra concervative and I still show my hair, neck, lower calf, and arm below the elbow. So imagine how out of place a full on hijabi must be on the modesty scale in the US. When women are running around half naked do you really have to be covered head to toe to achieve modesty?

Probably not. But that might not be the point. I cover up more than I need to because I refuse to give in to what society tells me is beautiful. That I can't be beautiful without first appealing to the sexual desire of the opposite sex. To counter that, I dress conservative but elegant. Beautiful like a princess. A confident but covered woman. I don't want to encourage this sexy=beautiful mentality. Its dangerous, and unfair.

Oh yeah and totally not equal.