A few changes

Well here is the big news:

I'm moving. To the big city near where my parents live and my birth place.

And you wonder: how did you come to that conclusion?

Well, I'm tired of this city, not doing too much. I don't have a lot of friends here and if I want to continue to study religions I can easily do so in this new city. Plus my family needs some help and I miss my friends.

And then of course the obvious: My Love and I have decided not to marry. All is still good Thank God but we have realized we would not make the best pair. I cannot be the type of Muslim he needs. I'm not even sure if I can be a Muslim, that will take years to know. And due to some circumstances, he does not have years to get married. Its now or never. So I choose friendship and God Willing that is the right choice for both of us.

I will continue to study, the blog will continue but it may evolve and change as I change. RTV will still go on as well. Visit the RTV blog to read about its changes HERE.

I pray for the best for both of us. And that I can learn how to drive again. I'm so terrified of driving. Really, its ridiculous. But that is another post.

Salaam.

Shorts and Arranged Marriage

so its summer today and of course the drastic weather change made me ill. Which is not good since Sis came over to check out some clothes. We are the same size so I told her I would share with her my fashion wisdom lol.

So I told my mom she was coming over and this is how that conversation went:

Mom: I thought she wore a veil?

Me: Yeah she does.

Mom: Then how can she wear any of your clothes?

Me: She can wear normal clothes as long as they are modest. Like tunics or long shirts. She wears T-shirts and stuff. Just with a scarf.

Mom: That's weird. I thought she had to wear one of those black dress things.

Me: No one I know wears one of those. No she wears normal clothes.

Mom: Can she wear shorts?

Me: Um no, you can't show your legs.

Mom: That's ridiculous! How are shorts not modest?!

Me: I don't like shorts so I really don't care if you can wear them or not.

Mom: Ok, well have fun bye.

So this tells me a couple of things:

1) Mom still gets all her Islamic info from the news.

2) She thinks all muslim women who wear scarves also wear abayas even though I told her many times his sister wears normal clothes and mother wears shalwar kameez.

3) She has not read the copy of "Daughters of Another Path" that I left for her.

4) I am going to have more issues with this than I thought considering she got mad at me over shorts.

On top of that, I learned more about Pakistani Islamic culture. Although they are moving away from arranged marriages, it is still considered very bad to even know the person before you marry. Which seems silly because you should at least have a clue about someone before you marry them! My Love's parents were arranged and they do ok. Sis does not want that at all and they have agreed to not make their children have arranged marriages but once their child gets engaged thats it: they are getting married whether they are compatible or not. Now that seems really counter productive. If you find in the "getting to know you" process you are not compatible then you shouldn't get married. Or you will get divorced! Is crazy I tell you.

Scholars encourage you to get to know a potential spouse before marriage to avoid divorce and encourage you to be friends with your spouse. Muhammad was friends first with Khadijah before they married. Wouldn't you want to follow in the footsteps of the prophet? I would think so.

Cultures do not make sense sometimes....I know mine sure doesn't....this one doesn't either....

Bleh

Muharram Lecture 12/20/09

I made it to the lecture tonight thanks to My Love's family giving me a ride. I ended up riding over with just him, his father, and brother. His mother went over early for the women's lecture (that I didn't know about!) and his sister was at work. Only one thing can discribe sitting in the car with My Love and his dad waiting for his brother.

awkward

I get really shy in front of My Love when his family is present. I'm so afraid of saying the wrong thing. We sat in silence for what seemed like forever (It was probably 5 minutes) waiting for his brother. His brother hopped in the car and said

"Oh hi, how you doing?"

To which his father lectured him on how I got in the car and said "salaam aleikum" and he said "how you doing" and how he could learn from me to greet more properly. His dad cracks me up :)

We get there and they are in formation about to start Maghrib and Isha. I don't want to interupt so I sit to the side instead of joining in. Everyone was in prayer garments and I didn't understand why until prayer ended and I saw what people were wearing. What is up with this mosque!? Most of the women did not have scarves on, many of the young ones in fitted clothing. I don't know why this bothers me but it does. You know you are going to go to the mosque at least put a scarf on and leave it there! Oh well, Insha'Allah they will learn proper mosque edicate eventually.

So I sat down before they started the first cycle of Muharram prayers (I know they have an actual name but I don't remember what it is) and accidentally sat right next to My Love's mother. She was actually pretty excited to see me, even hugged me. Mash'Allah My Love has such a lovely mother. Isha'Allah she will still like me when he proposes.

Our speaker came from Britan and first talked about the importance of knowledge and how we must strive to gain it. How Islam is based on aquiring knowledge and about rational thought. That we as human beings have the gift of being able to comtemplate and we should use it frequently. He then told the story of Yusuf (Joseph) and how Yusuf strove against harsh oppositions to serve God. Especially how Yusuf was able to resist the temptations of Zaliha and the women, holding true to his beliefs.

He then segwayed to the story of Muhammad's journey into Hell with Jibreel. I wasn't entirely sure how this fit since he quite abruptly began to talk about punishment. I sort of got turned off by his talk when he mentioned the hadith of the women being hung by their hair and the people by their ears. The hair represents those who do not wear hijab and the ears those who listen to music. Um yeah, don't agree. Aparently a lot shared my sentiment for their were many women rolling their eyes at his interpretation. I always thought they meant the women who do not observe hijab (Modesty and self respect) and those who do not listen to the teachings of the prophets. But hey, I'm no Sheikh what do I know.

He turned it around by going back to knowledge and talking of the strives of the people at Karbala. How Hoor struggled to do the right thing and join Imam Hussein, knowing he would die in the process. And about br. Abbas who went to great lengths to get water for the thirsting children.

Then we went into the recitations for this day of Muharram. They did the recitations first in arabic then in english. However, I have learned that you do not necessarily need to be able to understand arabic to understand what is being said. I knew what was going on, what they were talking about because I knew the story of Karbala. And I stood, taping my chest as they do, and watched the women. These women, all silent even the littlest ones, moved by the speeches given by these brothers. Some moved to tears, I was almost moved to tears but feel I do not have the right to cry since I am not muslim. These women felt so deeply for their brother in Islam, so saddened for the horrible trial he and his family faced. Imam Hussein isn't even a prophet but because he saved Islam from corruption and suffered greatly they morn for him. It was so beautiful. Its what Good Friday and all of Lent should be like for Christians, yet I've never seen a Christian cry in the church. I've gotten a little teary but that is not the norm. Here, it is normal to cry and these women truly feel such sorrow. This devotion, this belief, is so intensely moving and beautiful. I understand now why My Love says that Ashura would be too much for me.

Something else happened tonight. I'm not sure what it was. I was listening to the prayers, can't remember exactly what recitation, and I began to thank God for how easy he has made this for me. That I have the resources I have, a man who loves me, and he has a kind family. And I felt like something hit me in the head so to speak. Like a light bulb going off. A moment of clarity. Something clicked and in my head I went "I think this is it. Islam may be exactly what I need." And a peace rolled over me for a few minutes. I wanted to cry but I didn't. It was over very quickly I have no idea what that was. I had a migraine all night and it was the only moment when it stopped. I don't know what to do with this, but I do know i need to speak to my mother when I am home. It may be my last chance before I make up my mind.

Who Are The Converts Suppose to Marry?!

Islam is forward about its thoughts on racism and cultural bias in Islam.  Islam preaches that one should strive to blur these lines because in the end all are muslims.  However, the predominate ethnicities that make up Islam seem to not agree with this concept.

Who is a convert suppose to marry if none of these ethnicities want their children to branch out from their culture?  Asians want only Asians, Pakistanis want Pakistanis, Africans want Africans.  They won't even mix between the middle-eastern cultures sometimes let alone Western.  So what is a convert to do?  Only seek out other converts for marriage?

I bring this point up because I think it is something that those converting may forget about.  Especially those who think they will be married soon after their conversion.  What if you don't marry him?  Then who are you going to marry?  I know that I could be the greatest muslim in the world and My Love's family will still have issues because I'm not Pakistani.  They feel that because I am American and he is Pakistani- American our life will be too hard.  And, well, people fear what they do not understand.

So what do you do converts who do not have a marriage plan going in?  How do you find a family that will accept you for their son?

Salaam

Hijab, and Parents, and Mosque OH MY!

I went, I saw, I conquered. But before I did that I thought I was going to be ill from the butterflies in my stomach. Sis came to get me so we could walk together and I wouldn't be alone my first time in hijab. We all piled into the car and the rest is history. His family is extremely nice. His father is very funny and his mother is sweet. I think they like me...Isha'Allah.

So this is what I learned:

Hijab is rather comfortable once you get use to it. You forget the scarf is there and abayas are awesome. I want to wear one all the time. You don't have to worry about neck lines shifting or mid-drifts showing. Everything is nicely hidden under comfy fabric. And yes people look but I noticed that I don't care. I thought I would, but I don't. I think it is because I am quite comfortable in hijab. Maybe my transition into a hijabi won't be so bad after all.

The mosque is actually quite cozy. It reminds me of a person's living room with soft carpeted floors and a big TV in the front so you can see the speaker. It also projects english translations to Du'as which was awesome for me. This particular mosque was bright and inviting. Everyone sat on the floor and listened. And the people were QUIET! People talk a lot in church and small children run around all over the place. Here everyone, give or take the children, was quiet and listened to the speaker. It was nice being in a room with people who wanted to be there.

I like that we are separated from the men. Although I wish I could see the actual speaker but the TV wasn't so bad. I found it easier to focus without the men around and felt a larger sense of community just being around women. I feel out of place most of the time, was nice to feel "in" place for once.

Muslims do not all know Arabic. In fact, they don't know all the prayers by heart. They need books sometimes. And it is ok to not know. This made me feel a lot better about what I would be expected to learn.

No one asked me if I was Turkish ( I get that a lot). All the women were kind, said "Asalaam Aleikum" and smiled. No one stared even though I was the only white woman in the room. I was just like everyone else, it was nice.

Mosques ask for money just like churches do and you are expected to give money to the mosque you are registered with just like a church.

Mosques serve food before services and it is GOOD FOOD

You do not have to wear an abaya to the mosque. You don't even have to wear a scarf if one is not praying. I might not wear my abaya next time but i will certainly wear a scarf.

.

All in all it was a wonderful experience and I can't wait to go back. Isha'Allah I will be invited back. I want to experience that feeling of being "in place" again.

Salaam

It's Time to Go to the Mosque

If you read the old post I got rid of it since I ended up not going on Sunday after all :(.

I'm going today or tomorrow to the mosque and to meet his parents. I'm justifiably terrified. Sis is kind enough to come get me at my home and walk me over which makes me feel better about my first time in hijab. I can't wait to finally experience some of the things I have studied for so long. You can only learn so much from books and lectures on YouTube.

I feel I need to explain the sitch with the parents since I have come to understand it rather confuses people. I'm not going in as a "girlfriend" (I hate that term anyway) I'm going in as his friend. This does take A LOT of pressure off of me since they will get to know me for me and not critique me as the future wife of their son. Also, muslim men don't have girlfriends lol. The parents are more than happy to help me learn and no I don't think they are clueless but they are trusting their son. I do look forward to meeting them. They both seem quite kind.

So we shall see how it goes. I'm hoping I don't embarrass them in any way. Insha'Allah it will be ok.

I'll let you all know what happens. Wish me luck!

Salaam

Sis

I keep pacing around my apartment waiting for the clock to hit 1.  I've ironed my cotton tunic and wide leg jeans about three times, choosing the tunic over my go to long sleeved shirt and trapeze dress since it turned out to be really hot.  Gotta leave now, gotta meet them.  I hope she doesn't think Im ridiculous.

I get out to the train way before they do.  I wait, hoping she won't look at me like "And what do you want with my brother?".  They come around the corner and I see her for the first time.  She's incredibly tiny in a navy-blue t-shirt and jeans with a black hijab that has the cutest lace edging.  She constantly tosses the loose end over her shoulder as she walks.  She smiles at me with the biggest grin and I smile back.

My love smiles at me with his kind eyes.  "This is my sister."

We exchanged pleasantries and headed to the train and the art museum.  We walked around and I pointed out various pieces I had learned about in school.  I explained the Christian artwork to them, why there was so much gold, and how come churches had to be so tall back then.  We wandered through the Egyptian exhibit and then Buddhist where I pointed out the different kinds of Buddhas and their purposes (I studied Buddhism for three years before Islam).  His sister was quiet and so was I, not sure of what to say.  We tried chatting about schools, anime, and picked on My Love of course.  

I found it interesting, walking around with a hijabi, that not once did anyone stare at her or say anything unkind.  No one even noticed.  And that made me feel better about hijab.  That maybe it wouldn't be so hard after all.

All in all it was a nice day and as I watched them go off after promising to make her my facebook friend I smiled broadly.  I think, once we get to know each other, we will be good friends.  I hope so, not just because she is his sister, but because I like her as a person.  She is laid back, fun, and doesn't take life too seriously.

One big step down, another to go.  Next the mosque and THE PARENTS. O_O

Getting Antsy

I'm trying so hard not to ask him everyday.  I'm trying not to be all "When? WHEN?"  But I want to meet them, I want to get it over with so I can stop being so nervous.  I'm also excited but it is nerve-racking knowing that his parents are not going to be thrilled with me since I'm not a Muslim.  I have a feeling we are waiting to make plans until his sister returns from Pakistan.  I am to meet her first since she and I have so much in common.  My Love would like her and I to be good friends.

I just know that meeting all of them is going to change my life.  It should be a good change and it should further my education in Islam.  I'm just antsy to get started.

On another note I got my stuff from 2Hijab.  Their cotton scarves are ubber soft and their shipping is fast!  The hijab safety pins are so cute!  I also got arm covers (which I wanted a long time ago because I hate wearing tons of layers) and they are awesome.  They come a couple inches above the elbow and totally stay up.

Well off to work.  

Insha'Allah I'm Going to a Mosque!

YAY!

So I may get to go to a mosque soon.  I'm SO EXCITED!  I've been wanting to go to one for years but I can't just walk into one all by my lonesome.  I would have absolutely no idea what to do and would totally make a fool of my myself.

This is how going to the mosque transpired.  I've known My Love for about 2 years and I told my parents about him and my interest in Islam about 3 months after he and I realized we wanted to be more than friends.  I have since then had many tough discussions with my parents.  My dad is cool about it (although insists that My Love is the only reason I am thinking of becoming Muslim right now) but my mother still has the mentality that Muslims worship Muhammad (PBUH) as a god and Allah is not the same as God.  She is obviously a bit more difficult to deal with.

Their biggest issue is that in almost a year of being interested in each other I have not met his parents.  I brought this up to him one day, relaying that I too was beginning to feel disrespected because he was hiding me from his parents.  He agreed and apologized.  A week later he mentioned to his mother that he had a female friend interested in Islam and wanted to introduce her to his sister.  Mom flipped out.  You see, My Love's family has had many bad experiences with Muslim men marrying converts.  It always ends badly.  She jumped right to marriage and how hard it would be.  She put major emphasis on how love clouds people's judgement and that would have to be the only reason this girl (me) would want anything to do with Islam.  But after a day or two she calmed down and suggested he take me to a mosque.

So this is where the mosque comes in.  With the month of Ramadan fast approaching there will be many opportunities to hear speakers at the mosque.  My Love wants me to go with him and his family to at least one.  I'm so excited and so glad I bought an abaya!  I bought this one from Desert Store when I heard he was going to mention me to his parents:

http://www.desertstore.com/modest-clothing/embroideries-black-caftan-1200.html

BTW really cheap abayas at this store.  I can't wait for this to show up!

SO EXCITED....wonder what scarf I should wear.....