awkward
I get really shy in front of My Love when his family is present. I'm so afraid of saying the wrong thing. We sat in silence for what seemed like forever (It was probably 5 minutes) waiting for his brother. His brother hopped in the car and said
"Oh hi, how you doing?"
To which his father lectured him on how I got in the car and said "salaam aleikum" and he said "how you doing" and how he could learn from me to greet more properly. His dad cracks me up :)
We get there and they are in formation about to start Maghrib and Isha. I don't want to interupt so I sit to the side instead of joining in. Everyone was in prayer garments and I didn't understand why until prayer ended and I saw what people were wearing. What is up with this mosque!? Most of the women did not have scarves on, many of the young ones in fitted clothing. I don't know why this bothers me but it does. You know you are going to go to the mosque at least put a scarf on and leave it there! Oh well, Insha'Allah they will learn proper mosque edicate eventually.
So I sat down before they started the first cycle of Muharram prayers (I know they have an actual name but I don't remember what it is) and accidentally sat right next to My Love's mother. She was actually pretty excited to see me, even hugged me. Mash'Allah My Love has such a lovely mother. Isha'Allah she will still like me when he proposes.
Our speaker came from Britan and first talked about the importance of knowledge and how we must strive to gain it. How Islam is based on aquiring knowledge and about rational thought. That we as human beings have the gift of being able to comtemplate and we should use it frequently. He then told the story of Yusuf (Joseph) and how Yusuf strove against harsh oppositions to serve God. Especially how Yusuf was able to resist the temptations of Zaliha and the women, holding true to his beliefs.
He then segwayed to the story of Muhammad's journey into Hell with Jibreel. I wasn't entirely sure how this fit since he quite abruptly began to talk about punishment. I sort of got turned off by his talk when he mentioned the hadith of the women being hung by their hair and the people by their ears. The hair represents those who do not wear hijab and the ears those who listen to music. Um yeah, don't agree. Aparently a lot shared my sentiment for their were many women rolling their eyes at his interpretation. I always thought they meant the women who do not observe hijab (Modesty and self respect) and those who do not listen to the teachings of the prophets. But hey, I'm no Sheikh what do I know.
He turned it around by going back to knowledge and talking of the strives of the people at Karbala. How Hoor struggled to do the right thing and join Imam Hussein, knowing he would die in the process. And about br. Abbas who went to great lengths to get water for the thirsting children.
Then we went into the recitations for this day of Muharram. They did the recitations first in arabic then in english. However, I have learned that you do not necessarily need to be able to understand arabic to understand what is being said. I knew what was going on, what they were talking about because I knew the story of Karbala. And I stood, taping my chest as they do, and watched the women. These women, all silent even the littlest ones, moved by the speeches given by these brothers. Some moved to tears, I was almost moved to tears but feel I do not have the right to cry since I am not muslim. These women felt so deeply for their brother in Islam, so saddened for the horrible trial he and his family faced. Imam Hussein isn't even a prophet but because he saved Islam from corruption and suffered greatly they morn for him. It was so beautiful. Its what Good Friday and all of Lent should be like for Christians, yet I've never seen a Christian cry in the church. I've gotten a little teary but that is not the norm. Here, it is normal to cry and these women truly feel such sorrow. This devotion, this belief, is so intensely moving and beautiful. I understand now why My Love says that Ashura would be too much for me.
Something else happened tonight. I'm not sure what it was. I was listening to the prayers, can't remember exactly what recitation, and I began to thank God for how easy he has made this for me. That I have the resources I have, a man who loves me, and he has a kind family. And I felt like something hit me in the head so to speak. Like a light bulb going off. A moment of clarity. Something clicked and in my head I went "I think this is it. Islam may be exactly what I need." And a peace rolled over me for a few minutes. I wanted to cry but I didn't. It was over very quickly I have no idea what that was. I had a migraine all night and it was the only moment when it stopped. I don't know what to do with this, but I do know i need to speak to my mother when I am home. It may be my last chance before I make up my mind.
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Hah! I love the scene of you guys waiting awkwardly in the car. I mean, I'm sure it was uncomfortable, but it's sort of...cute. :)
ReplyDeleteFrom what you've said, his whole family sounds very nice. I hope things go easily for all of you when the time comes. :)
Hmmm...I think (at least part of) the difference is, in cultures of European descent, we're not comfortable showing our emotions. We're trained up to *not* cry in public. Seriously, I've never cried at a funeral, even for family. I'll cry in private, at home, but in public? Never. I can't do it. In other cultures, it's more acceptable. I'm thinking of some of the Mexican members of our church that I know, who do get a lot more emotional.
*point* I'm referring specifically to Western European - British, German, etc. I believe the Spanish, Italians, etc. are far more comfortable with public displays of emotion.
ReplyDeleteWow. Subhanallah. It sounds like it was a great lecture. And it is perfectly okay for you to cry in the masjid; I think crying is one of the purest forms of showing emotion. Sometimes I cry during my prayers, during dhikr, etc. because it is just so beautiful and I feel so close to ALLAH at those times. Aren't those moments of perfect clarity and pure love for ALLAH just the best feeling in the world? :)
ReplyDeleteJust one thing that you mentioned: Hussein (may ALLAH be pleased with him) is not a prophet, since Muhammad (saw) was the final prophet. But of course Hussein was part of Ahlul Bayt and was a great figure in Islamic history.
This is kind of an ignorant question, and I think I know the answer, but I just want to clarify: Do Shi'as fast on Ashura? Sunni Muslims do to commemorate the deliverance of Musa (as) and Bani Israil from slavery in Egypt (there is a hadith where Prophet Muhammad (saw) saw some Jewish people fasting on Ashura in remembrance of Musa (as), and Muhammad (saw) told his followers to do likewise).
Amber: You probably are right its cultural.
ReplyDeleteBannanaAnne: I never said he was a prophet. Sorry if the sentence came out that way. I probably should have said "he isn't even a prophet". I'll go back and fix that.
Yes there is a short fast on Ashura. I am not sure of the details though. I want to say its only till noon from the previous night but I'm not a good source on this. Al-Islam.org might have the answer, they usually do.
Oops, my bad, I must have misread it wrong. :P
ReplyDeleteIts ok I re-read it and it totally read like I said he was prophet. I fixed it :) Thanks for pointing it out, my editing skills are bad when I have a migraine lol
ReplyDeleteThat's so good that you got to go to one! I'm still trying to make it to my closest mosque which is 2 hrs + 20 mins away :( I hope I can gooo.
ReplyDeleteBanana Anne - It's not a fast in the traditional sense, as fasting is seen more as an act of celebration (e.g. Ramadan). Many Shias abstain from food or drink but it is more out of remembrance of when Imam Hussain (as) and family were cut off from their water supply in Karbala :)
Ellen557: Thank you for the better explanation of the fast. All I remember is that it was short enough that I could probably do it without passing out...I wish I could remember more about it Insha'Allah I will be able to remember more but this is only my second Muharram. I haven't forgotten the story of Karbala (Because frankly once you hear it you CANT forget) but I do forget the specifics about the 12 days and Ashura as far as practice goes. Gotta make a trip to Al-Islam.org.
ReplyDeleteEllen I will post a collection of links to English speaking scholars that my teachers sent to me so I could follow along while at home. That should be helpful to both you and others interested in Ashura and anything else pertaining to Islam.
Ellen: Thanks for the explanation!
ReplyDeleteIt's really nice to hear things are going well with your love's family and Islam :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Sarah. All I can hope is it continues to be well and eventually God hits me on the head and goes "HERES YOUR ANSWER" LOL I know that can't exactly happen but it would be nice :)
ReplyDeleteAh, I'm a westerner, but I DO cry at church and I know others who do as well. Even my pastor has when he was talking about how much God loved him and did for him.
ReplyDeleteAs he says, "I can't explain turning water into wine or walking on water, but I can tell you how God turned cocaine into groceries and drunkenness and partying into little pink dresses" (for his girls). He's referring to the big change God made in his life as he used to be a hellion before Jesus changed his life. :)
@ Susanne: Masha'Allah, your pastor's story sounds so inspiring. It's amazing how much GOD can change people's lives.
ReplyDeleteSusanne: Is true, God can change you in miraculous ways. Masha'Allah your pastor found God through Jesus (PBUH) and his teachings.
ReplyDeleteAlso - that's weird about not wearing hijab in the mosque :| The place where I went to tonight wasn't a mosque, it was a big hall that they must have hired out but there was still a big poster on the front door with a picture of a woman in hijab saying 'Islamic dress required' or something like that.
ReplyDeleteAnd, "Something else happened tonight. I'm not sure what it was. I was listening to the prayers, can't remember exactly what recitation, and I began to thank God for how easy he has made this for me."
Yes. I can now confidently say that sister, I know how you feel.
Also, please feel free to cry. I'm not Muslim (should we both add "yet" the next time we write that? Haha) but I can't stop myself from crying. What moved me the most was the sound of the men crying from across the hall. MashaAllah, I have never actually heard men crying before like that.
Ellen: Sigh sometimes I wish Australia and the US were a lot closer because you so get me LOL
ReplyDeleteWe have a sign and they ignore it!!! Its so weird! I could never walk into a mosque unless I was in an abaya and scarf I just cant, especially if I know I'm going to pray. And I hate Prayer Sheets! But I also like hijab in my everyday life and most of these women do not wear it at all, not even in their clothing choices.
Haha "yet" yes I've been using that a lot lately too. It really is more of a yet and not an if. We shall see. I felt like I don't have the right to cry but my love insisted that was silly. It was just so moving, I don't know how to explain it but you obviously understand :)