I've been a bit confused lately and it seems to be confusing all of you as well. I've been getting quite a few messages asking me if I've become muslim. The answer is I have not. I did go back and look at my last few posts and can totally see where everyone is getting this. They sure sound like I have become muslim. I am stuck in this weird middle ground at the moment. Not Christian, not a muslim. I more often say "we do this" in reference to Islam and "They do this" in reference to Christianity. I have also been doing a lot of "if I am muslim" senrios. I've just been thinking a lot about it and all has been going so well. Allah has made this so far easy for me. I have been able to have a dialogue with my family who says they won't disown me, I have a loving man to teach me and support me, a school to learn from with wonderful helpful people, and many mosques nearby. Halaal food is easily accessable, muslims are common in my area, and modest clothing can be found. My studies have been mostly productive in a good sense, with very few disagreements. I am actually waiting for something terrible to happen. It seems so off balance, all these good things.
I finally feel like after 10 years of looking I am on the right track. I am so excited about that. I have looked so long for peace and understanding in religion. I now stand on the brink of finding an answer which is both exciting and terrifying. I never expected to find anything. Now every day I get closer to Allah and my answers.
Isha'Allah Allah will make it easy for me. I am waiting for a revelation so to speak. I just know that one day, I will know without a doubt what to do. Then I will make plans for what to do next. I just know that right now is not the right time. Not for me, My Love, or my family. There is much still to do. I have to finish the Qur'an, learn to pray, and learn to at least pronounce Arabic. I can't even say the Shahada properly. I'm pretty sure I should wait till I can say it! My family also has to have more time to get use to the idea and My Love needs a little time to figure out what he wants to do if I do become muslim. We need to be careful about the engagement so people do not think I became muslim just to marry him. All needs to be handled in a delicate manner.
I want to thank everyone for all the support you have given me and continue to give me.
Salaam
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no problemo. I hadn't read your blog in a while so when I came back and saw writing that implied you were Muslim I was left scratching my head. Thanks for clarifying...I am a weirdo like that. I follow blogs the way I follow books and I want to know how it went and so on. Which is very intrusive so sorry about that.
ReplyDeleteTuttie: You weren't the only one who asked :) Its not intrusive at all, please ask anything. I plan on making a big deal out of my shahada. Everyone will know about it LOL
ReplyDeleteI think what you are doing is smart. After all, choosing to commit oneself to following a religion is a huge deal, one that should NOT be done hastily. If someone feels like they don't have enough knowledge about the religion, or if they don't have the right intentions for converting, then they should wait until they are truly ready to commit. I waited for a few years before I actually said my shahadah, and I'm glad I did wait. If I had converted right away, I wouldn't have had any access to a Muslim community or any way of getting knowledge; I also wouldn't be able to pray, fast, wear hijab, etc. because of my living situation. When you're ready to "make it official", we'll all be there cheering you on and supporting you (I support you now too, of course!).
ReplyDeleteAssalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatu!
Thanks Banana Anne. I just feel that if I'm going to be responsible for a few things then I should be educated before I become responsible. Yes, Allah will forgive me for my horrible Arabic or my prayer mistakes but I should at least make the effort to understand how to do things before I become responsible. Pacience is necessary.
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