In Your Element

When I was a teen I went to these things called anime conventions. Yes I was one of those people they call cosplayers (dress up as anime characters in costume). When I got older I began to work the artist alley. I would go to a convention once a year and I spent that entire year preparing for it. I used all my extra money to make my costumes or gather supplies for my art work, paying great attention to every detail. My friend and I spent hours discussing what we would do, planning skits with our group, and even having meetings with the group online.

All this effort for three days of greatness. For 72 hours I had a place where I totally fit and could be completely myself. These people enjoyed the same things I enjoyed, thought the same way I thought, were all about the same things as me. For three days I was in my element, feeling complete bliss like I could take over the world. It was such a joy to spend time with these people. A happiness high so to speak. But after 72 hours I would go home. Then I would plan, wait, and pine for next year's convention.

I am getting the exact same feeling from school. I now spend all week yurning to go and spend time with the people at the school. I spend a lot of time thinking about what we will do next week, what I can learn, observing prayer etc. I go through my scarf collection trying to decide what one I want to wear and check out my abayas to make an outfit. I only get to wear my scarf once a week and I get very excited about being able to do so. Same with the abaya. Part of the reason I really want to learn to pray is so I can go to the school's mosque during the week just to be in that environment more than once a week.

Only difference is I should feel horribly out of place at school and I don't. I feel in place, comfortable. I feel like I am with a group of people that get me. I am way more comfortable there than with most other persons who want to go drinking or clubbing or talk all day about boys. I should be out of place and I am not. I don't know what to do with that. But I do know I am very happy.

Insha'Allah my prayer cheat sheets will work fine and I can start learning to pray soon so I can go to the mosque more often. My Love does not know what he is getting him self into with me. I'm going to wake him for fajr, drag him to the mosque on all the holy days and lectures, and most likely make him come with me to the mosque for evening prayer. I warned him that the danger of marrying a convert is they want to do EVERYTHING.

We shall see.