Did I ever speak about how I told them of my interest initially? They had just met My Love, he came to a wedding with us and then my parents stayed in the city for a few days to visit. It had been their anniversary and I wrote them a letter thanking them for being so kind to My Love and for not shunning him because of his religion. For being accepting and for allowing me to explore. Yes, this did result in my mother freaking out but it opened up a dialogue. It also lead to me meeting his parents (not having met his parents was the one thing both my parents had issues with).
This has lead to a couple uncomfortable discussions with my mother but I truly feel honesty is the best policy. I want to sit her down and say:
"Mom, I know you are unhappy with my interest in being muslim. I'm sorry it hurts you. This truly does not have anything to do with me getting married. I just want what is best for me and this might be it. This does not mean I have anything against Christianity, Christianity is great. Its just not for me. I have more studying to do and I am working on that. I have a few things I still need to figure out but I want to be honest with you and say I am considering converting. This has nothing to do with being against you or Christianity, its just about me and God. I don't want to hurt you or Dad, I don't want to make things difficult for you. I will do my best to find a way to make things as easy for you as possible. I am sorry, I wish this could only be hard on me. Please just try to accept this and work with me on it instead of against me. I don't want to loose you over this."
I don't know what to do. I so desperately want it out in the open. I'm so tired of lying, both to my parents and his. I have to be one person with my parents, another with his parents. One person with my non muslim friends, and another with my muslim friends. I want to be myself, always. Not just when it is convenient for everyone else. Right now, the main thing holding me back is a fear that I could loose my parents. If I can lessen that fear I will be able to think more clearly.
My God help me. May God make it easy for me. I thank God for the ease he has given me. May God lessen the burden on my parents and help them find a way to understand. May God accept my plea to be closer to him and to find my way.
May God help us all in our journey.
Amen
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That's really sweet. I wish you well.
ReplyDeleteI think your plan is the best way. While every family is different, it's always struck me as wrong that people just drop their conversions on their parents/family, without at least discussing it first. It's as though their interest in Islam comes out of nowhere for the family, and I think (and this is just my opinion from the peanut gallery) that this can help lead the families to the feeling of their loved ones conversion being a 'rejection' of them. If I were seriously considering Islam, or Hinduism, or Mormonism, or any other major change of religion, I'd discuss it with my family too. Heck, I discussed converting to Catholicism. They know I'm looking at Orthodoxy, and those are nowhere near the huge change that you're looking at.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the support ladies
ReplyDeleteAmber: Yes I agree with you. I think dropping a bomb like that is often what leads to the alienation. The sisters at the school were shocked that my parents had any clue about my interest and were quite impressed. Its horribly scary to discuss these things with parents but I learned from a long time ago that honesty and openess is the best policy. We want so badly to respect our parents and this is by no means done in disrespect. But it is against what they want which is scary and makes you feel like you are doing something bad.
Its NOT easy, its probably the most difficult thing one can do.
Maybe I am able to do this because I'm old LOL. It is easier if you live on your own, make your own money, and live half way across the country from your parents. My heart breaks for those who still live at home with their parents but can't tell them about their conversion. I wish them strength.
I just hope I have the courage to talk to her.
Insha'Allah, you will have the courage to tell your parents. I am still not ready/able to tell my family yet, but the Muslim chaplain at my college suggested that I read the story of Musa (peace be upon him) and pray the du'a that he said before confronting Pharaoh. I'm not sure what the exact words are, but it has something to do with "untying the knot from my tongue" and getting the courage to speak (it's in the Qur'an if you're interested).
ReplyDeleteI've read that story. Yes it talks about courage and speaking the truth. It will be ok and it will come in time. It will be a slow process with a few discussions before a decision is made. I have to test the waters and go slowly so I dont sever my ties with them.
ReplyDelete