Prayer Schedule

I stopped doing the 5 daily prayers quite awhile ago for various personal reasons. I started too much too fast and ended up burning out. I'm ready to try again and I think a prayer schedule may help. The first time around I tried to do everything at once, including making up prayers, and it became too much for me. This time around I'm going to go slowly and follow steps like those below. These steps may not work exactly for those that are already muslim as you are required to make up prayers. But it should help. My thought is praying and missing a couple is better than not praying at all.

If anyone has suggestions I'd love to hear them. I am posting this here in hopes that Insha'Allah it can help others struggling with their 5 prayers.

1). Start with a prayer in the morning and one in the evening. I suggest doing Fujr for the morning, its nice and short. Just do this when you normally wake up, don't try to do it on time just yet. For the evening do a set of four rakat sometime after you get home from work. Do this for a week or so until it becomes natural and comfortable.

NOTE: If you do not have them memorized simply use a typed out direction sheet. Email me at inkblotsblueabayas (at) gmail.com if you need one (it will be Shia directions though but you can edit to fit Sunni directions). It won't take long before they are memorized.

2) Add another set of 4 rakat along with the prayer in the morning and evening. If you want, you can do this in the afternoon however most of us are not able to do that. You have the option, if you are Shia, to combine these two prayers. If you are Sunni I would suggest doing them separately since you will need to get use to doing them that way. This may take a couple weeks for it to become comfortable.

3) Once 3 prayers are comfortable add the 3 rakat prayer. Now we are getting tricky especially when you can't do a prayer in the afternoon to split them up. This will definitely take a few weeks or more to get use to. Try to split them up evenly to prevent getting overwhelmed. Do not worry about making them up, it will only cause more stress. Just keep trying till you can successfully do all four prayers without any frustration. Wait until they become part of your routine and life till you move to the next step.

4) Add the last 4 rakat prayer to your schedule. Now you have all 5. Concentrate on getting all 5 done in a day. Do not worry about whether or not they are on time. Do not worry about making up prayers. Only worry about getting them all into one day. This will take a long time. could take a couple of months. Once they become part of your life and you are comfortable with them you may move to the next step.

5) Work on praying on time. I find Fujr to be the easiest to pray on time so I will start with fujr. Some may find one of the evening prayers to be the easiest. Choose a prayer and make a conscious effort to pray it on time. Once you have done so move to the next and the next until all are roughly on time. You can concern yourself later with them being exactly on time. For example: Asr is not technically considered late until Maghrib time starts but you should pray Asr at the exact time it starts if you are able. So providing you pray Asr before Maghrib starts Asr is still considered on time. Start with this concept and then work up to praying exactly on time.

6) Make up prayers. You can start to worry about make up prayers once you have things relatively on time. If you find your self horribly stressing out over making them up, take a step back. Hopefully, you will have few to make up since you have already learned how to fit all 5 into your life and have learned how to roughly do prayers on time.

7) Pray exactly on time. Work on praying exactly at the time of day prayer is suppose to start. This is hard because we all work and often cannot pray during the day. Try to choose one prayer to pray exactly on time and work from there. This will take a long time and lots of effort.

Additional Suggestions (taken from the comments on this post):

1) Concentration. Remind yourself that you are speaking to Allah. Try doing the ayahs in arabic and then pausing to reflect on their meanings. You can also try envisioning something that reminds you of Allah, like the Ka'ba, to hold your focus.

2) Saying the Adhan is highly recommended before prayer. However, its one more thing that may overwhelm you. Instead, try using a recording before each prayer so you can stand back, get settled, and get focused.

3) There are computer wigits that offer "prayer alarms" that will play the Adhan at the right time everyday according to your zipcode. There are also Qur'an wigits which great.

4) Do not forget what the prayers mean. I suggest, once a week, that you read the English (or whatever is your native language) translation to remind yourself what you are saying. Women: This is a great thing to do while Aunt Flo is visiting. I try to do so at least twice a day during that time. Otherwise, its too hard to start praying again once the week is over. Try to keep your prayer routine during this week, it helps a lot.

If anyone has suggestions let me know. I think this is what I am going to do in order to work the prayers into my life.

Praying on Time, Little Help?

Let's talk about something I like! Praying!

So I really enjoy the salat. REALLY REALLY. Its so beautiful, and moving, and YAY!

Fujr is usually never a problem because unless I'm sick I don't really have anything stopping me from doing it besides getting up.

But I obviously cannot do them all on time because I have to go to work. Now, if I get home at a normal time I can do Dhur and Asr when I get home then Maghrib and Isha a couple of hours later. Its not my preferred way to do it but it works. I run into issues when I don't have time to do any of them. I cannot do more than 2 at a time for I simply cannot concentrate. I don't want to just run through the motions but I also have to get them done.

Like last night. I went to a movie after work and did not come home till midnight. I was exhausted. I literally sat down and fell asleep. On top of that this morning I had a bad headache and couldn't get up for Fujr. Now I have 5 prayers to make up. I have 10 to do total O_O. It makes you just not want to start at all. I will do them of course but I wish there was a better way.

Any suggestions?

Also, can anyone provide me with a definition for Du'a? I want to make sure I am using proper prayers for Qunoot. My understanding is Qunoot does not need to be in Arabic but it must be a Du'a. And I was told a Du'a is a prayer asking or thanking God for something. Now the kicker is some believe it has to be from an accredited source (Psalms of Islam, Qur'an, an Imam, etc). Some say it can be anything as long as you are thanking or asking.

I ask this because their is a prayer I have said every day since I was 1o and I would like to incorporate it. Some will know it as the Act of Contrition. I will share it now:

My God I am sorry for my sins with al my heart

In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good I have sinned against you

Who I love above all things

I firmly intend, with your help, to do penance, to sin no more,

and to avoid whatever leads me to sin

(Yes there is a Jesus part tagged on at the end that I didn't learn till I was in my late teens and I never used it).

Thanks!

The Halal Meat Only Train

Its about time that I begin looking into hopping on the halal meat train. Problem is that significantly hurts my food availability. You see, I have an opposite problem of most : I weigh too little (dodges random objects being thrown at her). In fact I have to gain weight (Hides in a fox hole). When I try to eat halal I tend to turn to vegetarian food. Vegetarian food is really low in fat and consequentially I have lost weight. This issue is also the other reason I can't fast. I would loose too much weight during Ramadan.

I need to find a balance between eating halal and staying at an appropriate weight but I'm not sure how to do it. I have thought about adopting the protein shake again but there is a good chance that those may not be vegetarian, I'd have to read the ingredients. However, they work like a charm to keep my weight where it needs to be. That extra protein is all I need!

Other issue is I eat too much cheese and pasta now which isn't getting me what I need. I no longer can eat frozen chicken strips and other frozen food items because they are not halal. I don't want to cook a full meal when I get home so I end up with cheese pizza. Not very filling or nutritional. I try to cook enough on the weekends to last the week but it doesn't always work out.

Any suggestions? I'd like to start this full time but I just don't know the best way to do so.

Women and Recitation

I've been thinking a lot about why you rarely hear a woman recite. I personally think its a shame because a woman reciting is truly beautiful. I'm not a big fan of the lack of support for female participation in congressional prayer which is probably most of it. I totally get why we can lead a mixed group in prayer because we'd be wiggling our bums in front of all the men and that is just not quite kosher :). But I'm not sure I see the issue with being heard reciting from the Qur'an or doing Du'a. I can kinda see an issue with the adhan because it is very loud and to be frank female voices don't carry quite as well as male voices. But du'a, even in congressional prayer, is done at a normal speaking level and I really see no issue with allowing a women to read it. Many will say its because the men will be attracted to her voice and I want to say "What do you think the men will do, storm the partition?". We need to give the men a little credit, they aren't barbaric brainless animals. They 're human, they have some self control after all. Plus I think a MAN sounding like he is singing is much more attractive to a woman than a woman's voice to man. One of the sexiest things a man can do is sing for a woman. But because we inherently have more self control we do not deserve the same treatment to lessen our burden of being attracted to men? Yeah that doesn't seem quite fair either, but its also my issue with male hijab. We may not act on our hormones like men do but that does not mean we don't want to do so.

I think communities need to encourage their girls to be more active and to learn recitation. As I mentioned before, boys get rewarded often for their recitation skills and often have whole competitions dedicated to recitation. Why not have that for the girls too? Why not let them participate. I think if one of the girls at my school asked Br. S to let them recite he would probably say yes. But out of 3 recitation classes there are only two girls both of which are very shy. Such a shame. Maybe someday I will be decent enough to give it a try Insha'Allah. I know that recitation should be done because it is inherently good but its hard to be motivated when no one is giving you encouragement.

They need to know Allah wants to hear their voices as well.

How does your community treat women reciting?

Happy Thoughts: Things I would do if I were Muslim

I've been a Negetive Nancy recently so I'm going to post some good things I'd like to do if I were muslim or from my experience. I actually feel in the long run I could probably do a lot of good for the muslim community and strengthen a positive image of muslims. And yes, some of these are kinda silly :)

1) Write a book. I plan to do this regardless of my decision. I want to write about my experience to show people what Islam is really like. In the end, it should be a positive influence regardless of my decision. This blog is actually my notes for the book along with a diary for the more personal notes.

2) An all girl's prom. Muslimah's deserve to go to prom and I would like to give them one. So far, they do not really do these in the US. I plan to change that. It is a rite of passage in the west, American muslimahs should get to have it.

4) Recitation "concert" for girls. Girls rarely get to show off their recitation talents because a lot of mosques will not allow them to recite during prayer (some think this is inappropriate. I say "what do you think will happen? The men will hear a female voice and storm the partition?) Instead, I would like to have a recitation competition or concert to showcase their talents for their parents. I think it would be lovely and encourage the girls to learn recitation. The recitation classes (3 of them) only have 2 girls total at my school. Not acceptable in my book.

5) Hijab fashion class. The women at my school and the girls are quite taken with my hijab appropriate fashion. I would love to show the teens that they can have fun with hijab, wear clothes similar to all their friends, and still be appropriate. I think this would boost morale in the teens, as it is hard enough to be a teenager let alone one that has to wear a scarf.

6) Convert counselor/marriage counselor. I would love to help other converts in their struggle with Islam both people trying to figure out if Islam is right for them and those who have chosen it but are having issues. I'd also like to help converts and their husbands/wives blend their cultural differences and families together.

7) Do a "giving tree" during Ramadan: like during Christmas, I would love to organize a "giving tree" of sorts where each person can pick a child or adult from a shelter and buy the things they need on their list. Definately in the spirit of Ramadan.

8) Teach. Eventually I would like to teach something at the school. What exactly, Im not sure.

That's all for now. If I think of anything else I'll add it. Looking at this makes me happy and makes me want to be muslim. Feeling better now :) Masha'Allah

What Do I Say...

I go home in a little over a week for Christmas. I am already anxious about having another talk with my parents. I know that I most likely will, and should, speak to at least my mother again on the subject. I want to take a different approach than what it seems most people did. I want to keep my parents in the loop on my progress. I so badly just want to be honest with them. I feel that giving them information a little at a time is going to be much better in the long run then coming home one day and going "hi I'm a muslim now!". Yes, giving them information over time and having multiple discussions is harder on me but in the end I think it will help to preserve our relationship.

Did I ever speak about how I told them of my interest initially? They had just met My Love, he came to a wedding with us and then my parents stayed in the city for a few days to visit. It had been their anniversary and I wrote them a letter thanking them for being so kind to My Love and for not shunning him because of his religion. For being accepting and for allowing me to explore. Yes, this did result in my mother freaking out but it opened up a dialogue. It also lead to me meeting his parents (not having met his parents was the one thing both my parents had issues with).

This has lead to a couple uncomfortable discussions with my mother but I truly feel honesty is the best policy. I want to sit her down and say:

"Mom, I know you are unhappy with my interest in being muslim. I'm sorry it hurts you. This truly does not have anything to do with me getting married. I just want what is best for me and this might be it. This does not mean I have anything against Christianity, Christianity is great. Its just not for me. I have more studying to do and I am working on that. I have a few things I still need to figure out but I want to be honest with you and say I am considering converting. This has nothing to do with being against you or Christianity, its just about me and God. I don't want to hurt you or Dad, I don't want to make things difficult for you. I will do my best to find a way to make things as easy for you as possible. I am sorry, I wish this could only be hard on me. Please just try to accept this and work with me on it instead of against me. I don't want to loose you over this."

I don't know what to do. I so desperately want it out in the open. I'm so tired of lying, both to my parents and his. I have to be one person with my parents, another with his parents. One person with my non muslim friends, and another with my muslim friends. I want to be myself, always. Not just when it is convenient for everyone else. Right now, the main thing holding me back is a fear that I could loose my parents. If I can lessen that fear I will be able to think more clearly.

My God help me. May God make it easy for me. I thank God for the ease he has given me. May God lessen the burden on my parents and help them find a way to understand. May God accept my plea to be closer to him and to find my way.

May God help us all in our journey.

Amen

Keeping Christmas

Yes you heard me right, I’m keeping Christmas. Christmas will not mean the same thing to me as a muslim but I need to keep it for a few reasons.

As a muslim, Christmas is about celebrating your family and friends. By giving gifts you show the other person you appreciate them and care for them. It’s a lovely guesture of good will. It can also still be Jesus’ birthday. Nothing wrong with saying “Happy Birthday Jesus” even if its totally at the wrong time of year. I just won’t be celebrating the birth of God’s son/God born on earth. I also will not be attending mass unless I can sit in the back and just watch.

I have to come home to celebrate Christmas. My refusal to come home or acknowledge Christmas would be grounds for disownment by my parents. They would say I am denying my upbringing and my culture. They would also take it as a deep person insult. Obivously, none of these things are worth taking a stand against Christmas.

Also, I just love Christmas. It’s happy and colorful. I get to see all my extended family that I never see otherwise. I get to buy gifts for people which I LOVE. It’s a beautiful time of year about peace and joy.

I worry about when I have children with Christian grandparents. Eid will never be as cool as Christmas and my parents might want to do Santa Claus. I suppose I would tackle that when it came.

There are a few things I will have to cut out though. The decorations that cannot be considered winter will have to go. Luckily, I don’t have religious decorations or Santas. The hardest will be the tree. I’m use to having it and I have so many beautiful ornaments including a 20+ year collection of Peanuts ornaments. I love my tree. Its warm and beautiful and reminds me of my childhood. I asked my Love about it and although he likes the tree he thinks it would be inappropriate. I warned him that I will have to replace Christmas with something and that something will be Eid ul Fitr. He said that was fine as long as I didn’t try to put up an Eid Tree. I will have to keep a tree around though just in case my parents visit during December. They will still expect me to have a tree. The reaction to not having one could be horribly damaging.

So the question is: How can you adopt some Christmas traditions into Eid and what do you do with all that Christmas stuff? Here are a few suggestions:

1) Ramadan Calendar – Many of us had those awesome Advent calendars with the chocolate. For Eid ul Fitr 2010, I plan to make a cloth Ramadan calendar with pockets. I know that Ramadan can vary in how long it is so I will make the max number of pockets and pin a little moon with a star to the day for Eid. That allows the day to change. I will have some sort of marker to move pocket to pocket and fill the pockets with dates to break the fast. I think it will be super cute. A great idea if you have children.

2) Donation Box – Want something to decorate? Make a donation box. Decorate the box however you like. You can then do the following: Add the money into it you would normally spend on lunch, put all your change to accumulate through Ramadan into the box etc. It will be fun and then you can donate the money to a good cause. Another great idea if you have children.

3) Ornaments – what to do with them. Well you could use them as Eid decorations if they are just colored balls. Otherwise, if you have a collection like I do get a cabinet with a glass door and display them all year round. Or you could give them to family members or a good cause.

4) The tree – There isn’t much you can do with a tree. My tree is only 1.5 feet tall so I am going to turn it into a cute all year round decoration with some birds and cloth to hide the base.

5) Decorations that are more winter themed should be permissible. Just make sure they aren’t too christmasy.

6) I know it is not traditional to give gifts for Eid. I will, however, be doing so. I love giving presents, I figure no one will object.

7) I will still give gifts to my family. Christmas will be about celebrating them and my friends. I will no longer expect to get gifts though which makes me sad. I look forward to my Christmas check. I could see my mother withholding that from me after my conversion.

8) Many churches have something called a giving tree which has names of people in need and a list of what they need. Ask your mosque or local center to contact a shelter and see if they can get a list of people who need. People need help more than once a year after all.

So those are some suggestions and things I would do.

Any more suggestions? Anyone have any advice about dealing with Christian family members and Christmas as a muslim?

Focus

Any suggestions on how to stay focused? I don't mean on my studies in Islam, I mean staying focused in the rest of my life. Particularly at work. I've gotten so wrapped up in religion that I'm starting to make mistakes at work because I'm not thinking clearly. I'm not focused on the task at hand. This is obviously not good. Small mistakes, like forgetting to mail something, happen. But if little mistakes start happening a lot, and they have, its only a matter of time before I make a big mistake. And I can't make a big mistake and keep my job. My head is constantly filled with thinking about what I just read in a book, what I will do at school, or how I feel about this or that. So full, that it often pushes away new thoughts making my memory extra terrible at the moment.

Any advice?

Engagement and Islam

Ladies, enlighten me. I have heard a couple different answers to how engagements work in Islam and I was hoping someone could give me some credible info. I know that you are suppose to go into an engagement with the intention of marriage but I have a feeling its often used like dating, hense why the engagement ring does not seem to be popular in Islamic culture. It seems to be dating with commitment, a concept so foreign to most Westerners. Its so much like courting, rather than dating.

Is it the intention of marriage that makes it different from dating in a western sense? Because you are going in with the intention to find out if you want to marry this someone that's what makes it an engagement?

I have also heard of people having their Nikah and then waiting months to even a year before they hold their Walimah. Now I could be wrong but this is my understanding: You are not technically married till after the Walimah, but you can function like a couple who lives together until your Walimah. If you decide to separate you technically did not divorce because you never completed your marriage. Another loop hole? Someone I know has a brother who waited almost a year between his Nikah and Walimah. His now wife and him lived together for the entire time in between ceremonies. Originally, I thought the Nikah was merely an engagement ceremony.

I have heard three scenarios:

1) Even in engagement, you have to be monitored all the time with your significant other. You are never left alone even in public. Its really no different than the initial stages of getting to know the other person.

2) Once engaged, you can function like you are dating. You can hold hands, go out together without supervision, converse freely with each other etc. The only thing you are not allowed to do is be left completely alone together for obvious reasons.

3) The minute you are engaged its a free for all. It works exactly like dating, you are free to be together alone and in public. Its just like Western dating.

I'm so confused. Please help. I want to know what I'm getting myself into LOL! If anyone has any books or websites to recommend please do. This concerns me not only for myself but if I ever have children. I'm not so sure I like the way Islam tries to control this element of human nature and its views on falling in love (which are not favorable).

Giving A Book To My Mother

I would like to give "Daughters of Another Path" to my mother when I go home for Christmas. I want to do it in a way that will not seem like I am going "You MUST read this, this is what I want to do deal with it." If I give her "Daughters" and tell her to "read it" she most likely will not and will feel forced. I never want either of my parents to feel forced to understand what I want. If they never take any time to understand, that is fine. They need to do it by their own free will or learning will turn into resentment. However, I think this is the best book I could give her about understanding Islam both the religion and its place in American society.

Here is my idea: I am going to give her "Daughters" with a group of other books. I bring home books for her all the time so it won't seem so odd if its stuck in the stack. I figured I'd give her "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" and "Mere Christianity" but I'd love to add like a fun, girly book in there. Sadly, she already has my collection of "Shopaholic" books. I'm definitely willing to buy a book and pretend I read it just so I can throw it in there. I don't own a lot of fluff, I'd have to dig pretty deep into my book collection to find some more fluff.

I figure this way I can just leave it for her. If she reads it, fine. If not, oh well.

Any advice?

Facebook: deleting People and Having a Second Account

This thought ocured to me when Sister A said she had a facebook and I should friend her. Sister F said the same thing but then decided I was too old to be her facebook friend >_<. To be honest, I'm not comfortable having Sister A as my friend on my current facebook. I have a lot of friends who have questionable material on their facebook plus there are still pictures up of me not in hijab, some with short sleeves or skirts that my parents put up. Not that she would fault me for that since I'm not muslim, but it still seems inappropriate.

This lead to me thinking that if I converted I might need two facebook accounts. Most likely, my parents would choose not to tell my extended family that I converted. I have a lot of my extended family on my facebook, I can't just randomly de-friend all of them! I also don't know how I would go about asking friends to take down photos of me not in hijab, the best I can do is untag the photo since most are group shots. If I stuck with one facebook it would mean that I couldn't post pictures of me in hijab, with my hijabi friends, or of my Islamic wedding (don't freak, I'm not engaged). That would not be fun for me.

So my questions are:

How do you de-friend people who just have a lot of questionable material you don't want your other friends to see? Is their a function that will still allow you to get in contact with this person but won't let your friends see the content of their facebook page?

How many of you who are converts have 2 facebooks? Do you all think its a good idea?