So I told my mom she was coming over and this is how that conversation went:
Mom: I thought she wore a veil?
Me: Yeah she does.
Mom: Then how can she wear any of your clothes?
Me: She can wear normal clothes as long as they are modest. Like tunics or long shirts. She wears T-shirts and stuff. Just with a scarf.
Mom: That's weird. I thought she had to wear one of those black dress things.
Me: No one I know wears one of those. No she wears normal clothes.
Mom: Can she wear shorts?
Me: Um no, you can't show your legs.
Mom: That's ridiculous! How are shorts not modest?!
Me: I don't like shorts so I really don't care if you can wear them or not.
Mom: Ok, well have fun bye.
So this tells me a couple of things:
1) Mom still gets all her Islamic info from the news.
2) She thinks all muslim women who wear scarves also wear abayas even though I told her many times his sister wears normal clothes and mother wears shalwar kameez.
3) She has not read the copy of "Daughters of Another Path" that I left for her.
4) I am going to have more issues with this than I thought considering she got mad at me over shorts.
On top of that, I learned more about Pakistani Islamic culture. Although they are moving away from arranged marriages, it is still considered very bad to even know the person before you marry. Which seems silly because you should at least have a clue about someone before you marry them! My Love's parents were arranged and they do ok. Sis does not want that at all and they have agreed to not make their children have arranged marriages but once their child gets engaged thats it: they are getting married whether they are compatible or not. Now that seems really counter productive. If you find in the "getting to know you" process you are not compatible then you shouldn't get married. Or you will get divorced! Is crazy I tell you.
Scholars encourage you to get to know a potential spouse before marriage to avoid divorce and encourage you to be friends with your spouse. Muhammad was friends first with Khadijah before they married. Wouldn't you want to follow in the footsteps of the prophet? I would think so.
Cultures do not make sense sometimes....I know mine sure doesn't....this one doesn't either....
Bleh
Posts
"Scholars encourage you to get to know a potential spouse before marriage to avoid divorce and encourage you to be friends with your spouse. Muhammad was friends first with Khadijah before they married. Wouldn't you want to follow in the footsteps of the prophet?"
ReplyDeleteGood point!! Interesting point about shorts and modesty. I think modesty depends on the context, so if people in a country think certain types of shorts are modest, do you think a Muslim woman would be able to wear them? (I'm pretty sure everyone's answer is going to be now - but modesty is such a relative thing.)
Oh this is such a cute post! I started laughing at fashion wisdom and how are shorts not modest? and then at Mom still gets all her Islamic info from the news. Haha! So cute. Your Mom is cute.
ReplyDeleteI don't like shorts and I don't think they are modest either :)
"Muhammad was friends first with Khadijah before they married. Wouldn't you want to follow in the footsteps of the prophet? I would think so."
Ah, but you see that was before they both became Muslim :) No, that was a joke. Seriously I see your point but I don't think many Muslims will accept it. I mean I live in the Gulf and to know a man like you know your Love before marriage is unanimously considered haraam in the Arab and non-Arab Muslim countries. It doesn't matter whether you get physical or just talk, there is no room for platonic long-term relationships. If you think you like someone, get married soon before Shaitaan comes between you two. I can actually understand that. Early Muslims didn't have engagements or long-term relationships before marriage. They would have a marraige contract at least if they were not ready to live together. Engagements were more prevalent in Pagan households. Aisha was engaged to a Pagan man but she was religiously married to Muhammad even though they didn't start living together until she turned 9 because Muhammad didn't have the Mahr to give to her father.
So Islamically speaking those people who don't believe in dating before marriage or even engagements are technically not wrong.
"If you think you like someone, get married soon before Shaitaan comes between you two."
ReplyDeleteWanted to explain that it wasn't directly at you; I was trying to explain the general feeling. I must add that young people today are not very happy with the idea of arranged marriages. They want to know the person they want to marry. That is understandable as well.
Cairo: I don't like shorts so its hard to say LOL. Like the knee length shorts I dont have issues with but I think shorts are pushing it.
ReplyDeleteAchelois: I kinda get it. I wouldn't want to get married to someone I didn't know. And its weird because they have no issue with us being friends. Same with my other friends who are Pakistani: They get to know a girl first through email and then decide if they want to bring the parents into it. You'd just think you'd avoid divorce by talking to the man before marriage. I totally get the idea of avoiding temptations for the longer you know each other the more tempted you will be. Heck if we had both been muslim we may have been married within the first year of knowing each other so Im not saying it needs to be forever. But taking a couple months to get to know what they want from life i think is smart before you marry.
Honestly I don't agree with western dating at all. I think it causes the opposite problem and leads to divorce. Instead of not knowing enough about the person you know too much physically and mentally. Thus leading to people who date for 10 years and have done EVERYTHING one does in a marriage prior to being married. You also get completely clouded by your physical attraction/hormonal attraction to the person and you may not see how incompatible you are. Especially if you didn't start out with a friendship.
I really do think being friends with someone prior to marriage is important. Even if you don't see them often, or only communicate through IM or text or whatever. Knowing that person without the pressure of marriage and a physical relationship really allows you to get to know that person for who they really are.
My parents, as well, (dad especially) have a problem with my not wearing shorts, and bikinis, and knee length skirts, etc. You'd think a conservative Christian family like mine would see the value in dressing modestly even if they weren't extremely fond of my intentions (to please Allah...whom they view as a seperate/false god).
ReplyDeleteMy dad FREAKED out about shorts last summer. Last summer I still wore short sleeves, though, and this summer I'm trying to change that. Oooh dear, we'll see how this goes. :/ And just think when I take on the veil full time...
Also, can we prohibit parents from watching the news? Or at least any news pertaining to Islam and/or the MidEast? I think it would really help our cause.
Liz: ROTFL "can we prohibit parents from watching the news?" I WISH.
ReplyDeleteYeah you'd think they would LIKE the conservative clothes. I HATE Bikinis so my compromise was a tankini with a skirt bottom and it was so cute my mom was fine with it. But I'd still rather wear an oversized T-shirt with long boys swim shorts. But that would embarass my parents.
A suggestion for the summer: Find tops with really wide sleeves. That way the air can pass through up to the armpits. My friend, who is in the medical field, told me that your arm pits are one of the main cooling points of your body so if the air can get to them you wont be so hot. The neck is one of the other ones along with wrists. I'll post some on Modest Ink :)
Aw, I'm glad she learned a little something about hijabi style -- that they don't all wear black abayas! In a way, it's a good thing that she sees that even a hijabi can wear her daughter's quite normal clothes.
ReplyDeleteMy parents didn't like it much when I stopped wearing shorts, but it had nothing to do with Islam and more to do with body image. They were upset about that because they wanted me to have more confidence and eat healthy. When I came back from Egypt, I had a newfound sense of modesty and stopped wearing tank tops too. That was upsetting because they saw it as more of a control from my husband. And it started off that way for real... If hijab comes, it will become about religion...