This thought ocured to me when Sister A said she had a facebook and I should friend her. Sister F said the same thing but then decided I was too old to be her facebook friend >_<. To be honest, I'm not comfortable having Sister A as my friend on my current facebook. I have a lot of friends who have questionable material on their facebook plus there are still pictures up of me not in hijab, some with short sleeves or skirts that my parents put up. Not that she would fault me for that since I'm not muslim, but it still seems inappropriate.
This lead to me thinking that if I converted I might need two facebook accounts. Most likely, my parents would choose not to tell my extended family that I converted. I have a lot of my extended family on my facebook, I can't just randomly de-friend all of them! I also don't know how I would go about asking friends to take down photos of me not in hijab, the best I can do is untag the photo since most are group shots. If I stuck with one facebook it would mean that I couldn't post pictures of me in hijab, with my hijabi friends, or of my Islamic wedding (don't freak, I'm not engaged). That would not be fun for me.
So my questions are:
How do you de-friend people who just have a lot of questionable material you don't want your other friends to see? Is their a function that will still allow you to get in contact with this person but won't let your friends see the content of their facebook page?
How many of you who are converts have 2 facebooks? Do you all think its a good idea?
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salam sister, I'm a convert with two facebook account one for my close family and friends and then one for people I meet online but my husband said something to me that really made me think 2FACEbook, kinda made me think am I really letting myself be one way for a certain group.
ReplyDeleteAnon - Salaam. Yeah that was my worry, that I would basically be making myself one way for one group to keep up appearances. But part of it would be to protect my parents from the back lash of my extended family. They would not take fondly to my conversion.
ReplyDeletewell, all the sisters I know have facebook and I have photos of them in hijab etc, but not without it.
ReplyDeleteI have facebook and it hasnt left me in any compromising points yet. I dont have and picture on facebook that I would be ashamed of to show my family. Most of the pictures of me are now modestly dressed and it is fine!
just be careful on the pictures you upload.
When I convert I will cross the bridge when I come to it. Many Friends I have are slightly inappropriate but at the end of the day, if you are appropriate and your dress is fine that you are comfortable with your parents seeing, chances are that they are more modest than many on facebook!
There are ways you can control who sees what. You can create friend lists and apply different privacy settings to each list. For example you could have a "Muslim friends" list and then create a photo album that only the "Muslim friends" list could be able to see.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.allfacebook.com/2009/02/facebook-privacy/
Salaam alaikum,
ReplyDeleteWow, I didn't even think of the "two Facebook profile" option. That might be a good idea. Unfortunately, all my pictures of me on Facebook are me without hijab since my mom randomly checks my profile (even though I'm a sophomore in college) and I can't let her know that I converted. All my friends know my situation, though, and I generally don't add gentlemen as my friends on Facebook, so for now it's okay. I would say leave it up to your own judgement; it's only Facebook, nothing to get too worked up over. :)
Thanks for the advice. Yes one of my thoughts was to create a group.
ReplyDeleteI think in the end I won't be too fanatical if my friends or family have pics up of me not in hijab. That was me before, we will start with me after. The world won't end after all.
Prior to converting, I deleted the whole thing. I am now the odd one out in college and do not have a facebook. There were over 1,000 pictures of me on there, a lot of them are still there (added by my sister and friends) but I am no longer tagged, of course.
ReplyDeleteIt started with my husband being bothered by pictures of me on facebook in a bikini. He was then bothered by pictures of me hugging my friends that were guys. It wasn't just a jealously thing, although that was part, but his family sometimes looked at these things and it wasn't a very good selling point, I can tell you that. One cousin actually photoshopped one of the pictures of me in a bikini to be somehow insulting. I never saw it, and my husband didn't tell me much in order to protect me (and to keep his anger in check), nevertheless, I was so embarrassed to know that this picture was being used somewhere in Saudi Arabia to slander my husband's good name (not to mention what they were thinking about me!).
Facebook ended up being so much more of a problem than it was worth. After the birth of my son, I finally just deleted the whole thing and my life has honestly been so much easier since. I don't have to worry about having a 'muslim' facebook for those who know and my 'christian' facebook to keep up appearances. I have a shutterfly account to share pictures of my son with close friends and relatives, but no pictures of me to avoid the hijab controversy.
Nikki: Ive thought of that too, deleting the whole thing. But its used so much as a contact tool I'm not sure I could do that. Mash'Allah there are no super inappropriate pictures of me on facebook. I may not be in hijab, but I still look respectful so it should be ok. But deleting is probably the best option.
ReplyDeleteI only have one. I have blogging and Muslim friends on there who know I'm Muslim and use Islamic phrases with me, and my family is on Facebook too (not much my parents though, but my brother and cousins and aunts and uncles), and it hasn't been a problem. I guess me not wearing hijab makes it easier... I am myself both ways. Not hiding anything, although I'm not openly saying it either.
ReplyDeleteCandice: Yeah I could get away with that for a while. I have a couple muslim friends on facebook and no one says anything, but my extended family would never in a million years think I was interested in Islam anyway. So basically, as long as I don't put up picks of me in hijab no one will make a fuss.
ReplyDeleteSome of my family thinks I am Muslim already (from like a couple years ago when I had no thought of converting) just because I don't like to eat pork and I have a Muslim husband. So they might have suspicions still, but I don't think they would get into my business unless they saw any big changes. If I started wearing hijab, I'd surely hear about it. But it's out of love that they'd be worried about my situation.
ReplyDeleteCandice: Yes I know, their worry is out of love. I live far away from my extended family so the only contact I have with them is facebook except for the two times a year I go back home. For me it would be easy to hide. I simply wouldn't wear a scarf with them, maybe a hat or something, and no one would ever notice.
ReplyDeleteI have one Facebook. I've got it configured so that only friends can see my profile. The minute I started covering, I removed all pics of me without hijab, and there haven't been any problems. And BTW I am not even Muslim, so wearing hijab doesn't necessarily make you one.
ReplyDelete