Closing Time

This blog is now closed. It details the last year of my 2 year adventure with Islam and the man I loved. Feel free to read it.

To continue following my story please visit and follow Wheel of Samsara. My email will remain inkblotsblueabayas (at) gmail.com

Thank you to those who followed inkblotsblueabayas. For all your support and love. I hope you will continue on this journey with me.

Salaam.

What Happened

I am going to tell the tale because I feel it needs to be told. I have seen too many bright young women end up in my shoes. I want this blog to be an example. Learn the lesson I learned. Some relationships between people of different religions and different cultures work. But if you are expected to change your religion, to change yourself that relationship is going to fall apart. You may love them, but love alone does not a marriage make.

I realized it when My Former Love and I were having another discussion about hijab. This was probably two months ago. We've had this conversation a thousand times in the last 1.5 years. I told him flat out I did not want to wear the scarf. He said a wife of his must wear the scarf otherwise she will not be properly respected. She will not be seen as a good Muslim. The fury began to boil in me and I as I stared at him I realized why: He had no right to ask me of that.

If he were orthodox in his behavior, I could understand the request. But he is not. He wants to date just like any other American, interact with women, wear tight shirts, go to haram events, avoid going to the mosque, and listen to music. He bends rules when its convienent for him. Doesn't make him a disbeliever, but it sure makes him unorthodox. Yet he wants to marry an orthodox woman who wears traditional hijab, goes to the mosque, looks good in front of the community and his family and is an overall pious Muslim lady.

See the problem? He didn't want to change, but he expected me to change everything. He also expected me to do a 180 once married which is basically impossible.

Problem two was his family. They want him to only marry a Pakistani. He never once in 1.5 years told them about me as his girlfriend. He is too afraid of them. He would have backed off in a second if they had said no to the white American. He did not want to stand up for me. Fear of parents and in laws who hate you for your race does not a good marriage make. Plus they never would have even looked at me as a non Muslim. They would have kicked me out the door. They don't trust convert women, his family says they always let you down. Due to one experience they had. Hold grudges hard his family does.

Add the legal problems and the possibility of leaving the country and you get the whole picture in a nutshell. Now, when we started he told me all I had to do was be Muslim. Didn't say what kind and that his family could care less what my ethnicity is. I didn't have any idea about his legal status. Turned out I had to be a orthodox Shia Muslim, his family did care A LOT, and there were major legal issues a foot that I didn't learn about till over a year into the relationship. Ladies, these things should have been red flags. I was so engrossed in Islam I barely noticed them at all. He was my source of information, my hook up into the community. These issues didn't come to light until I realized there was a slim chance of me being an orthodox Muslim (or one at all). Once I knew that wasn't going to happen, I saw all the problems we were about to face. Most I was not willing to face. And I knew he would chicken out once it came to play his part with his family. It was a lost cause from the beginning.

Ladies take care. If he is of another religion proceed with caution. If his family is directly from a Muslim country or any other country with strict cultural ties proceed with caution. Ask about his family. If they are super orthodox or seem to only stick to their ethnicity be concerned. Ask if they have had any experiences with converts or Non-Muslims. Ask questions, pay attention. Ask how they got their citizenship. Ask what he expects from a wife and hope he tells you the truth right away and doesn't withhold information. Try not to let your hormones and your heart cloud your good judgement.

This is all coming from a girl who knows. Salaam everyone, this is the last real post of inkblotsblueabayas.

End of an Era

I bet you all have noticed the changes in my posts in the past 2 months. I've noticed them too.

I really thought I could just change this blog up a bit and keep going. But its like trying to continue a book after its obviously ended. You can't. That is why there are sequels instead of books that are 5 thousand pages long. Because sometimes the story has to end and get picked up again somewhere else. Same characters, different situation, different time, different place.

That is kinda what my life is like now. When I started inkblotsblueabayas I started it to showcase RTV and you can see how well that worked out. So well, RTV ended up needing its own blog because it got pushed so far out by my exploration of Islam. And my battle with my love for well, My Love.

But now, My Love is not my love anymore. That dream of us being a happily married Muslim couple is no more. I'm leaving the Big City, and starting a new life in the midwest. I'm still studying Islam, but I get to sit back more. I don't need to read constantly, think constantly, force myself to do things. I don't feel that push to choose anymore. I feel I can take my time, take forever if I need, I no longer have to choose. I no longer have a deadline. Thank God.

I want to explore other religions again. I want to get a well rounded picture of God. I want to see Him in the eyes of many others. I want to branch out and understand the world. I want to go among the Jews, the Buddhists, the Christians, and see what they do. Just like I went among the Muslims.

I won't close Inkblotsblueabayas. I feel that it needs to stay open. I feel that it is a good tool for women who are in my past position. There are many of us who fall for a Muslim man and go through all the trials I have been through. For some it works, others it does not. But I wish there had been a resource for me to look at, so I could see what some people went through. So I could have known that his parents might be against me, he couldn't do this or that, and that the likelihood of me fulfilling his expectations were slim to none. I wish I would have had a story to read. Well, here is that story.

Before it closes I will write a post that explains what happened. What ended this era. Then, a new blog will open. And a new era will begin.

Namaste.

Ok, Its Hot Modest Ladies

Ok Ladies. I just have to say this to all my hijabi/modest sisters. Dears, lovlies....

Its hot. Stop wearing a skin tight long sleeve shirt under a maxi dress. Or a two layered scarf look with long sleeved T under a short dress over jeans. You will overheat. You will pass out.

Couple weeks ago I went to circle to see my lovely Sisters. They were all hanging out in front of the fan saying how horribly hot it was. And I looked at all of them. Each had 2-3 layers on, the bottom layer being a tight T. All of them had scarf styles that wrapped tightly around the head with an underscarf. I was in a maxi dress, square scarf in a triangle, slip and loose cardigan. I was fine. They were not in the 90 degree heat. And then they wanted to know why they were so hot!

Ladies, I love you. I don't want to see you pass out. Please be smart about what you wear in this heat. I know that some of you follow the 2 layer rule and that can be achieved without being hot. I have a few tips for the modest in this heat:

Scarf Style: I know some of you feel this is only for the aunties but a square folded in half and pinned under the chin seems to be the coolest way to go.

Maxi dress: Pair it with a loose cardigan and you are good to go. Need two layers? use a slip as well. You will stay super cool.

Light weight Abaya: They are indeed cool. Wear a light weight sheath cotton dress underneath and you will be staying cool. Avoid dark colors if possible.

Tunic shirts: these are made for heat, as in made in India. I love them. Shirt a little see through? Use a skin toned bra. No one will be able to tell. Also a tip for white: NEVER wear a white bra under a white garment. It will show right through. Always use skin tone.

Wide leg linen pants: way cooler than those tight jeans and adorable with short dresses, linen pants are the way to go. You can get them at H&M and Forever 21.

Natural fabrics: Use cotton and other natural fabrics. They let your skin breathe and allow the air to circulate.

Wide Sleeves: One of your cooling points oddly enough is your armpit. Make sure the arm hole of your shirts are wide and the sleeves are a little wide. This will allow for air flow and keep you cool.

Anyone have any other suggestions?

To The Brides...

Brides: Do not mandate a dress code for your bachelorette party. Especially if that dress code is a little black dress.

My friend is getting married. For her party we are heading to a place where these bands she likes play. Not fancy at all. I assumed that the dress code would be jeans and a t-shirt.

I was wrong.

She turns to me today and says "Do you own a little black dress?"

I, assuming she wanted to borrow it, said, "Yeah I do. Its really little and I only wore it once a long while ago for a wedding. I bet you'd like it." (My friend loves tiny clothing. Sexy, but usually somewhat sophisticated. With massive high heels.)

Then she grinned like the Cheshire Cat, "Well, you'll need it for my bachelorette party. You all are required to wear little black dresses. My girls are going to look sexy."

I starred at her, kinda like in a cartoon when the character's jaw drops and the eyes bug out. Then I laughed at her. "You know I don't wear that stuff. Besides I don't own one that I would wear in public."

She smiled. "Well then you need to get one." I saw that mischievous twinkle in her eye that let me know she knew she was getting under my skin, in a playful way.

We bantered back and forth. I asking for a little more fabric, she taking it away. I fighting for a knee length hemline, she pulling for a lower neckline. We settled on the idea of me finding a black dress that was Mad Men Style. Sexy, but sophisticated. Covered in the right places.

But she is still determined to get me into a truly little black dress.

Ladies, don't do this to your friends. Its just not cool.

My Mate List

Sarah at Climbing the Ivory Tower put up a rather fun list about what she would like in a partner. I thought this was fun and would make one myself.

1) We need to have things in common so we can actually go out and enjoy stuff together. I don't want to be like my parents who don't do anything because they have nothing in common.

2) Friendship. This is incredibly important to me because after about a year that crazy chemical attraction wears off and you are left with compatibility. One of the best ways to ensure a long relationship is friendship. It means you have more interest in each other outside of a dating relationship.

3) Kindness and understanding. I can get a little overly emotional. I need my man to be able to sit back, take it in, then calmly deal with me. Usually takes a kind and understanding person to do that.

4) Must be a geek. Its a requirement. Only a geek will ever truly understand me. Doesn't need to be full on geek, but has to understand geek-ness.

5) Someone who is independent. I don't want to have to take care of them all the time. They also can't be constantly indecisive...that drives me crazy. I want him to take initiative sometimes.

6) He can't be orthodox in any religion. Its too hard to blend orthodox and reformed. In fact, anyone too into one particular religion might not work well for me. But he does need to believe in God.

7) Intelligence. I like men I can have an actual conversation with who are interested in books and philosophy and the world, not just football.

8) He needs to have drive. I can't stand unmotivated men. If life isn't working for you do something about it. Go toward a goal.

9) Someone who's family understands the customs of the country they live in. Also, a family who is not too into their religion and can accept people from outside their culture/ethnicity.

10) Someone who will talk to me when something is bothering them. I hate when partners avoid confrontation because they don't want to upset you. Avoidance just makes things worse.

11) Someone who is an American citizen.

12) I would do well with a left brainer. As I am 100% artsy right brained, I tend to not get along well with people who are also right brained. That is because I am right brained but practical/realistic. Many right brainers are not. I prefer mathematicians, scientists, philosophers, physicologists, IT, or technicians. Maybe a graphic designer. Absolutely no actors...EVER. That mistake I will not make again.

13) Someone who does not get drunk. I really don't think I could date someone who likes to get drunk.

14) Someone who can go out on the town, but be just as ok staying in and watching TV.

15) I'd love a man who would set up romantic surprises. I've never had one of those and I think they'd be fun lol.

What do you want in man/woman?

Review: Peeps by Scott Westerfeld

Title: Peeps *****

Author: Scott Westerfeld

Genre: Fiction, Young Adult, Sci Fi/Horror

Audience: For those who love a book that will constantly keep you guessing. A fast paced thrill that may make your skin crawl. Lovers of dark, horror fantasy will enjoy this novel. And those who love science.

Content:

Ok let's clear some myths about vampires.

First of all, you won't see me using the V-word much. In the Night Watch, we prefer the term parasite positive, or peeps, for short.

The main thing to remember is there's no magic involved. No flying. Humans don't have hollow bones or wings - the disease doesn't change that. No transforming into bas or rats either. It's impossible to turn into something much smaller than yourself - where would the extra mass go?

Follow Cal on a scientific adventure through the underbelly of New York City. Cal, a freshman in college, learns very quickly after a one night stand in New York City that there is something quite special about him. Unfortunately for Cal, loosing his virginity changed his life. Cal is now a carrier of the parasite which changes people into vampire-like creatures or Peeps. Luckily for Cal, he is a carrier; All the super human abilities but none of the flesh eating madness. Cal's job is to find these crazed Peeps and bring them in to the special organization known as the Night Watch. But what does Cal do when a young journalism student stumbles onto his work? How can Cal find his progenitor, his source, to stop the parasite? And what is that horrible smell lurking in the basement of Lace's apartment building?

Opinion:

I don't normally review the young adult novels I read but this one was so good I needed to tell you all about it. Honestly, if you wave away young adult novels, saying they are too young for you, then you are missing out on a lot of amazing literature. Scott Westerfeld is better known for the Uglies series. I have so far read two books in that series, Uglies and Pretties, but found myself rather bored with Pretties. However, I love his writing. His characters are so real and his dialogue is so well crafted you think you are listening in on an actual conversation. So I wanted to give one of his other books a try. My friend, the young adult enthusiast, suggested Peeps.

And I am so glad she did.

Peeps is by far one of the best books I have read. Even if you don't like sci fi I would highly suggest this book. Honestly, its more science based then sci fi. The book centers around the idea of this ancient parasite that makes people appear like vampires (And was actually the source of the myth of the vampire). They don't run around sucking blood or anything but they do kill anything they can for meat. The parasite loves meat. We see the underbelly of New York City through the eyes of 19 year old Cal who found out after his first week in New York City that condoms really are your best friend. Contracting the parasite from a lover, he later learns that he too spread the parasite to girlfriends he had after this woman (It transfers through saliva as well). The story picks up when Cal meets Lace, a journalism student, who figures out pretty quickly that something is not right. The interaction between these two characters is priceless. They are hilarious together and so real. Cal himself is rather charming and you feel for him right away. You want to be his friend and you definitely care what happens to him.

One of the charming parts of this book is that before every chapter there is a page about a parasite. You get to learn what all different kinds of parasites can do. If you are squeamish I suggest skipping these pages. They can be a bit graphic. Not for the faint of heart.

Pick it up, give it a try. Its an amazing book.

If you like this you may like: - Tithe - Holly Black, Brave New World - Adolph Huxley, 1984 - Orwell, Uglies - Scott Westerfeld, AIr - G. Willow Wilson