Engagement and Islam

Ladies, enlighten me. I have heard a couple different answers to how engagements work in Islam and I was hoping someone could give me some credible info. I know that you are suppose to go into an engagement with the intention of marriage but I have a feeling its often used like dating, hense why the engagement ring does not seem to be popular in Islamic culture. It seems to be dating with commitment, a concept so foreign to most Westerners. Its so much like courting, rather than dating.

Is it the intention of marriage that makes it different from dating in a western sense? Because you are going in with the intention to find out if you want to marry this someone that's what makes it an engagement?

I have also heard of people having their Nikah and then waiting months to even a year before they hold their Walimah. Now I could be wrong but this is my understanding: You are not technically married till after the Walimah, but you can function like a couple who lives together until your Walimah. If you decide to separate you technically did not divorce because you never completed your marriage. Another loop hole? Someone I know has a brother who waited almost a year between his Nikah and Walimah. His now wife and him lived together for the entire time in between ceremonies. Originally, I thought the Nikah was merely an engagement ceremony.

I have heard three scenarios:

1) Even in engagement, you have to be monitored all the time with your significant other. You are never left alone even in public. Its really no different than the initial stages of getting to know the other person.

2) Once engaged, you can function like you are dating. You can hold hands, go out together without supervision, converse freely with each other etc. The only thing you are not allowed to do is be left completely alone together for obvious reasons.

3) The minute you are engaged its a free for all. It works exactly like dating, you are free to be together alone and in public. Its just like Western dating.

I'm so confused. Please help. I want to know what I'm getting myself into LOL! If anyone has any books or websites to recommend please do. This concerns me not only for myself but if I ever have children. I'm not so sure I like the way Islam tries to control this element of human nature and its views on falling in love (which are not favorable).

Looking for a Translation/Transliteration of the 5 Daily Prayers

Salaam,

Does anyone know a website where I might find the 5 daily prayers with english translation and transliteration of the Arabic? I would like to start learning the prayers, but I do not just want to choose a website. I would rather someone recommend one to me so that I know the information is correct.

I am having a lot of trouble learning to pray. The book I have is so confusing, and all the "prayer words" are in Arabic so I don't have any idea when you move from one position to another because I can't read the words. Help! I'm going to need one of the sisters at the school to teach me after all. Maybe Sister A or Sister F can help me.

Any suggestions are more than welcome. I'd like to at least learn the words in english so I can start saying the prayers much like one says Du'a. Then I can move into actually doing the 5 prayers. And I need to make a cheat sheet that tells me when to change position etc so I can practice when I'm at school.

Thanks in advance!

Advent Starts Today

For those that are Christian, the holy season of Advent begins today.

You can read about Advent HERE

Did anyone else have those awesome German chocolate advent calendars as a kid? I LOVE those. If I become muslim, I am so making something similar for Ramadan. Advent and Ramadan actually have a quite a few similarities, a period of waiting and fasting and reflection.

May you all have a blessed season, and a beautiful Christmas to come.

Salaam.

Social Awkwardness and Dating for Way Too Long

I noticed three things this weekend.

1) All social gatherings must have alcohol, especially with people in their 20s.

2) Grace is awkward when you don't believe in the trinity

3) People date for WAY too long nowadays

Minute I get there for Thanksgiving, wine comes out. Then all the 20 somethings want to go to a bar. Luckily, I was not feeling well and able to use that as an excuse. Wake up the next morning, serving champaigne with orange juice. Three days of constant drinking. Now, no one got drunk but they were constantly drinking and all the 20 something's stories had to do with bars or getting drunk. When did alcohol become such a pivtol part of our social interaction and society? do we no longer know how to have fun without it or are we just so use to it that it comes with the territory?

Grace is really awkward when you don't believe in the trinity. I did not want to make the sign of the cross and tried to avoid doing so without anyone seeing. I also changed "Christ" to "God" when I said Grace in my head.

For those of you who do not know what Grace is, it is the prayer said by Christians before a meal and goes something like this:

Blessed O Lord

For these and all thy gifts

which we are about to recieve

through thy bounty in Christ our Lord Amen.

I now understand why when some of my friends in high school came to dinner that they didn't do the sign of the cross or say grace.

What is going on with people dating FOREVER! Two couples came to Thanksgiving, both have been dating for seven years. Neither are engaged but they live together, own a car together, own a dog together, make future plans together. I do not understand this. I would think after a couple of years you would know you want to get married so just do it! Is it because society makes it so easy for people to be "married without commitment"? There is barely any difference to being married and how these couples live outside of a legal binding piece of paper. It really bothers me that this has become ok in society. Part of that may be my own jealousy since I can't even take My Love to a family dinner because he can't travel alone with me. He and I do not have the luxury they do, to spend time alone together, to go on trips together. Its awfully frustrating. Part of me is glad because it does keep you away from some temptation but it would be nice to take him to a family dinner once in awhile. But thats the way it is, I accept it. Doesn't mean I like it though.

Hope everyone had a joyous holiday.

Eid Mubarak!/ Happy Thanksgiving

I know its early but I won't have access to a computer till Eid is over. So Eid Mubarak everyone!

I will not be attending Eid this year but Insha'Allah I will in the future. This year, I have to have me some Turkey on Turkey Day.

I did realize this could be my last Thanksgiving where I can actually eat the food. That's kind of depressing. I LOVE Turkey. I would make it all year round, I like it way better than chicken. Sad face, I will have to find halal turkey. My Love insists that if we ever marry that we must find halal turkey. He and his family have never had a proper Thanksgiving dinner, that does need to be remedied :).

Everyone have a blessed holiday(s)!

Shukr - I went shopping

I couldn't help myself. When Shukr has a sale you just have to jump on it. Their stuff is so expensive otherwise. Now I just have to put a reminder in my phone to tell me to put the money back into my savings after Christmas. Is it weird that I just spent Christmas money at an Islamic clothing store? :)

This is what I got:

Black dress with ruffles. This I actually need for an anime convention (long story, for those who are anime fans, I'm making a Freya from Chobits costume) but I thought it was super cute anyway. I can definitely play with this and add some flare to it.

These pants are totally cute. They're $30USD!!!!

I needed a basic brown skirt so I chose this one.

This dress is my favorite purchase. It has little buttons down the front and an adorable belt. Its also my size and slim cut! Perfect for school.

And my free hijab:

So Happy! Shukr Sale

Giving A Book To My Mother

I would like to give "Daughters of Another Path" to my mother when I go home for Christmas. I want to do it in a way that will not seem like I am going "You MUST read this, this is what I want to do deal with it." If I give her "Daughters" and tell her to "read it" she most likely will not and will feel forced. I never want either of my parents to feel forced to understand what I want. If they never take any time to understand, that is fine. They need to do it by their own free will or learning will turn into resentment. However, I think this is the best book I could give her about understanding Islam both the religion and its place in American society.

Here is my idea: I am going to give her "Daughters" with a group of other books. I bring home books for her all the time so it won't seem so odd if its stuck in the stack. I figured I'd give her "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" and "Mere Christianity" but I'd love to add like a fun, girly book in there. Sadly, she already has my collection of "Shopaholic" books. I'm definitely willing to buy a book and pretend I read it just so I can throw it in there. I don't own a lot of fluff, I'd have to dig pretty deep into my book collection to find some more fluff.

I figure this way I can just leave it for her. If she reads it, fine. If not, oh well.

Any advice?

Facebook: deleting People and Having a Second Account

This thought ocured to me when Sister A said she had a facebook and I should friend her. Sister F said the same thing but then decided I was too old to be her facebook friend >_<. To be honest, I'm not comfortable having Sister A as my friend on my current facebook. I have a lot of friends who have questionable material on their facebook plus there are still pictures up of me not in hijab, some with short sleeves or skirts that my parents put up. Not that she would fault me for that since I'm not muslim, but it still seems inappropriate.

This lead to me thinking that if I converted I might need two facebook accounts. Most likely, my parents would choose not to tell my extended family that I converted. I have a lot of my extended family on my facebook, I can't just randomly de-friend all of them! I also don't know how I would go about asking friends to take down photos of me not in hijab, the best I can do is untag the photo since most are group shots. If I stuck with one facebook it would mean that I couldn't post pictures of me in hijab, with my hijabi friends, or of my Islamic wedding (don't freak, I'm not engaged). That would not be fun for me.

So my questions are:

How do you de-friend people who just have a lot of questionable material you don't want your other friends to see? Is their a function that will still allow you to get in contact with this person but won't let your friends see the content of their facebook page?

How many of you who are converts have 2 facebooks? Do you all think its a good idea?

Islam 101: Day 1

Mash'Allah

Today was amazing. It started off rocky as I was terrified of running into my neighbors in full hijab but once I got out of the building it was fine. I got to the school and became instantly lost as I was not sure of where to go. I met a lovely sister, one of the main coordinators of the school, who attempted to take me to tafseed/Qur'an class. Sadly, the teacher wasn't there so I sat in on a recitation class for about 15 minutes until the tafseed/Qur'an teacher arrived. It ended up being just me and her.

From the moment I met Sister A, I thanked Allah. She's amazing, intelligent, and honest. She told me all about moving from CA to Iran and back. Her hardship with Hajj and her work life. I was instantly comfortable and discussed my situation with her, that I am not muslim but am looking to learn more. That I may want to convert someday. I talked to her about my situation with my mother and why it was so hard on her. She was so honest about the hardships with muslims and the hardship of converts. I was so happy she didn't sugar coat anything. Her personality and my mine are similar and I got along great with her. Towards the end another young student, Sister F, came in and began asking questions which I was happy to answer. She later taught me how to do Wudu. So knowledgable for someone so young, she may be 14 or 15 years old but she can school the boys any day with her knowledge. She joined me in Brother S's class.

From there we went to the masjid and I watched the women pray. As I watched, Sister A explained to me what was going on. Then Brother S (the principal) gave a talk on Eid Al Adha which was interesting. The children were hysterical with there questions about Thanksgiving and why there is turkey. All Sister A had to do was look at me and I cracked up hysterically over it. Even we don't know exactly why we eat turkey. :) I wonder if around Christmas if I will need to answer questions about Santa? :)

I then went to Brother S's class with Sister F which is on the understanding of prayer. We discussed the different levels of wajib, how they apply. Perhaps when I can make better sense of this I will do a post on it, I have to review lol. We then discussed Hajj which was fascinating and made me really want to go. Its so beautiful, everyone together praying at once all in service to Allah.

Brother S's class is almost all teenage boys. I will definitely be wearing abaya always. Teenage boys are also very loud and obnotious. Part of me wishes the school was segregated.

After this we had lunch. Br. S's wife, we can call her Sister S, sat down with me. I spent the next hour and a half explaining Christianity to a muslim woman. She seemed so fascinated by it all. In fact, most of the adults were completely fascinated with me. They all want to be my friend and help in any way they can. They are there with full support. They are wonderful and I thank Allah for them for He put them in my life. They are also going to introduce me to a convert sister, we will call her Sister V. Alhumdillah!

I already believe that Allah put Sister A into my life for a reason and that she is a blessing from Allah. I feel already that I have my support I need from this woman and that she will be there with me to the end. She understands me already, and I understand her. You know how you feel an immediate connection to some people; that is what I feel with her. She also knows My Love's family which is great. We may have an advocate after all for our union, Insha'Allah that union ever occurs.

Random Things:

Not all cheese is Halal

One of the girls was particularly fascinated with me and kept saying how pretty I was...not sure why. She had to be 13 or 14.

They all loved my scarf and I now need to send instructions on how to wrap it to Sister A so she can show her daughter who is my age.

Muslim teen girls talk just as much about hair, dresses, and boys as non-muslims do. Only difference is once they leave the bathroom they stop discussing it.

Muslims are fascinated by Christianity. And they really don't get the trinity, at all.

I actually do not mind all the questions and welcome them. They understand and greatly respect my decision to learn first before making a choice.

Dec 6, Next Class: Bowling. Brothers vs Sisters. They already asked me if I was a good bowler. Sisters for the win!

O_O

I'm running around in circles right now because my anxiety level is so high I can't sit still. I've gotta go to the school in 3 hours! I don't know what classes I'm going to, I don't know where I'm suppose to go, and I don't know how to find the principal. Going in blind woooo!

I hate getting this nervous about stuff. It doesn't happen so much any more, use to happen all the time. Now it just seems to happen when I go into new situations where I don't know anyone and I most certainly will not be the norm. I don't like getting starred at but its going to be hard to avoid. At least so far all the muslims I've encountered have been very respectful and nice about it. But certain cultures like to ask a lot of questions. They aren't being rude, people are just more direct in Pakistan LOL. If someone asks me who I am marrying I dunno what I'll do....probably give them a death stare :). I don't like it when people assume I'm interested in Islam for marriage purposes, but that's for another post. I'm also afraid my neighbor will see me in full dress. I'm not embarrassed but they know my mom and well it has to be pretty odd for them even though I'm sure they've seen me in a scarf. And to get to the school I have to walk past a huge church, on a Sunday. I dunno why but I feel really weird about that. Like they are all going to look at me like I'm some traitor or like I'm parading my traitor-ness in front of them. I know thats ridiculous of course :).

I feel a little better now, writing it all down. Might need to do the Anxiety Prayer again. Wish me luck ladies, I'll write all about it when I get home.

Salaam

Question/Compulsion Part 2

My post below made me think of something else.

How many of you that believe only your religion goes to heaven have had anyone close to you who belonged to another religion die or have family members or close friends of another religion?

This is my main issue. I would love to have you all answer this question, I think it could be truly fascinating to see the results.

I take the stance that many groups could be eligible for Heaven because I have a lot of friends and family who are not the same religion. I have an issue with believing that a wonderful person dedicated to God and doing good could go to Hell simply for being the wrong religion. I am suppose to believe that Mother Teresa, or Ghandi, or Martin Luther King, or Buddha could have gone to Hell because they were the "wrong" religion despite all the good they did for the world. That is not just, that is rather ridiculous.

Here are examples to my thinking:

If I were muslim I would then have to believe my parents will go to Hell simply for being Christian. Despite the fact that they are both good people and that my mother is particularly dedicated to her religion.

I am suppose to believe that my friend who is firmly dedicated to the belief in one God and doing good for others will go to Hell because she does not associate herself with one organized religion but chooses to follow her own path.

I am to believe, if I stayed Christian, that My Love and his family, all great believers in God and charity, will go to Hell because they are not Christian.

I am to believe that my aunt who passed almost a year ago could have gone to Hell because she was Jewish. Despite her years of working with children, her involvement in charity, and her time she gave to volunteering at a hospital even into her late 80s. I am suppose to believe that this wonderful woman could have gone to Hell only because Judaism might have been the "wrong" religion.

Do you see what I am getting at? Do we see how this view lacks the mercy and justice God is suppose to possess? We are imperfect beings who like to see things in black and white but the world functions in shades of grey. We do not have the right to condemn another group of people. God is the only one who can judge us and we should leave it up to Him.

There Is Compulsion In Religion

The compulsion to be right that is. Why is it that humans have this insatiable need to be right? Why is it that so many believe their can only be one right answer and all others must be wrong?

I do not see what is so difficult about accepting the fact that their may be multiple answers to one question. Yet, in religion and in life, people seem to have this irresitable attraction to being right. Only the Christians can go to Heaven, Only the Jews, Only the muslims. Why not all believers?

I see no value in saying that only one group goes to Heaven. If God had wanted us to be all one religion He would have made it so. Obviously, that was not the case and there must be a reason for it. What the reason is, I do not know. I do know that God is suppose to be just and merciful. A just and merciful God would not go “Ok here are three religions all which praise and glorify me. One of them is the right one, figure it out or you can't go to Heaven.” That is completely unmerciful and unjust. That is ridiculous. I will never believe that my religion is the only group that can go to Heaven. In fact, I don't think you need to be part of an organized religion to go to Heaven. If a person is pious, strong in their faith in God, and is a good person I see no reason why they can't be eligible for Heaven even if they dont belong to a particular faith.Your admitance to Heaven is based on your relationship and service to God. Not what set of rules or book you follow.

I get how the Jews and the Christians obtain this veiw. The Jews are the “choosen people” and many take that literally. The Christians believe that Jesus was sacraficed so they may be saved therefore if you don't believe in Jesus as the savior you haven't been saved and you can't go to Heaven (this is WAY more complicated, I just don't feel like writing the whole thing out. If any of my Christian readers feel the need to elaborate, please go ahead). But I do not know where the muslims get the idea that they are the only ones that can be saved when the Qur'an clearly states countless times that this is not so.

My favorite ayah is this:

Sura Al Baqara 2:62

Those who believe (in the Qu'ran)

and those who follow the Jewish (scriptures)

and the Christians and the Sabians

Any who believe in God

and the Last Day

and work riteousness

Shall have their reward

With their Lord on them

There shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve

There is a portion of this ayah in almost every surah of the Qur'an. The idea of all believers being able to achieve oneness with God is reenforced so often that I do not understand how any muslim can believe they are the only ones that go to Heaven. The Qur'an even says that God will judge between the believers for their mistakes and decide which ones are forgiveable. The Qur'an says that yes the Christians and the Jews and even the Muslims made mistakes but if those mistakes were made in good intention they can be forgiven. When I read through the Qur'an again, I am going to record every ayah that mentions this topic so that it can be clearly seen how important this message was for us from God.

The Bible and the Torah do not condemn others who believe in one God either. So it begs the question; Where did this zelous attitude about being right come from? I do wonder if the leaders of the religions developed it to scare people from leaving their religion. People would be much more free to explore other faiths if they didn't need to fear about being “right”. My mother's major fear in my studies is that I may be wrong about my theory that all believers are eligible for Heaven. She worries about what if I do need Jesus as my savior and the Son of God to obtain paradise. That is her, and I'm sure many parents, objection to her daughter's exploration of Islam. Look how much less converts would have to deal with if this need to be right didn't exist. I'm sure we would be met with a lot less hostility from our families if all religions of one God were acceptable paths. And look how much more peace there would be in the world. The religions of the world would be much less likely to get people to ralley against an opposing religion if they did not have the “right religion” argument on their side. Our world would be a much better place.

I choose to believe that all believers, regardless of religion, can be eligible for Paradise. I choose to believe in the message of the Qur'an, not opposing hadiths or scholars on this topic. This is my choice and regardless of what religion I choose to be I will stay firm in this belief. Always have, always will.

Top 10 Transitional Items

I have decided to do a series of "Top 10 Transitional Items". These items will be basics that are extremely useful for transitioning to a modest wardrobe. This will not apply to only muslims but to any woman interested in starting a modest wardrobe. They will not be in any particular order because I think all 10 are equally valuable. They will also include sketches on how to use the item in question :)

So stay tuned. They will be filed under "Top 10 Transitional Items" and "hijab"

Tight Ts

I cannot understand this. Maybe someone can enlighten me. Why do the men not have to physically do anything to achieve hijab? Yes, they are required to lower their gaze and treat women with respect. They are also required to cover themselves from waist to knee. But that is it. While we have to wear flowy long clothing with a scarf and lower our gaze and talk softly and not wear too much makeup and long sleeves in summer and...well you get the idea.

So why is it that muslim men are allowed to run around in tight t-shirts and jeans? God forbid a muslim woman accidentally wears a long sleeve T that is a little tight or a scarf that is a bit too short. I know that we have more to cover and that is part of it. It just seems to me that the men can wear whatever they want. They even run around shirtless on the beach! Now, if hijab is partially suppose to be about making it a little easier on the opposite sex, why are men allowed to parade themselves in front of women? Women are very attracted to the upper body of a man and a tight t-shirt only accentuates this. But we apparently have more natural self control so we just are suppose to not look? Is that it? Because I can tell you if an attractive man walks past me shirtless or in a tight T I am gonna look. You can't help it! Its the same as if a woman walks by in a mini skirt, its like instinct. Its like the volleyball scene in Top Gun. You can't look away, too many attractive shirtless sweaty men playing volleyball. I'm sure that's why it has its own chapter on the DVD called "volleyball scene".

*spaces to epic volleyball scene* If only Christian Bale and Ryan Renolds had been involved.

Anyway back to the point :)

I love hijab, I do. I just don't think it is fair. I don't like tight clothing, I find it uncomfortable. I love my long skirts and tunic shirts. But I do not like women checking out My Love because his shirt is tight. Maybe that is me being insecure, I don't know. All I know is I don't like it.

So why why why are they allowed to do this? While we have to swelter in the heat and never go in a swimming pool.

The Minority of The Minority

I just had to get this out.

Every so often when I read a post by Ellen at Steadily Emerging With Grace I think about this. Kimdonesia made me think about it as well. Being a muslim in America is being part of a minority. Being Shi'a is being part of a minority within Islam. So essentially by choosing the Shi'a school I become a minority of the minority. Now, coming from my current place of not being a minority what so ever it would probably be quite overwhelming to not only be part of a misunderstood religion in your country but then to be a part of the misunderstood school within your religion. Being from a Catholic household, I experienced a bit of prejudice from other Christian faiths, more specifically a Lutheran student at my high school who often liked to remind me that the Catholics got it all wrong and that is why Luther had to leave and create the Lutheran church. She also informed me that Catholics somehow worship God the wrong way and we do our sign of the cross backwards. I have heard other churches bash them for their beliefs, their practices, and their Pope. What still stuns me is people were afraid to elect Kennedy president because he was Catholic. Catholics are Christians too, but many don't see that. And the worst part is, Catholicism is part of the accepted religion of this country. So what happens to you if you are part of a religion that is not accepted and you are the minority?

I wonder if by choosing the Shi'a school I am making things harder for myself. Although I can't see myself going any other way. I choose the Shi'a school for my own personal reasons, regardless of what school my teacher belongs too. The Sunni school just does not agree with me as well, that is all. I will read an abridged version of Sahih Muslim and pay attention to Sunni teachings but in the end I know into which school I fit.

The hatred scares me. There is so much hatred for muslims, then add all the hatred for the Shi'a and a person is liable to crack. Such dark hatred, the kind that burns deep inside a person like it comes from something inhuman. Its like for a moment your conscious is suspended and you no longer can feel remorse. This kind of hatred is so dangerous. I already have nightmares that I will be walking down the street in hijab and get attacked by a hater. But as a Shi'a, I would also have to be afraid of my brothers and sisters in Islam. Other muslims do not have an excuse to be so ignorant as the general person. Why hate on your ummah? What does this accomplish? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I'm already tired of all the hate, all the nit picking. "You do this wrong, you do that wrong". Do you know what this does sisters? This DRIVES PEOPLE AWAY FROM ISLAM. Stop it. You make it scary to us on the outside, you make it seem like we can never do right. You overwhelm us with your constant picking, its too much. Stop bashing, stop criticizing. For all that is good and holy try helping instead of criticizing, try listening instead of bashing. You will get farther, and we will all feel more at peace.

Peace starts with the individual. Choose peace.

I don't Know what Man Would Wear This...

But I sure would! :) I want the girl version, where is the girl version!? If this came small enough I would so get it.

But I still don't know any man who would wear this :)

BTW has anyone ordered from here? http://www.essenceofblack.com/abaya.htm

I'm Going On Sunday!!!

I'm so excited I had to share.

I'M GOING TO THE SCHOOL ON SUNDAY!

Soooooo excited. Have no idea what I will be doing but I am so excited. I'll update this post when I find out lol.

Best part: they are going to find someone to coach me on how to pray. My own person prayer coach. *Squeal*! And the principal suggested that I try to attend weekly Congressional prayer (I believe he means Jummah on Friday) to keep my skills up.

And they also have a bowling trip in a couple of weeks. I can see it now a huge group of hijabis bowling teehee!

I'm so giddy with joy.

Mash'Allah!

Yes My Hair Is Long

I was in a hurry this morning so instead of putting my hair up in a bun or clip I quickly pulled it back and ran out of the house. I get to work and one of the girls comes up to me:

" Your hair looks different."

I thought for a moment then replied "Its not in a bun."

"OH that's it! Huh its curly."

I thought, 'This is a bit strange'. Yet things like this kept happening.

"Wow your hair is long! I like it."

"You have curls, is that natural?"

"Why don't you wear your hair down?"

etc, etc. I made up some excuse like "Oh its a lot of work to wear it down." to avoid my true reason. I haven't worn my hair down in public in over a year. It started as an experiment to see what hijab would be like and I got use to it. Now it feels bizarre if I try to step out with it down. I feel naked and need to put it up in a clip or at least back into a ponytail. It occured to me today that my current office has never seen me with my hair down, which would explain them having a reaction to me with a ponytail. You don't realize how much people notice your hair until you do something different. Is hair really that important? Or is just such a defining feature that we notice when it changes on a person? I'm not sure but it was an odd reaction.

All I know is, I am making sure I put it in a bun from now on. I want to avoid the "why do you never wear your hair down" question. Its awkward for me. I'm not ready to let office acquaintances know of my religious exploration.

School's in Session

I HEARD BACK FROM THE SCHOOL!

I'm so excited! It sounds perfect! The first half of the day is Qur'an interpretation and study. Then prayer. And lastly the topic of the day which could include: etiquette, rules, hadiths, or belief. And to top it off, they have quite a few converts attending the school. I'd love to sit down with a convert and discuss how they coped with their family and what it is like to live as a convert.

I am bouncing with joy! This is so perfect! Its exactly what I needed, I could not have designed it better.

...and I just realized I did Ishtikara in the wee hours this morning O_O That prayer is intense. Big thank you prayer tonight. May this be a blessing from God.

Once I start class I will post what went on. Should be interesting.

Alhumdulilah!

Sura Maryam and Sura Al Anbiyaa

Sura Maryam

I find it fascinating that the Qur'an has an entire Sura dedicated to Mary.  She is mentioned possibly more often in the Qur'an than the Bible.  I cannot be certain.  She holds incredible importance to the muslims, seen as the greatest example of womanhood.  The Qur'an talks of her piety and faith, she being one of the greatest believers.  This pleases me for I always felt a connection to Mary.  The only part of a church I have ever felt comfortable in is a chapel dedicated to Mary.  So her importance both to womanhood and to the religion gives me great comfort.

Sura Al Anbiyaa

This is the Sura of the prophets.  I enjoyed the story of Abraham.  I sometimes forget that his story is of such great importance.  Destroying the idols so they may learn their lesson.

The Qur'an mentions in probably every couple Suras that God has not begotten a son.  It comes out of no where.  Not sure why it is repeated so often.  The concept of all 3 religions being people of the book and being able to find their way to heaven is mentioned frequently.  Often, it follows ayahs mentioning that God did not begot a son.  Not sure why.

In this Sura there is a lot of “We” and “Us”.  Who is the “We” if God is speaking and God is one being with no partners?  Towards the end I think the Qur'an is quoting a group of angels.

example:

21: 73

And We made them

leaders, guiding by

Our command, and We

sent them inspiration

to do good deeds,

to establish regular prayers,

and to practice regular charity,

and they constantly served

Us and Us only

The ayah with “Gog and Magog” is 21: 96

It ends again with those who believe in the one true God will find their way to paradise.

The Qur'an is getting repetitive and choppier.  Its not flowing in a comprehensive way again, but seems fragmented.  

Hijab Take 3

I do not know why but when I am feeling down or unsure about my studies wearing hijab picks me up. I wore it last night when I went out to dinner then wandered around in the foggy evening. I wore a cherry red scarf that has a slight shimmer, I love it! Added my long denim skirt, white long sleeved t-shirt and a sleeveless cardigan. Good to go.

I used this style from Amenakin's youtube channel

Super cute, super easy. I had to use a cloth headband as an underscarf to keep it from slipping back. The style is back heavy. I suppose pinning the scarf to my hair would have helped. You are suppose to be able to do this style without an underscarf but I just couldn't get it to stay. About half way through the night the underscarf began to hurt my ears because it was pushing them back from being too tight, I forgot to stretch it. Oooops. I love the way the scarf twists in the front. It is stunning if your scarf has a slight shimmer. Definitely a good style for the school.

Not much happened this time. Just noticed a couple things:

Women do not like to make eye contact with you in hijab. I think they are afraid you will think they are staring.

I wanna wear it again. I get this urning. I wish I knew how to explain it. Like a craving. Or like when you miss someone and want to see them. This little tugging at my heart that says "wear it again!". I dunno what it means, but it doesn't stop till I wear it.

Run

Do you ever feel that instinct that tells you to run, fast?  Kind of like the "fight or flight" instinct.  I'm getting that impulse to flight.  I want to run very far away from all of it.  My chest gets tight, I get panicky, and I want to cry just a little.  The frustration and the confusion are overwelming.  And I just want to run, like a deer spotted by a wolf.  

When I first started studying strictly Islam over a year and half ago, I was thrilled and amazed by the religion.  It agreed so much with my personal beliefs.  I loved the concept of one God and that all prayer was focused on Him alone.  I love the way muslims pray, like a combination of yoga, meditation, and worship.  Hijab fascinated me and I wanted to be a part of it. I got to keep Jesus, just the way I believed in him.  I greatly enjoy the Qur'an and have found it to be incredibly easy to understand.  I have had very little issues with it.  The mosque felt right to me, churches never have.  I felt like I may have found a place comfortable to pray in, outside of my own home.   In this process I have become closer to God than I ever thought was possible for me again.  I haven't been this close to God since I was a child and underwent major surgery.  That surgery is how I found God to begin with.

Yet now as I am studying more of what I call the "rules and regulations" and the common beliefs I have become very frustrated.  The common beliefs of many muslims do not agree with the Qur'an, they are cultural.  All these hadiths, these "rules and regulations", are beyond confusing and often frightening.  I was never frightened by the Bible, but these hadiths scare me because if they are hadiths that means there are people out there who believe they are fact just the way they are written.  That may not be the right way to interpret them, but people tend to take everything literally.  The Islam that I am studying now and the Islam I learned about from My Love and the Qur'an are quite different things.  The Islam I learned from the Qur'an does not agree with women being inferior, killing non-muslims, or that only muslims (those that follow the religion of Islam) can go to heaven.  But what I hear from people is that you should kill non-muslims, that only muslims go to heaven, that women are inferior.  I don't know what to believe anymore.  I'm becoming disenchanted with religion all together, much like I did after years of studying Christianity; that terrifies me too.  That is not a good state of mind to return to.

The religion I started studying over a year and half ago was so beautiful and comforting.  Now its become scary.

I want to give up and run away.  I want to go back to believing that organized religion does not work and I will never find a community to which I belong.  I want to go back to combining the belief in one God and Buddhism, which is what I was working on before discovering Islam.  Life without the Islam I began with seems much sadder than a life with it.  I still want the prayers, hijab, the mosque, the Qur'an.  Just not all these terrifying hadiths.  Not the terriorism type of jihad.  Not the belief that only muslims go to heaven.  I don't want those concepts in my life. The muslims I know do not have these concepts in their lives, they are against them.  They say they are not part of Islam.

I don't know what to believe.  I'm afraid I will become so disenchanted again I will loose God.  I am lost and confused.  Firmly stuck in religion limbo.  I so desperately want out of that place.

Sunnipath: More Women In Hell

Sunnipath Answer: More Women In Hell: hadiths and women in Islam

I really enjoyed his answer.  Very open look at things.  Check it out.

I'm really hoping the school has a class on Hadiths....would be ever so helpful.

Hounds and Hadiths

Ok I'm just going to say it because I know that at one point in time all of us studying Islam have thought this:

Hadiths suck.

Yeah I said it!  Hadiths have caused me an unbelievable amount of stress.  It seems that  no religion can go without some corruption.  People changed the Bible to fit their needs and  misused it to fulfill the vendettas of certain people.  It was wrong to do so, but they did it anyway.  Hadiths, to me, seem to be the corrupt portion of Islam.  Since the Qur'an seems to have gotten through unscathed, people had to taint something.  They always go for a source of power; what better source than the words of the prophet.  When I first started studying  I use to come to My Love fuming over hadiths that condemned women or told muslims to kill non-muslims.  I was irate.  “You cannot possibly believe this!”  I would say to him to which he would reply “I don't.  If it disagrees with the Qur'an then don't worry about it.”

Now that philosophy has been helpful, but its not that simple.  You can't simply ignore every hadith you disagree with because some of them are ingrained into the practice of Islam.  There are a slue of hadiths that are so imbedded the prophet himself would not be able to change them.  A lot of them blatantly go against the Qur'an, but people continue to follow them and the scholars sure haven't tried to change anything.

It just goes to show you can't believe everything you read.  The issue is where do you draw the line?  At what point can you say “Ok, I do not agree with this but I am willing to accept it.”

My best example is the dog issue.  I bawled like a hysterical child when I learned I would not be able to have a dog as a muslim.  I love dogs.  I want a dog more than I want a child.  They are wonderful animals, so loving and generous.  Even now I am thinking of my dog who I loved with tears coming to my eyes.  She was my family.  I miss her so much.

The hadiths against dogs are rather ridiculous.  I recall the one that mentions if you hear a dog barking a jinn is near so beware.  Ok, beware because the DOG IS WARNING YOU!  It doesn't say the dog brought the jinn!  I just don't know how the dog became the evil bringer of Satan.  I hate these hadiths, they seem so against the character of the prophet and of God.  

http://muttaqun.com/dogs.html

Here is a website that shows how these hadiths go against the Qur'an

http://www.submission.org/pets/dogs.html

 

When I learned this I almost quit right then and there.  I wanted nothing to do with a religion that fully believed these things about the amazing animal that is the dog.  But as I learned I realized that these hadiths are heavily saturated in cultural practices and may in fact not be related to the messenger at all.  Here in the west I get “Yeah I like dogs but we can't have one in the house.  They are dirty and make our homes unclean for prayer.  But I totally like them.”  Most in the west seem to not have the hatred for dogs but would not own one out of fear of them being dirty.  I have a feeling they have no clue why they can't have a dog.  My Love sure didn't know until I told him.

I know that if I ever become a muslim I will not be able to have a dog.  If I ever marry, there is no way his family will ever approve.  Most likely they are terrified of dogs.  Even if I never married I still couldn't have one because the community would shun me for owning one.  They certainty would not want to enter a home that angels could not enter.  Heaven forbid.  

And this is when you get to the part of “disagree but accept.”  In the end what is more important?  I have not gotten to the point of acceptance yet.  I do feel that finding a religion that brings me closer to God is more important than me owning a dog.  But I will NEVER agree with the horrible treatment of dogs that some muslims condone.  Nor will I ever agree with those hadiths.  I may never learn to accept it.

“If it disagrees the Qur'an, it disagrees with Islam”

Peace Out.

Sura Yunus Sura Hud Sura Yusuf

Sura Yunus or Jonah speaks of the mercy of God. It also lightly touches on the story of Jonah and the story of Moses. I really enjoyed learning about the strength of faith and the mercy of God. It vaguely mentions God's love for his believers. Only part that always confuses me is how the Qur'an likes to randomly mention Jesus is not the son of God. It tends to be out of context and sometimes seems like God will smite the Christians for the their mistake then turns around and says they will be forgiven for this mistake.

I am not always sure about the Qur'an's position on Christians and Jews. One ayah will say how they are a part of the book and are believers and should be respected. But then it will turn around and do a one eighty chastising the Jews for leaving behind their beliefs and reforming. And repremand the Christians for believing Christ is God. I'm not sure what point is trying to be made. Although I am fascinated by its mention of the Jews leaving behind their law as I am pretty sure the Jews had not yet reformed by the time the Qur'an was revealed. Its like something that was put in for the future O_O.

Sura Hud

This actually tells the story of Noah and then the story of Hud. The Sura is about God's wrath on the unbelievers. I have come to understand that the God of the Qur'an is vengeful like that of the God of the Torah but with some mercy thrown in. I am pretty sure the Bible does not have Hud (if I am wrong can you tell me where he is located in the Bible?). The poor man keeps trying to tell his people that something horrible will happen if they denounce God. Of course they don't listen and God punishes them. It also tells the story of Salih. Again, they don't believe him and horrible things happen. Lot, Abraham, and Shu'aib(Jethro) are also mentioned for the same reason. Moral of the story: Choose false Gods and ignore prophets God will send a mighty wrath upon you.

It is also interesting to see how God spread out all these prophets with the exact same message to try and teach the people. Sadly, most of the prophets were unsuccessful.

I think an underlying message is that you should not just believe what your fathers believe simply because that is what you were brought up doing. One should not follow blindly but should understand. Everytime the prophets ask the people the people reply "But we should give up what our father's taught us?" This would suggest that this is the reasoning for their beliefs. Not good reasoning in my book. One should not believe simply because that is what one is brought up with. One should believe because that is what one truly believes. And one should not ignore signs from God.

115. And be steadfast in patience:
for verily God will not suffer
the reward of the righteous
to perish

Sura Yusuf

"And pink, and yellow, and green, and purple ,and orange"

Ok no more Technicolor Dreamcoat.

Anyway, Sura Yusuf is the full story of Joseph. This is the first time in the Qur'an I have seen a story from start to finish all in one sura. The story is almost exactly the same as the Bible but less like a folk tale. It is more realistic and to the point. It is written like a historical recount of events, not really a tale. Its also rather short and not as poetic as most of the Suras.

What Do You Mean They Don't Understand Hijab?

Insha'Allah I'm going to start going to the school soon and yesterday I was discussing it with My Love. I was saying how I will be a bit odd to them, a non-muslim at their school. On top of that, a non-muslim who knows how to dress in traditional hijab (scarf + jilbab). And he smiled and said:

"You will make those who understand it very happy."

I looked at him confused. "Those who understand what?"

"Hijab."

I stared at him. "How can they not understand hijab? They are born muslims going to the Islamic school. Don't they have to wear scarves and abayas to the school?"

"Well yes but just because they wear it to the school doesn't mean they understand it. A lot of the young women won't really get why they are wearing it. You have to get to a point where you understand it before it starts to mean anything."

"But shouldn't their mothers have taught them about hijab?"

"Maybe they don't understand it either."

I just sat there in shock. I do not know how you can not understand hijab. I get how you might not see why some feel that you need to wear an abaya or a scarf. That I get. But to not understand the concept seems odd. Its quite simple. You need to dress and behave so you are treated the way you want to be treated. By dressing modestly you say to the world " I respect myself, and I want you to respect me". As I've said, you can't get the respect you deserve in a tube top and mini skirt. So if they don't understand it, why wear it? I suppose its the blind following issue all over again. I do not understand why people are so willing to blindly follow everything they are taught. If you don't know why you are doing something it is your job to find out.

I'm pretty sure if these women went out in hijab they would realize right away what it is for. Hijab was what initially attracted me to Islam. I've been dressing hijab appropriate (without a scarf) for way over a year and I noticed a significant difference in how I am treated. No cat calls, so stares, no random men coming up to me asking me out (I hate getting hit on. I know weird right?). You are also more comfortable not worrying about hem lines or your shirt moving and exposing your bra. No worries, no tape, free to do as you please. And you can still look very beautiful and classy. I'd rather be elegant and classy than sexy any day.

Those who were born muslim - did your moms teach you about hijab or did you have to learn its purpose all on your own?

NOTE: I am not talking about wearing the scarf. I'm referring to the concept of hijab and modest dress. In this case hijab does not equal head scarf.

How Lady Liberty Plays The Game

First it was the Indians shunned for being savage and brutes.

Then it was the so called witches, burned at the stake, tried by the true.

Next came the Africans, born to be slaves. Used every day as objects, treated as if they have no brains. Now feared, sometimes unwanted, often to this day pushed down and misguided. Skin has a “right” color, She says.

The Jews were banished from many places. Didn't dare show their Jewish faces. Considered inferior, often misunderstood. Had no place to go, till they found their niche in the money pit and now they have their hold. Yet they would still be misunderstood if it weren't for all the gold.

World War I brought the Nazi regime. Don't be German, they will pick you clean. Be European, not German descent. Denounce your heritage, make a pact. One will never be of German descent.

Japan, Japan made a grave mistake. Dropped a bomb on Her that she couldn't take. Out of rage She found them all, sent them to camps to make an example of the them all. All the Japanese had to pay. No one is safe when She places blame.

Cold War came to a frightening peak. All who did wrong were Communist, let them not speak. Speak against her they will hunt you down. Just like the witches, they hunt through their days, found as a Communist you will pay.

Cold War ends what is She to do? Who should She find guilty in Her truth? Here are some people, oddly dressed. Pray five times a day, fast, and are chaste. Dare a group did to attack a city, a great city of Her bosom. She smiles for now She has a place for Her hate to lay. Blame it on the Muslims, they deserve to be pried at, misunderstood, pushed from their beliefs to ones better understood. It could not be the fault of a small group that there was a plane, no. It must be the fault of that entire religion, rules and regulations make any other possibility forbidden. They all wanted 9/11 to happen, and all shall pay the price.

You see this is Her vice. She must have someone to blame, someone to hate. And until another group comes to pay the price, the Muslims will have to deal with Her vice.

Making a Post Only for Watchers or Second Blog?

Does anyone know how to create a post only your watchers can see?

I know I am getting to a point where things are going to start happening.  I would like to blog about some of these more personal things but I don't want them available to the open masses.  I would like to conceal them in the event that a family member might stumble upon my blog.  It also keeps all the anons away.

Or would it be better to open a second blog like a couple of people have done and only post those things on a closed network?

What do you think?

Revelation Note: You Cannot Agree With Everything

You do not have to agree with everything.  Every rule, hadith, suggestion, teaching, or scholar. Agreeing with everything is impossible.

If it disagrees with the Qur'an, then it may prove to be false.  The Qur'an comes first.

Yet you may have to become OK with some things you do not agree with.  If these "things" are major parts of the religion, then you might have a problem.  If not, then there is room to work.

No religion is perfect and in the end you have to find your own way.

Kosher: Can it be halal?

I thought I would open this up to its own discussion.  I have learned from my post on "How Do You Eat Halal When You Are Ill?" that kosher can sometimes pass for halal food.  I would LOVE to learn more about this.  I live in a heavily populated Jewish area with lots of jewish resturants and foods.  Kosher is way more accessible.  

It would make sense to me that muslims would also be allowed to eat kosher meats.  They follow the same, if not stricter, dietary regulations and the rules come from a holy book.  The purpose is rather similar but I don't think kosher focuses as much on the kind treatment towards the animals as zabiha.  Either way, both are high quality and good for you.

Anyone have info on this?  So many things would be easier if kosher also counted.

Also, say you live in a place that does not have halal meat.  Are you then expected to be vegetarian?  Because the only way to get meat is mail order and that is EXPENSIVE.

Added Note 11/3: 

I have come to gather that for the most part kosher meat is permissible but zabiha should be preferred.  I went to sunnipath.com and it took a long time to find a real answer.  Most said it was not permissible because it is jewish (Palestine conflict).  Other websites had similar info, couldn't put aside petty differences to give a real answer.  Seems though that its a good way to go providing it does not have alcohol in it (but I have a bone to pick with that too because once alcohol is cooked it is no longer bad for you and you can no longer get drunk).  

How Do You Eat Halal When You Are Ill?

I started thinking about this today as I drank my Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup.  All I have been able to eat the past six days is chicken soup and chicken breast.  Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but in the states they do not sell canned halal chicken soup.  I was always told that when you are ill you should eat whatever you crave.  I also crave a hamburger but there are no halal hamburger places that deliver either.  Obviously I am breaking my "halal meat only" rule while I'm sick because frankly its necessary.  But it still makes me wonder what I would do if I was muslim.  Would I need to switch to veggie soup?  Would I have to try and cook while feeling like death simply because there is no place for me to order something halal?  No one likes to cook while sick but there is no one else to cook for me.  I am all by myself :(.

What do you do for food while you are ill?