END OF AUGUST!

As you know, I'm moving out of my apartment end of August. Now, my original lease date is Oct 1 but due to when my friends need to get an apartment I need to leave a month early. I called the building, who transfered me to a broker (Brokers are like realistate agents for apartments but shadier). The broker and I agreed that if we could find someone to rent the place by September 1st I could get my security deposit back. Seemed fair. He then asked me if he could start showing the place this weekend.

Of course I said NO. My place is a disaster. Its a horrible mess. Plus I haven't solved the mold problem in the bathroom (never take an apt that doesn't have ventilation in the bathroom) and my kitchen frightens even me. I stumbled with shock saying there was no way my apartment was in any condition to show. That I needed at least 2 weeks to get it going, even though he wants to show it next weekend. He said fine and to call him when its ready. Seemed fair so I thanked him and hung up.

5pm today I get a call. Its the broker. He wants to show someone the apartment.

>_<

'WTF? Did I call you!?' I wanted to shout. I was so shocked, he didn't even give me a chance to say no. He showed up 1 minute later with a young man. My place: tornado might as well hit it it looks so bad. Everything is out of the closets because I'm reorganizing. The young man looks pleased though. Then the broker turns to me and asks:

"When are you moving?"

O_O

"September 1st. Not till September 1st."

The young man looks at me wide-eyed, then at the broker. "Dude that doesn't work. I need an apartment August 1st, not September. I don't think I can wait that long."

Broker, "I'm just showing you this place because its similar to the apartment that is open August 1st that is just below this one. That's all."

Found out later from my super's wife, who finds the broker to be an appalling man, that the apartment below me is nothing remotely like mine. At all. Its a one bedroom and isn't even set up like mine. Nor does it have the awesome view of the skyline.

This broker, who funny enough was the one who got me the apartment in the first place, was trying to trick this man. This broker probably would have made me leave early if it had benefited him.

And I am putting my security deposit in the hands of this guy?

....Wish me luck.

PARTY DRESS!

I JUST WON THIS ON EBAY!

I'm very excited :) ebay is evil btw. It will suck in your soul because you will want to win stuff. Then it makes you spend way more than you wanted to because you want to win. Luckily, this was very inexpensive.

Ladies, learn your clothing measurements. You can get really nice clothes for really cheap. This is a shift dress from the 1960s. This was $25 including the shipping. $25!!!! The vintage store up the block from my office would have easily charged $125 for the same dress. It pays to play ebay.

I love ebay. But its still evil.

Hijab is Not Relative

I have thought about this a lot and have come to the conclusion that although I wanted terribly for it to be so, hijab is not relative to culture. Modesty is but hijab is not. Hijab is not another word for modesty. It is a strict dress code for Muslim men and women. It is not about modesty but rather about privacy. The word hijab (as referenced HERE) actually translates to curtain or more specifically a curtain used for privacy. Hijab, if you really look at it, is way more about privacy then modesty. Its about keeping men at an arms distance and protecting women from the sight of others. If we are covered head to toe, no one can see us and our privacy cannot be invaded. The hijab "dress code" amplifies this with the requirements of covering everything with loose fabric other than the face and hands. No one can see anything, the woman's body is only known to herself. Her privacy is secured.

Hijab also deals with giving women their rights as far as treatment but I have not see that work as well as it should. Yes, it keeps men from making advances in a country like America but go to some "Muslim" countries and they will be all over the hijabis or harassing them. I love the intention of hijab but hijab on its own will not gain you respect. The culture has to respect hijab for a hijabi to be respected. Sadly, a lot of Islamic cultures do not respect hijab or hijab is so common they look right past what it means. And the men take hijab as a license to behave badly, like they have no self control. But what hijab does achieve in the west is a sense of modesty which does gain a woman a certain amount of respect she would not have in a mini skirt and tube top. So at least that is progress.

Factor in the social edicate portion and you have a full behavioral code. Hijab tells us to lower our gaze and cover our selves. Many a hadith will be interpreted to mean that we must also avoid speaking to men, befriending men, and working/interacting with them. Now yes this has some good points but in a non Muslim society that can be quite difficult. I personally find it unnecessary and could not get use to the way I had to interact with my male friends in the presence of other Muslims. I especially could not get over the fact that my one friend had to wait at the end of the block after circle so he could ride the train home with me late at night. This was for my safety but the sheikh would have disapproved so he hid the kind intention. How does that make sense? I think, in the case of male/female interaction, there are good intentions that are often taken quite too far.

As much as many of us would like, we can't really bend the rules and call it hijab. They are all encompassing and involve every aspect of our lives as women. One can't really say that a knee length skirt with a half sleeve top and no scarf is hijab. Is it modest by American standards? Yes. But hijab? No. This was my biggest struggle. I wanted hijab and modesty to mean the same thing but they just don't. Hijab is a dress code and a way of being. It affects the way you speak, interact, and move. Its all encompassing. Modesty is not all encompassing, modesty does not have a strict set of rules. Modesty is relative to what your culture dictates is modest. If you accept an orthodox approach to Islam then you have to accept the orthodox definition of hijab. I could not accept it and it tourchered me. Especially the scarf. I see no reason why I should ever have to wear a scarf. I do not see men falling over themselves at the sight of my hair. Sometimes I think if God wanted us covered head to toe we would have been born with fur. This does not mean, however, that I find no value in modesty. I find a tremendous value in modesty and choose to dress modest myself. But I do not see why one must wear a scarf. I do not see how not wearing a scarf gets me sent to Hell as many speakers would have you believe. That means that the majority of the female population is heading straight to Hell because they do not wear a scarf. This concept just baffles me.

I applaud women who choose to follow hijab, but I also think it should be ok to be Muslim and not wear the stated requirements. However, I do think that if you choose not to wear or follow hijab, you will have a very difficult time being an orthodox Muslim. Which is how hijab became one of the main reasons I had to break off my relationship. Without hijab, the scarf in particular, I could never have been "Muslim" enough. I would like people to stop and think before they attack each other over something so simple as a scarf or a specific dress code. Because people attack by what they see on the outside, not the inner hijab. A dress code does not make you a good Muslim; your belief in Allah and the teachings of Muhammad are what make you a good Muslim. Scarf or no scarf.

Back from the Party and a T length Dress

I'm back from the party! It was fun, nice to see my extended family. I very rarely ever see them. Especially great to see my cousin who would probably be one of my best friends if I lived closer. But fortunately she and I will live quite close to each other real soon YAY!

I wore what I call a "Mad Men" dress to the reception. It is a t length (calf length) full skirt dress with short sleeves and a boat neck. I got it on ebay for a great price and its from the early 1960s. I love it. And I realized something that night.

It was so nice not to be concerned that my lower leg was showing. On top of that I realized I really didn't care if my lower leg was showing. I didn't feel like I was being immodest or inappropriate. I just felt pretty and comfortable. I'm not saying I'm going to start running around in mini skirts, but I think my opinion on what I need to wear is changing. Its becoming more of a high bred of hijab and American modesty which suits me just fine. I also cut quite a bit of hair off and now have chin length hair which means I wear my hair down all the time. This too does not make me feel immodest at all. I'm actually starting to wonder why there was a point in my life I made such a big deal over my hair being down in the first place. But I guess its just like another blogger friend said: You get the compulsion to cover, and then you get the compulsion to do something else. Doesn't make one better than the other but sometimes God tells us to do something for a period of time and once we gain the knowledge He saute for us we can somewhat return to what we were. I learned a lot from completely covering but I think God is telling me its time to find my happy medium :).

For The Moments I Feel Faint

Lovely song by Relient K. Check it out. My friend is using this for her wedding.

Prayer Books

I am looking for prayer books and I am wondering if you all have any suggestions. I currently have:

Psalms (David)

Sirach

Psalms of Islam

They can be of any religion as long as its about God, to God, thanking God, happiness, joy, good fortune etc. I'd love a Buddhist one :). Think happy thoughts.

If you have suggestions, leave them in the comment section. English books only please.

Excerpt from Pretties by Scott Westerfeld

pg 308-309

Maybe the barriers around Tally's pretty world weren't as obvious as the little men hanging in the trees, but they were just as hard to escape. She remembered how Peris had chickened out as he'd looked down on the wild from the balloon, suddenly unwilling to jump and leave behind everything he'd known. Everyone in the world was programmed by the place they were born, hemmed in by their beliefs, but you had to at least try to grown your own brain. Otherwise, you might as well be living on a reservation, worshipping a bunch of bogus gods.