BTW Today is Palm Sunday

Palm Sunday Wikipedia

Um...Christopher St is back that way

I was on the train last night coming back from Circle. At circle, we talked about najis things and how to clean them. This time it actually made sense :). And then we talked about intentions and how important they are. How we do need to scold ourselves when we don't fulfill our promises but we also have to be careful not to scold ourselves so much that we fall into a depression and stop completely (ME! that was ME!)

The train. I'm on the train coming back in my long abaya style coat and black hijab. The kind of hijab that very much screams Islam, like the kind that they wear in Persepolis. I'm on the train and I hear a bunch of ladies, most likely in their 50s, talking about where they are trying to go. They are talking and talking and I hear them mention "Christopher St". By now, we are already in the middle of the city, Christopher St is way down town. So I did something I'm usually too nervous to do: I interrupted them to see if I can help.

I called over to them really nicely and they were surprised but so relieved to find out someone knew how to get them to their hotel! I told them where to get off and what train to take back (They got the orange train confused with the red one. They needed the red one). And the tallest lady turned to me and said "Without you we would have never figured it out. Thank you". And I smiled, happy to help.

And then I realized something. Not only did I just do a good deed which is good in itself but I just did a good deed for Islam. These ladies just saw a little muslim woman be kind, helpful, and friendly. I little muslim woman who just joked with them about getting lost and offered to help them find their way. I just did a good thing for the image of Islam.

And maybe that is why one should wear the scarf in the US. To try and improve the image of Islam. No it shouldn't just be on the back of women, I agree. But, it is a nice thought that I may have just improved six people's image of Islam. Just by being myself.

Why Some Men Want The Scarf

I have not, until now, been able to understand why a husband would want his wife to wear a scarf in America. Let's face it. America does not like the scarf. It makes it hard to get a job, people stare at you constantly, and often you feel as though you might be in danger. At least, this is how I feel. And I couldn't understand why My Love was perfectly ok with me feeling this way. Why was the scarf so important to him that he could dismiss how I feel? How I feel scared and in danger?

I could only think of three reasonings:

1) Because Shariah says so
2)Because he wants to make sure his wife is for his eyes only (possession)
3)Because his family will think less of me/community will think less of me if I don't

So I asked him. Up until now I only got "Because you are suppose to". Which, in my opinion, is not a good enough reason to do anything. So asked him to really, fully tell me why he wants me to wear a scarf so badly. Why is it so important that it can make or break a marriage.

So he told me. And it was fascinating. So fascinating I wanted to share it will all of you because now I understand the scarf so much better than I did before.

1) To protect the wife from the eyes of men. Men will look and he does not want his wife disrespected in such a way. The scarf hides a lot of the natural beauty of a woman removing a lot of unwanted sexual attention. It can protect the wife from unwanted advances.

2) It covers the hair which is one of the most sexual parts of a woman's body. It excentuates all her features and makes her more alluring. By wearing the scarf it tones down the woman's natural beauty and prevents unwanted advances. (I think a bun achieves a similar effect)

3) He wants his wife to get the respect she deserves. Now I don't think the scarf commands respect in this country but I understand where he is coming from. At least I would be well respected in the muslim community. And most men would leave me alone or at least speak respectfully to me.

4) He feels it is a major part of the religion. Now this I am not so sure of (No you do not need to quote hadiths at me) but I can see where he is coming from. From his perspective, the most important part of hijab is the scarf. I think the most important part is how you conduct yourself. But we all have differences of opinion.

I'm sure it also has to do with how his parents and community would see me. But it seems to be a small part since he is willing to allow me to go to work and see my family without it. But its made me realize again why its important and why I need to give it a second chance.

I Watch the News=I Know More than You Do

I watch the news. The news says that all muslims are terrorists. That they want to kill all the Christians and the Jews. That they believe women should be owned by men. That all women wear big black dresses and scarves. It is a hate filled religion.

What is that you say daughter who has studied Islam for 2 years and has many muslim friends? They are not terrorists? That most want peace and do not hate others? That it is only a small group who most muslims do not even consider muslim? That, in reality, the muslims just want to be left alone?

I am sorry daughter but I watch the news and read the Internet. I know more than you who has studied and read the Qur'an. Who takes classes and hangs out with muslims. I know Muhammad was an evil man, that women are abused, and that Islam is all about hate. You should believe me that Islam is evil. I am right because I am your mother, no matter what you say you will be wrong.

Yes this is a dramatization.

Seriously can we get a device that can block these things from our parents? It would be really helpful......

Shorts and Arranged Marriage

so its summer today and of course the drastic weather change made me ill. Which is not good since Sis came over to check out some clothes. We are the same size so I told her I would share with her my fashion wisdom lol.

So I told my mom she was coming over and this is how that conversation went:

Mom: I thought she wore a veil?

Me: Yeah she does.

Mom: Then how can she wear any of your clothes?

Me: She can wear normal clothes as long as they are modest. Like tunics or long shirts. She wears T-shirts and stuff. Just with a scarf.

Mom: That's weird. I thought she had to wear one of those black dress things.

Me: No one I know wears one of those. No she wears normal clothes.

Mom: Can she wear shorts?

Me: Um no, you can't show your legs.

Mom: That's ridiculous! How are shorts not modest?!

Me: I don't like shorts so I really don't care if you can wear them or not.

Mom: Ok, well have fun bye.

So this tells me a couple of things:

1) Mom still gets all her Islamic info from the news.

2) She thinks all muslim women who wear scarves also wear abayas even though I told her many times his sister wears normal clothes and mother wears shalwar kameez.

3) She has not read the copy of "Daughters of Another Path" that I left for her.

4) I am going to have more issues with this than I thought considering she got mad at me over shorts.

On top of that, I learned more about Pakistani Islamic culture. Although they are moving away from arranged marriages, it is still considered very bad to even know the person before you marry. Which seems silly because you should at least have a clue about someone before you marry them! My Love's parents were arranged and they do ok. Sis does not want that at all and they have agreed to not make their children have arranged marriages but once their child gets engaged thats it: they are getting married whether they are compatible or not. Now that seems really counter productive. If you find in the "getting to know you" process you are not compatible then you shouldn't get married. Or you will get divorced! Is crazy I tell you.

Scholars encourage you to get to know a potential spouse before marriage to avoid divorce and encourage you to be friends with your spouse. Muhammad was friends first with Khadijah before they married. Wouldn't you want to follow in the footsteps of the prophet? I would think so.

Cultures do not make sense sometimes....I know mine sure doesn't....this one doesn't either....

Bleh

Lent and Easter....for me

A lot of my friends were surprised that I am seeing some of my extended family for Easter. I was a bit taken a back by their surprise as it is a family thing. To me, holidays are far more than religion only events. They are both cultural and familial events that are often very important to parents. But I understand their questions, especially my muslim friends: If I don't believe Jesus is God, and I don't believe he died to absolve our sins then why am I observing Lent and Easter?

I had to ask this of myself. Especially since I started reading "Jesus Prophet of Islam" again. I won't go into much detail as to not offend my Trinitarian Christian readers, but the author goes into great depth in explaining how Jesus may not have been crucified. And the interesting part of it: This man's explanation made sense. It wasn't based on God magically switching Jesus or snatching him away at the last second, or barely based on God masking another person to look like Jesus. It made sense. And it made me wonder "what did I believe for that last 25 years?".

His book goes on to describe Paul's innovations to the Christian church. Let's just say I know where I stand 100% now. And its fascinating because it is exactly like what is happening in Islam and what happened to Islam after Muhammad passed. The Trinitarians destroyed (literally) all the Unitarians that came in their path. Much like some muslim groups are trying to destroy other muslim groups because they feel they are the "right path". Its so sad really. Especially since the muslim groups are much closer in belief than the Trinitarians and the Unitarians. And then of course the battle continued with the Catholics and the Protestants. So much death over debates of rules. Debates over the divinity of Jesus. This isn't what Jesus wanted. This isn't what Muhammad wanted. And the same thing happened to both religions: The minute the prophet died (or left the earth) men took over, made changes, and formed their own vendettas. I guess this sort of thing is human nature.

So then I reflect as to why I still choose to do Lent, why I want to go to Easter even though I am completely unclear as to what actually happened to Jesus. For one thing, I would feel horribly guilty if I decided that he was not crucified and he actually was. That I didn't recognize his suffering and thank him for it. But that seems more of a self preservation than a true belief.

So why then do I still want to do Lent?

Because I want to honor Jesus and the sacrifices he did make in his life time. Whether he died on the cross or not Jesus made a multitude of sacrifices so he could spread the word of God. And I want to use Lent to recognize him and thank him for all he did for mankind. Truly the greatest of hearts was sent to us to build a bridge between the first and the last.

So thank you Jesus, may God bless you and may you bring us all order on the last day.

Subhanallah

Name Game

Me: I like the name Zayn. Its not too middle eastern. You know our kids could turn out white right?

My Love: How about Ali?

Me: How is that NOT Middle eastern?

ML: Hamza?

Me: No

ML: Musa

Me: No

ML: Jaf'r.

Me: Definitely no. That makes me think of Jafar from Aladdin.

ML: Yes how about Aladdin! (he is actually serious).

Me: We are not naming our future child Aladdin.

ML: But...

Me: No. How about Jasmine?

ML: I don't like it.

Men are strange.........

God Help The Outcasts

God Help The Outcasts: The Hunchback of Notre Dame

I love this song. Its so beautiful it makes me tear up every time. She is singing a prayer to God to not help her, but all the outcasts of Paris like her even though she is most likely going to be put to her death by the evil Priest Frollo. If you haven't seen this movie you should. By far one of Disney's best works. And the art is amazing.

Enjoy

Prayer Schedule

I stopped doing the 5 daily prayers quite awhile ago for various personal reasons. I started too much too fast and ended up burning out. I'm ready to try again and I think a prayer schedule may help. The first time around I tried to do everything at once, including making up prayers, and it became too much for me. This time around I'm going to go slowly and follow steps like those below. These steps may not work exactly for those that are already muslim as you are required to make up prayers. But it should help. My thought is praying and missing a couple is better than not praying at all.

If anyone has suggestions I'd love to hear them. I am posting this here in hopes that Insha'Allah it can help others struggling with their 5 prayers.

1). Start with a prayer in the morning and one in the evening. I suggest doing Fujr for the morning, its nice and short. Just do this when you normally wake up, don't try to do it on time just yet. For the evening do a set of four rakat sometime after you get home from work. Do this for a week or so until it becomes natural and comfortable.

NOTE: If you do not have them memorized simply use a typed out direction sheet. Email me at inkblotsblueabayas (at) gmail.com if you need one (it will be Shia directions though but you can edit to fit Sunni directions). It won't take long before they are memorized.

2) Add another set of 4 rakat along with the prayer in the morning and evening. If you want, you can do this in the afternoon however most of us are not able to do that. You have the option, if you are Shia, to combine these two prayers. If you are Sunni I would suggest doing them separately since you will need to get use to doing them that way. This may take a couple weeks for it to become comfortable.

3) Once 3 prayers are comfortable add the 3 rakat prayer. Now we are getting tricky especially when you can't do a prayer in the afternoon to split them up. This will definitely take a few weeks or more to get use to. Try to split them up evenly to prevent getting overwhelmed. Do not worry about making them up, it will only cause more stress. Just keep trying till you can successfully do all four prayers without any frustration. Wait until they become part of your routine and life till you move to the next step.

4) Add the last 4 rakat prayer to your schedule. Now you have all 5. Concentrate on getting all 5 done in a day. Do not worry about whether or not they are on time. Do not worry about making up prayers. Only worry about getting them all into one day. This will take a long time. could take a couple of months. Once they become part of your life and you are comfortable with them you may move to the next step.

5) Work on praying on time. I find Fujr to be the easiest to pray on time so I will start with fujr. Some may find one of the evening prayers to be the easiest. Choose a prayer and make a conscious effort to pray it on time. Once you have done so move to the next and the next until all are roughly on time. You can concern yourself later with them being exactly on time. For example: Asr is not technically considered late until Maghrib time starts but you should pray Asr at the exact time it starts if you are able. So providing you pray Asr before Maghrib starts Asr is still considered on time. Start with this concept and then work up to praying exactly on time.

6) Make up prayers. You can start to worry about make up prayers once you have things relatively on time. If you find your self horribly stressing out over making them up, take a step back. Hopefully, you will have few to make up since you have already learned how to fit all 5 into your life and have learned how to roughly do prayers on time.

7) Pray exactly on time. Work on praying exactly at the time of day prayer is suppose to start. This is hard because we all work and often cannot pray during the day. Try to choose one prayer to pray exactly on time and work from there. This will take a long time and lots of effort.

Additional Suggestions (taken from the comments on this post):

1) Concentration. Remind yourself that you are speaking to Allah. Try doing the ayahs in arabic and then pausing to reflect on their meanings. You can also try envisioning something that reminds you of Allah, like the Ka'ba, to hold your focus.

2) Saying the Adhan is highly recommended before prayer. However, its one more thing that may overwhelm you. Instead, try using a recording before each prayer so you can stand back, get settled, and get focused.

3) There are computer wigits that offer "prayer alarms" that will play the Adhan at the right time everyday according to your zipcode. There are also Qur'an wigits which great.

4) Do not forget what the prayers mean. I suggest, once a week, that you read the English (or whatever is your native language) translation to remind yourself what you are saying. Women: This is a great thing to do while Aunt Flo is visiting. I try to do so at least twice a day during that time. Otherwise, its too hard to start praying again once the week is over. Try to keep your prayer routine during this week, it helps a lot.

If anyone has suggestions let me know. I think this is what I am going to do in order to work the prayers into my life.

How Much of Shariah Law Do You Have to Follow?

This is something I have been wondering for a long time. How much of Shariah Law are you required to follow? Or more so: In what way are you required to follow Shariah? I know a muslim should follow the Qur'an, follow the pillars, follow the prophet. But how much of our lives should be conducted by Shariah Law? This law was barely developed at the time of the prophet, he did not construct the Shariah Law we have today. So how do we know that this is what the prophet wanted the muslims to follow? Shariah Law is a combination of the Qur'an, Hadith, the Ulama, and fiqh (If you are Shia you would add the Imams to the list). Shariah is understood through the opinions of educated men on a variety of topics concerning the lives of muslims drawn from these sources. But how many of these "opinions", however extensively educated, are we to follow?

Now, I have to admit that the marjas have helped me to understand Shariah. But each one has their own opinion of what is and is not halal, haram, recommended, or not recommended. But they are helpful to look at for an answer. That is why you pick one, so you don't have five hundred opinions flying at you. Some have really great answers to questions and they really can show you that not all of Shariah Law is bad. Some of it is helpful and logical. Some of it is great and did amazing things for law in general around the world. Some of it changed the rights of women as well. But this doesn't mean that they have done away with rules that simply don't make a lot of sense. Or that seem to go against what the Qur'an and what the prophet taught. A lot of rules have multiple, and opposite, interpretations. I will give you a few examples.

A woman's hair must at least come to her shoulders. Anything shorter is haram. She must consult her husband if she even so much as wants to trim her hair. if he says no then she is not allowed to cut her hair. (You aren't suppose to have short hair because men have short hair and you will be imitating a man which is haram. But I'm pretty sure its my biology and not my hair that makes me female. Although I do think it is polite to ask your spouse what he/she thinks prior to making a big physical change. Not all marjas agree with this. Some think its fine providing it is not a man's haircut and its ok with your husband. Everyone says you are not allowed to shave off your hair....not sure why.)

Being stoned to death is considered the required punishment for adultery. (In the Qur'an it is lashing after excessive proof is given for the adultery. The lashing is also not suppose to kill the person. In some opinions, the punishment of stoning only applies to women).

One can eat food prepared by a Christian or a Jew providing the meat is halal or its vegetarian but cannot eat anything prepared by a someone who is not "of the book" (Hindu, Buddhist, etc.) That food is considered haram even if the meat is halal. (Some say it does not matter as long as the food is halal).

A muslim man may temporarily marry a Christian or a Jew but it is highly unrecommended that he permanently marry one. It is also highly unrecommended that a shia marry a sunni. (The Qur'an says a muslim man may permanently marry any person of the book, which of course would include other sects of Islam. There are a couple of marjas (such as Ayatollah Khomeni) who say marrying anyone other than a muslim is haram. Some say its not a problem at all providing the children are raised muslim. Above is Sistani's ruling).

Jews and Christians are commonly considered najis, although it is not improbable that they are Pak, but it is best to avoid them. -Sistani (The holy Qur'an says that Jews and Christians are part of the "People of the Book" and should be welcomed as part of the Ummah. Therefore, according to the Qur'an, there is no chance that they are najis. Sayyid Khameni and Fadlullah disagree with this statement and say they are Pak. This again belongs to Ayatollah Sistani. There are also views that Trinitarian Christians are not included in the "People of the Book" because they do not believe in "One God" even though they do)

This could go on forever so I will stop now. The opinions on music are ENDLESS. Same with women and their menstrual cycle. And food, clothes, movement, gatherings etc. I find this horribly stressful. I do not want to worry every five seconds wondering if what I am doing is haram. Its far too many rules for any one mortal person to handle. Plus, there are so many opinions. As you can see, the marjas can't even agree amongst each other.

So what do you all think? How much should Shariah Law govern the life of a muslim? Do we take it and follow without question or do we let it be a guide but ultimately make our own decisions?

Soraya

My job requires me to go through articles to find coverage on certain movies. Today I have Soraya M.

And I'm a bit livid.

These reporters really need to do their homework. They talk about how Shariah law is the "only way of life" for muslims and how they are required to allow it to conquer all aspects of Islamic life. How stoning is heavily supported by the Qur'an...um have you READ the Qur'an? Its not even in there! Most of these articles are opening condemning muslims and I got rather upset.

Till I got to DVD Talk's last paragraph:

by Brian Orndorf

I have some concern for the ultimate impact of "Stoning." The film doesn't make a strong enough case for the rest of Iran and other permutations of Islam that strongly reject these archaic practices. "Stoning" offers a slice of shocking, inhuman behavior, and some, if not all of the viewership might assume the worst about the greater populace. This film is a strong brew and should be viewed with a mind toward narrow dramatic intent, not catchall horrors summing up a nation of people. Digest it with some distance (not impossible, but a taxing effort), and "The Stoning of Soraya M." is an unforgettable snapshot of injustice that demands further examination.

http://www.dvdtalk.com/reviews/41277/stoning-of-soraya-m/

At least one of them realizes this is not a religious thing, nor is it an all encompassing thing that muslims agree upon. Its a government thing used mostly against women. Its about power, not God.

I really wanted to see this movie but I honestly don't think I can handle it. They stone her in the name of Allah (swt). I think I'd get ill from being so upset over this film.

Islam 101: Day 11 - Death by Fiqh

Fiqh and Shariah Law have officially killed my love of Islam. Which is funny since I just finished the Qur'an 2 days ago and loved it.

I went back to school today. What a disaster. We finally got into the fiqh over the period and I lost it. First, the packet was incorrect. It stated that it was haram to touch a Qur'an and the name of Allah written in any language. That is false. You can totally read and touch an English Qur'an you just can't touch the name of God regardless of the language. I pointed this out to the teacher (we had a sub) who after reading it more carefully realized it was incorrect. Skip two bullet points down and it says its RECOMMENDED not to touch an Arabic Qur'an or recite. NOT HARAM, just RECOMMENDED. So right then they have their information all messed up.

I lost it when we got to it being haram to enter, sit, walk through, or pass a Mosque on your period. This does not include prayer rooms or centers. So, devils advocate that I am, asked her if a man had a continuously bleeding wound would these rules apply to him. She said no because period blood is dirty and different from all forms of other blood. Now in my readings I learned that it WOULD apply to men as well. I asked her why period blood is different because many of my readings said a woman is allowed to enter a mosque. The teacher began getting flustered and saying I am reading the wrong things and need to stick to Shariah. AKA she had no clue why its "more dirty" than other blood.

I had to try so hard not to cry from the frustration. I was perfectly fine when I had come to the conclusion that you were allowed to enter a mosque and the same rules would apply to a man. Now I'm being told they do not. Islam preaches constantly about how scientifically advanced it is. Well then muslims how have you not seen what a period actually is and how it is NOT dirtier than any other blood? There is no excuse for this with the science we have we now know what it actually is! These rules were made back when no one knew why a woman bled so it was foreign and considered bad. Now we know and these rules need to be revamped. And if a man can enter a mosque bleeding then a woman sure can!

I think I'm done with school, at least until the fiqh class is over. Its caused me so much stress and pain. But I'm also starting to think I might be done with Islam. I can't follow rules that don't make sense. Dogs being more najis doesn't make sense, rules of the period don't make sense, all music being haram does not make sense, hadiths often do not make sense.....I can't follow things that do not make sense. And these rules, these laws, have overshadowed all the things I love about the religion. You can't be muslim and ignore Shariah. So I'm pretty sure I am not going to be able to be muslim, even if I believe in the core aspects of the religion.

Wanting to Jump Off The Hijab Wagon

Has this happened to any of you?

I've been having a rough month. Let's just say I've taken a break from a lot of things to reassess my current situation. And although good the frustration is making some things difficult.

Like modest dress. I don't know why because I hate wearing tight clothes, short skirts, and low cut tops but lately I am getting the urge to dress like the rest of the women at work. Partially its because I'm going into all the stores, seeing the summer fashion, and realizing I can't wear any of it. All it does is remind me of how hot I will have to be in the summer and how much I don't want to wear a scarf in 90 degree heat. How I want to wear short sleeves, no scarf, so I don't pass out (I get heat stroke easily) while walking through the city. I am horribly annoyed at my clothes, mostly because I am bored with them. Its winter outside, its 80 degrees inside my office. So I can't dress in winter fashion because I will boil in my office. Yet, its too cold outside to use spring fashion or wear a skirt. Its also too icy for heels. So I'm stuck with my basic long sleeve T, cardigan, and jeans. SO BORED.

Also, I never get compliments on my clothes anymore. Yes that is ridiculous and self centered but I don't. One of the girls will walk into work in her tiny dress and heels and everyone will be all "Oh you look so good! I love that outfit!" but that never happens to me anymore. I use to be the main fashionista of my old office, everyone asked me for fashion advice. Not anymore. My previous boss in my current office use to compliment my outfits all the time, but she too dressed modestly. Now I only get compliments if I'm around muslimahs. Why this frustrates me I don't know, I'm a bit ashamed to admit to it myself.

I think it boils down to the fact that I sometimes feel its unnecessary in the US to dress as modestly as hijab requires, especially in the summer. Women run around half naked in the summer. And its ok. They wear bikini tops and shorts on the train for crying out loud! Tiny shorts, tanks, etc. So I feel rather modest in my t-shirt and linen pants, my maxi dress and short sleeved cardigan, and overly modest in my ubber wide leg jeans, shirt, and cardigan with a scarf. It seems unnecessary and attracts so much attention simply because the norm in the summer is so far away from hijab. Now is this a good reason to not do hijab: not really. But it does make some sense. I think I will always be on the side of modesty needing to be relative to your culture.

I feel like I'm having a mid-life crisis. Maybe a mid-religion crisis. The scarf and I no longer have a good relationship, my feelings about how necessary it is have changed. I still think its pretty, I love what it stands for, but I am having issues with it being necessary for my everyday life. Modesty is relative to where you live. Of course, My Love wants me to wear it and is not happy that I'm leaning toward not doing so anymore. But he doesn't understand: Hijab and scarf are two different things. Then again, a lot of women will say it is. I don't know like I said mid-religion crisis.

Once the maxi dresses hit the shelves I'll feel better.

Maybe this is just the beginning of the end.

If you can't say anything nice.....

People need to take their opinions and shove it!

You think its bad to look nice in hijab? Good for you then look ugly. But if it makes someone feel better about wearing hijab then that is a POSITIVE. Is their nice looking hijab hurting you? No. Is it hurting the religion? No. is it helping the image of the religion? Most likely yes.

So what is the problem?

Does it hurt you that "Susy" prefers color over black? No. Is color against the religion? No. Is looking presentable against the religion? No.

So what is the problem?

Dont like how someone got married even though its within the laws of Islam? Yes. Is their marriage hurting you? No. Are your comments telling them that they are bad people going to change the fact they married? No. Are you perfect? No. Then guess what: keep your mouth shut and let them be happy.

Are you perfect like the prophets? No. Are you sinless and guided like the Imams? No. Are you God? Definitely no.

Then who are you to judge?

Square Scarf?

This is kinda random but I am now on a mission. A mission to find a light blue cotton square scarf. Emphasis on COTTON. That has been the problem. Chiffon will not be good when its hot, nor will satin because it is slippery. Silk is nice but then I need an underscarf and its back to hot.

I can't find any. Anyone know where you can find cotton square scarves? Or the awesome triangles ones! That is what a friend of mine wears but she says you have to get them from India or Pakistan :(.

Any suggestions?