I had tafseer first, and as I explained in the previous post we covered verses 1-7 of Surah Bin'Israel. I was so glad I brought my Qur'an that has the transliteration. They do everything in Arabic. But what is odd about that is I'm pretty sure the two boys (who were sitting in because there teacher did not show) really didn't understand the surah in arabic, even though they could read it. Luckily, Sister A had me read it in English out loud after they read it in Arabic which seemed to help the discussion. I also got to hear Sister A recite. So beautiful, it brought tears to my eyes. What a blessed talent she has. But it made me wonder: Are women not allowed to recite? The girls never read the Du'as, only the boys.
Then we had prayer. I now have prayer directions written out line by line so I can follow along. They worked great for Dhur but not so good for Asr. In Asr, instead of saying "Subhannallah, Subhannallah, Subhannallah" they said something that went "Subhannallah something something Muhammad". I was so confused. And then there were extra du'as and they didn't end either prayer with the 3 Allahu Akbars. I was so lost and frustrated. They also go REALLY fast. I can't even read the page that fast! It makes prayer look so hard, I'm not sure I will be able to get it.
After prayer, we congratulated a seven year old boy for completeing the Qur'an for the first time. Mash'Allah how wonderful for him at such a young age. Alhumdillah, he read the du'a for completing the Qur'an in arabic so beautifully. Then he recited in english just as well. It moved me to see this little boy so enthralled and dedicated to his religion. At seven, he has read his holy book. I don't even know any other Christians besides myself who have read their holy book. And at seven this young boy has completed such an amazing task. May Allah bless him and his efforts.
Br. S's class consisted of a test which I could not take. It was so embarrassing I knew nothing! I was amazed by the students during the test. They take their classes so seriously. You would not see students taking CCD classes so seriously. These kids studied and actually care if they get the answers right. Its amazing to see how important their faith is to them even in their teens when it is usually the most unstable. I want faith to be that important to my child. I want being religious to be encouraged, not discouraged.
I then met up with Sister N at lunch. We talked about all sorts of things. I have come to learn a few things:
Many find art being haram absurd
Many find not all music to be haram. It being haram has to do with context and content which I 100% agree with. If the music promotes haram actions or makes you want to booty shake with a man on a dance floor, it is most likely haram.
Many agree that hijab is a process or trial and error. You will not be perfect at it right away and that it would be really difficult to try to wear hijab in a office if you had previously been working there. Allah appreciates your efforts and good intentions.
She told me a story of her friend who was Hindu but converted to Islam. She didn't tell her parents till she converted and the results were terrible. They teased her, shunned her, were awful to her. She worked at a family business and they were always trying to get her to take off her hat (she used hats so they wouldn't suspect her) or to dress less modest. Finally, because she could not take it, she quit her job. Later, her family called, apologized, and hired her back. Sister N told me this story to show she agreed that allowing your parents to get use to the concept of converting gradually is much better than dumping on them all at once. Insha'Allah she is right.
I'm not feeling as much of an Iman high right now. I'm feeling really unsure at the moment. I dunno what to do. I also think I'm worrying about whether or not I can do this if I don't get married. I think a friend's situation is making me worry about this and its clouding the good stuff. I just don't know if I could do this without his constant support. With his support gone, it could be nearly impossible. And there is always a chance his parents will freak and he will not stand up for me. Nothing I can do then but hope I definitely made the right decision; because in an event like that, I'm totally on my own.
I just have to wait. There was a lot of talk today about Allah being the best of planners. How we need to do our part, work our hardest, try our hardest, and leave the rest up to Allah. Now, you know I believe a lot happens at random but I do think there are some things that are ultimately up to Allah. My choice is up to Allah, I must wait for Him to tell me what to do. I must continue to study, to try hard, and hopefully soon Allah will reward me with an answer. Insha'Allah it will be one that allows me to be happy, full-filled in religion, and marry my My Love.
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InshAllah you will make good friends in Islam. I think it's really important because they provide the support we need during many of these difficult times. It can't all be left to the husband, it's too much, and as you say - what if something goes wrong and you don't have the husband there, or he doesn't support you in something. I pray this won't be the case for you, inshAllah it won't be. But life is never 100% sure. So, yes, my advice is look for and gradually build strong, genuine friendships with strong, practicing and kind people....perhaps some who are older than you (not sure how old you are, lol). Best wishes.
ReplyDeleteMs M: Yes I agree and I am doing so. Sister N is my age (mid 20s) but my teacher Sister A has been wonderful as well. And I am making friends with a couple of the other teachers as well who are older than I. Everyone has been lovely, I hope to gain good friends from there. I hope to keep them even if I do not become muslim. Even if I choose not to convert, Islam will always have a special place in my heart for what it has given me and allowed me to see. I am a better person for my studies and for the people I have met. Insha'Allah all will be well.
ReplyDeleteIt is already too much for My Love and we are not even married yet. I want to lessen the burden of my questioning. The ladies have helped a great deal with that. Instead of asking him, I can now ask them. This helps not to put such a strain on him. Mash'Allah he now only helps me with basics like prayer structure, no more hadiths and philosophy. It was stressing him out too much.
*hugs* I'm sorry you're having a bad day of any sort.
ReplyDeleteYour class still sounds good for you, and maybe for the others in it, if your presence will force the English version to be read. Because, maybe (I've heard of this happening) the emphasis is on recitation, not actual understanding of what they're reading in Arabic.
Oh! *raises hand* I've read the Bible through several times. So, now you know someone else. :) (I've also read the Qur'an through, twice, and a bunch of other religious texts, including the Egyptian Book of the Dead, but that's just me...)
I'm glad to hear those kids were so dedicated to learning their faith. I really think, though, that it has a lot to do with the parents and their willingness to be involved in the childs education. I have kids in my class who are very dedicated to their religious studies, and they're the children whose parents are involved, both at the church and at home. The others, it's an uphill battle, becuase the parents aren't sending them to class for the right reasons. I'm certain that the same holds true in Islamic schools as well. :)
As for Your Love and your faith...I wish I knew what to tell you. If Islam is right for you, then it's something you will have to be able to do on your own. Even if you do get married, what if his faith falters? What if he goes through a period of low faith? You would have to be able to stand up on your own, for yourself *and* him, and any children you had. I know you're not considering Islam *for* him, and, in my humble opinion, your faith almost needs to stand separate from his.
Amber: haha I knew YOU read the Bible, I mean people not in my internet life. LOL
ReplyDeleteMash'Allah you have dedicated kids and parents in your class. I did not experience this in CCD. Most of the kids hated it. But I admit, it wasn't as fun as your class sounds. It was a lot of here is the text book read it.
I will make it clear that my interest in Islam is not solely based on My Love. Its not. You DO NOT go through all this work for a man, its so not worth it. I am completely willing to not marry him if I think it will not work. God is too important to me. Would it have taken me a lot longer to have discovered Islam without him; yes. But I think I would have found it eventually. I have just been able to learn so much so quickly because of him. And yes you are right my faith MUST stand on its own....I need to go do another post now...wow lots of posts today but I gotta talk about this one now that you mentioned the need to stand on your own *runs off to post*
Whew! Long post. Let me break down my thoughts by paragraph.
ReplyDeleteFirst Paragraph: At least in my experience, women generally try to avoid reciting Qur'an when men are present because it is so much like singing (men might focus too much on the actual sound of her voice instead of the words, but this can happen to anyone regardless of who is reciting it). Reciting the Qur'an in a normal voice (i.e. without a melody) is okay, though.
Second paragraph: Hmm, praying like that doesn't sound familiar to me at all. Whenever I pray, and at all the masjids that I have been to, asr prayer is prayed exactly the same as dhuhr prayer. I've also never ended prayers with 3 ALLAHu Akbars; it's always ended with turning your head to your right and left and saying "Assalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullah". Sorry for my ignorance in this question/if this sounds rude at all, but is this how Shi'a Muslims pray?
Paragraph 3: Masha'Allah, such dedication from only a seven year-old! When I was seven I barely knew the basics of Christianity, let alone read the entire Bible. Even as an almost-20-year-old I still haven't read the entire Bible. Insha'Allah I should do that someday, if only for educational purposes.
Paragraph 4: Masha'Allah for those teenagers. I'm with you; when I was in Sunday School as a teenager I was nowhere near as dedicated (of course by that point I had already made up my mind to become a Muslim, so Christian Sunday School wasn't of much interest to me anyway). Insha'Allah all our children will be dedicated and grow to love their religion for their own sake, not just because their parents tell them to or force them to learn about it.
Paragraph 5: That's good to know that the people at your masjid are open to different opinions on the subject of art and music. For me personally (and this is just my opinion), I think drawing living things is okay, but to be on the safe side I try to draw only part of the body (there is an opinion to leave out "essential body parts" on the drawing, or parts that living things couldn't live without in real life, so if ALLAH does ask us to bring life into our drawings on the Day of Judgement it wouldn't be possible, not only because humans can never give anything life, but also because it would be physically impossible for the being to have life anyway because of its missing parts). I also believe that not all music is haram, but I am trying to cut back on listening to it because I want to devote more time listening to Qur'an (also, I think it would be much more beneficial to have Qur'an "stuck" in my head than a song stuck in my head!)
Paragraph 6: Good advice.
Paragraph 7 and 8: Don't worry about not being on an "Iman high" right now. Iman intensity waxes and wanes, but as long as you still have iman it's all good. I don't really have any answers for what to do about your Love (since I've never been in love nor in a situation like this), but it's true that ALLAH is the Best of Planners. Insha'Allah I truly hope that in your life you will be a happy, faithful Muslim with you and your Love living together in marital bliss. :)
LK, You may have not met any Christians offline who have read the entire Bible, but you have met at least one online. You have even met one who no longer reads the New Testament in any language but the original, and has made a start on learning the original languages to be able to read the Old Testament too. This all didn't happen at age 7 due to being raised in an unbelieving family, but only started sometime after conversion at age 15. The original language didn't happen until about 28 years later. Oh well. Better late than never :) And indeed - it's one of the best things that ever happened in that person's life.
ReplyDeletebanana anne: LOL it was long huh? haha well this blog is also a place so I can catalogue what happens and look back on it. Its a good reminder to me of my issues and my likes.
ReplyDeleteShias do not greet the angels on their shoulders. So yes it is different. They do a salutation, just not in exactly the same way. Honestly Im not sure what was going on. It gets a bit hectic when most of the room is under the age of 12 and they have a really hard time paying attention to do both prayers. And Br S does indeed insert a Du'a between the two prayers, which is not what you do at home when you combine. There is nothing wrong with it, but it confuses someone trying to learn the basics.
Thank you for your good wishes :)
Caraboska: Oh online there are lots of people who have read the Bible which is wonderful. Even the Qur'an talks about having knowledge of both the Torah and the Bible. I think it is important to read them all to see where one's religion came from and where it is going.