This is my second year going into Easter after studying Islam. It wasn't so bad this second time around. I realized right away I couldn't really participate. Its not like at Christmas. They are mostly songs and prayers of "YAY Jesus is here!" which Unitarian and Muslim wise is totally fine. Christmas is easy. Its just Jesus' birthday. But Easter is rough. I basically just sat or stood and took it all in. I observed. And it was the first time in a long time I enjoyed church. I wasn't trying to make myself believe anything anymore. I took it in for what it is: a beautiful expression of faith. Church is really a beautiful thing. If you've never been I highly recommend sitting in on a service. Its quite lovely. But I know I don't belong there. And I'm not going to ever be able to go back to trinitarian christianity. Even with my belief in the crucifixion, Easter mass was too difficult. So much praying to Jesus!
The priest actually talked about the people who believe the crucifixion didn't happen. His reasoning for why this has to be false was rather amusing. His reasoning was that St. Peter, St. Paul (not the apostle) and the rest of his followers were uneducated, simple, men who were mostly fishermen. They did not have the capacity to make up such an elaborate story! Which made me want to go: So Muhammad (as) simple, unlearned man who worked in the trade business. Not a writer, or an overly educated being. Just a regular man. And he alone brought the entire Qur'an. So shouldn't that mean, Mr. Priest, that the Qur'an is also true? Hmmmm? :)
I have gotten to the point where I consider myself Unitarian Christian. But I am not nearly ready to come out as a muslim. Its still hard for me to accept the immense responsibilities. So many things that weren't sins instantly become sins (Not being clothed head to toe, eating non halal foods, praying on your period, missing prayers, interaction with the opposite sex etc). So much added responsibility. Plus I realized how hard it could be with family who will never understand.
One step at a time.
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I find myself cringing at things I hear said in churches, but that same can be said for some khutbas I've heard in a mosque, Its hard being torn in 2 different directions isn't it?
ReplyDeleteStacy: It sure is
ReplyDeleteThis is precisely why I am a 'Biblist' (Christianity's answer to Islam's 'Qur'anist'). The Qur'anist believes only in the Qur'an as binding - not the hadith; the Biblist believes only in the Bible as binding - not any Church tradition.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, even if I believe Jesus is God and cannot understand how anyone could think that this is anything but simple and logical, it still bugs me when people pray to Him, because He told us how to pray in the Gospels: to 'our Father', i.e. God, in Jesus' name. If Jesus says I should pray that way, then who am I to do otherwise?
Caraboska: I always wondered that too. He said to pray to God...its strange.
ReplyDeleteLK, I've gotten past wondering. I just maintain no formal church membership, go to a Quaker Meeting when I'm at my folks' place (no Meetings where I live), and pay attention to what the Bible says. There are those who take a dim view of this, even take a dim view of my learning the original languages to read the Bible for myself - because they think that I'm not showing proper faith in and submission to God's 'ordained authorities'. Do I look like I care?
ReplyDeleteThe fact of the matter is that I find many things annoying about the visible Church. It is not easy to remain a Christian in such times as these. But it is possible. I may have mentioned elsewhere that the huge emphasis on the Eucharist in many churches makes them vulnerable to the problem of worshiping God's benefits instead of God Himself. That I hear entirely too little asking of the question 'Which religion gives the most honor to God?' as the basis for conversion. But I still maintain that it is possible to ask this question and be a Christian.
And I worry that people who have ceased to identify as such, perhaps out of annoyance at the same things I find annoying, may be throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
I find Christianity and the Bible much less confusing now that I have learned more about what it means to truly have only one God. One book that helped me a lot in this was 'The Way to Love' by Anthony DeMello SJ. Being around Muslims has drawn a lot of attention to this issue (How could it be otherwise?). It's much easier to pick one's way through the mess and see how various things that don't make sense really are manifestations of idolatry, know quite quickly what to take and what to leave.
But there really is 'something left over'. The way is very narrow, but it is there. One has to be really set on having only one God. Even at the expense of one's ego which would like to take even a wee bit of credit for earning one's salvation (all the while swearing up and down that it is worshiping only one God), instead of acknowledging the truth that one cannot earn it even a little bit.
Many people think that either we are fearfully trying to earn our way to heaven, or we are just doing whatever we damn well please and taking zero responsibility for our actions. I now see that this is the thinking of unbelievers. For the believer will do what is right because they believe, and what we believe by nature influences our behavior - for better or for worse. We can see what we really believe in by our behavior.
There is that third way. We do not need to be motivated either by fear or desire - even if everyone else around us is. We don't have to care what anyone else is doing or thinking or saying except for God. He is God. It is His view that counts. He sees all things. Even the secrets of our hearts that we do not see.
Walking that third way can leave one very isolated, with a feeling of not being able to communicate with others. But Jesus walked it, and he wants us to walk it too...
wow I can identif with this ladies! the feeling of being extremely torn!
ReplyDeleteAnd it seems it is happening a lot - look at the case of Ann Holmes Redding who was a practising (episcopalian?) minister, who converted to islam while maintaining she was also Christian.. hmm a confusing mix.
you know what.. i'm going to blog on this! Because this deserved a little more time! Feel free to stop on and have a read :D
peace,
Pamela
Yes, Ann Holmes Redding was a minister at the Episcopal cathedral in Seattle until she was defrocked. I met her actually some time before she became a Muslim, while visiting the cathedral with an old friend of mine. I have a book that she co-authored, entitled 'Out of Darkness into Light'.
ReplyDelete