I wear modest clothing, I only eat halal meat, I read the Nahjul Balagha to calm me, and I pray twice a day. I also want a Q'uran more than anything and I have a new obsession with abayas. Yes I am aware that there is A LOT more to a muslimah than the things I just mentioned and that I am no where near being one. That doesn't mean that I don't get the urge to salaam a sister when I see her walk past but I can't because she would think I'm crazy. What it does mean is that deep down I know I'm not Christian and that as of right now I am nothing. And being in religion limbo is no good. So I cling to my interest in Islam. It is my last resort.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Sometimes I forget that I'm not a muslim
It's true. I really do forget sometimes. So much of my life is lived like a muslimah's that I often forget I am not one. I think part of it is because deep down I know what I want but I'm not ready yet and neither is my family. But there is that longing deep inside that says I already know what is good for me.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
sister, as i am going to call you that because god knows what is in your heart. i am the same in what you feel... as i said, god knows your intensions and what's in your heart... that is what's important!
ReplyDeleteI too am not ready to take the shahada but i still pray to allah (swt) to forgive me for past sins etc. and every sister will tell you that its whats in you heart that matters
:)
ReplyDeleteWell sister, perhaps what is in your heart is what makes you a true muslim.
*hugs*
I know how you feel. It was different, but it was the same about not wanting to be in religion limbo... You'll figure out your answer, whether it's Islam or something else like simply following God without organized religion. Even within Islam, I feel like I follow God how I need to.
ReplyDeleteHope you find your way!
Thanks Candice!
ReplyDelete