Sis

I keep pacing around my apartment waiting for the clock to hit 1.  I've ironed my cotton tunic and wide leg jeans about three times, choosing the tunic over my go to long sleeved shirt and trapeze dress since it turned out to be really hot.  Gotta leave now, gotta meet them.  I hope she doesn't think Im ridiculous.

I get out to the train way before they do.  I wait, hoping she won't look at me like "And what do you want with my brother?".  They come around the corner and I see her for the first time.  She's incredibly tiny in a navy-blue t-shirt and jeans with a black hijab that has the cutest lace edging.  She constantly tosses the loose end over her shoulder as she walks.  She smiles at me with the biggest grin and I smile back.

My love smiles at me with his kind eyes.  "This is my sister."

We exchanged pleasantries and headed to the train and the art museum.  We walked around and I pointed out various pieces I had learned about in school.  I explained the Christian artwork to them, why there was so much gold, and how come churches had to be so tall back then.  We wandered through the Egyptian exhibit and then Buddhist where I pointed out the different kinds of Buddhas and their purposes (I studied Buddhism for three years before Islam).  His sister was quiet and so was I, not sure of what to say.  We tried chatting about schools, anime, and picked on My Love of course.  

I found it interesting, walking around with a hijabi, that not once did anyone stare at her or say anything unkind.  No one even noticed.  And that made me feel better about hijab.  That maybe it wouldn't be so hard after all.

All in all it was a nice day and as I watched them go off after promising to make her my facebook friend I smiled broadly.  I think, once we get to know each other, we will be good friends.  I hope so, not just because she is his sister, but because I like her as a person.  She is laid back, fun, and doesn't take life too seriously.

One big step down, another to go.  Next the mosque and THE PARENTS. O_O

I have a Hijabi Tan-Line

And its freakin hysterical.

I just noticed it.  The only part of me thats somewhat tan is my neck to just below the clavicle (the bones at the base of your neck) and my face.  My lower arms are a little tan too.

Yes I wear hijab without the scarf and have been doing so for way over a year.  I'd say 80% of the time my clothes is exactly as it should be but sometimes I wear short sleeves that come to the elbow.  I was doing this unintentionally before I really started studying Islam.  Its just the way I prefer to dress.  And its not so hot in the summer if you wear the right clothes.  My wide sleeved cardigans are definitely my favorite summer accessory.  

Teehee the whiteness is so blinding!  Wow I'm way too amused by this.  Bedtime.

Oh and its official  MEETING THE SISTER TOMORROW!

Adhumdulilah!

Change my Name!? No Way!

"I thought you might want to, you know, since a lot of people do." My Love looked at me taken aback as I stared at him with tears in my eyes.

"Why on earth would I want to change my name!? It's not like its a requirement..." I couldn't believe he thought I might actually want to change my name.

"Changing your name is really common with reverts is all. Its like developing a new sense of identity within the religion. Its like getting a new name because you are reborn. I didn't mean anything by it...I like your name...Its fine, forget about it..."

"But you want me to."

"I like your name. But think about it. Maybe think about adding a name?"

I stared at him with slitted, annoyed anime eyes. " My name would be five names long. Two first, one middle, two last."

"Two last?"

"I'm hyphenating." I looked at him, his face still shocked by my reaction. I could tell he was ready for me to start sobbing. "I'll think about it. But I'm not changing my first name. If they can't pronounce it, too bad. I don't want to give up everything about my current self. Its like my identity."

"Ok. I'm sorry."

So I will think about it. Providing the name has significance and sounds ok with the rest of my names....wonder if I can use Ali....

I'm not Arab, I'll never be Arab. I will always be white and I'm keeping my white name. So there. I do not want to change everything about myself to "fit" into the Islamic culture. I want to be me, only the muslim version. That is all.

I Got My Abaya!

fWOOOOO!

So my abaya is here and I'm super excited. Its sooo pretty and soft. I bought this one from Desertstore.com. The quality is amazing and the shipping is really well priced. Just be prepared to wait 3 weeks for your abaya.

I also ordered some instructional books. The books I ordered are meant for kids but seemed perfect for me. They even have drawings on how to pray! I got My Prayer Book, My Wudu Book, and My Tawheed Book. I also got Veiling and Unveiling and an instructional booklet on How To Pray according to the Sunnah.

Once my mom goes home I can actually try my abaya on! I can't wait to wear it.

Getting Antsy

I'm trying so hard not to ask him everyday.  I'm trying not to be all "When? WHEN?"  But I want to meet them, I want to get it over with so I can stop being so nervous.  I'm also excited but it is nerve-racking knowing that his parents are not going to be thrilled with me since I'm not a Muslim.  I have a feeling we are waiting to make plans until his sister returns from Pakistan.  I am to meet her first since she and I have so much in common.  My Love would like her and I to be good friends.

I just know that meeting all of them is going to change my life.  It should be a good change and it should further my education in Islam.  I'm just antsy to get started.

On another note I got my stuff from 2Hijab.  Their cotton scarves are ubber soft and their shipping is fast!  The hijab safety pins are so cute!  I also got arm covers (which I wanted a long time ago because I hate wearing tons of layers) and they are awesome.  They come a couple inches above the elbow and totally stay up.

Well off to work.  

Women Imams

This is from Mind of a Muslima's blog which can be viewed here

WIDE ANGLE cameras are on location in Morocco as history is made. In May 2006, an imam academy in the city of Rabat holds a graduation ceremony. But the class of 2006 is no ordinary group of students. Side by side with the male graduates are 50 women pioneers, among the first contemporary group of women to be officially trained as religious leaders in the Arab world. Empowered to do everything that male imams do — except lead Friday prayer in a mosque — the women will fan out across Morocco to work as spiritual guides in mosques, schools, hospitals, and prisons, even hosting their own television and radio talk shows.

 You can view the special here

I am just amazed that it is true.  The Catholic Church is the only religion I have been able to find that does not allow women to become leaders in their religion.  Talk about inequality.  I think its fantastic that all these wonderful women want to become Imams.  I sure would feel more comfortable discussing certain things (like blending American and Islamic wedding traditions, fasting, and women's issues) with a woman who understands what I go through everyday.  

Grad School YAY No More Head Scarf Boo!

I have been reading "Daughter's of Another Path" which covers the experiences of converts in America (I'll post more about the book later).  What struck me in this book is that almost all of the women, when they began to wear the veil, had to quit their jobs or could not find one.  Mind you, this book was written in the early nineties but its still a sad realization.  Most of these women were well educated, some even with a masters degree.  This worries me because I am considering returning to school for a masters in teaching.  I don't want to begin wearing hijab, graduate, and then find myself unemployed because of a scarf.  My Love says that if it causes that great a burden and a compromise cannot be made (such as the use of a hat instead of a scarf) then one is allowed to take it off because God doesn't want you to suffer.  But he admits he would be sad for me because he knows I would not want to take it off.  I would be sad too.  And angry.  We live in a free country for a reason.  Church (or mosque) and state are suppose to separate so that these types of discriminations do not happen!  A Jewish man can wear a kippah, a Sikh can wear a turban but a muslima still cannot wear a scarf in the workplace (just noticed both examples are men.  Coincidence I think not!).  I know that I would have parents pulling there kids out of my class, fearing that I will spread my Islamic disease upon their precious children.  I know that many schools would not hire me our of fear of backlash from parents and society.  Its easier to avoid an issue instead of attempting to deal with it.

 I don't want to take it off once I've started wearing it.  But God will forgive me if I have to in order to support myself.

Oh sad face :(

Insha'Allah I'm Going to a Mosque!

YAY!

So I may get to go to a mosque soon.  I'm SO EXCITED!  I've been wanting to go to one for years but I can't just walk into one all by my lonesome.  I would have absolutely no idea what to do and would totally make a fool of my myself.

This is how going to the mosque transpired.  I've known My Love for about 2 years and I told my parents about him and my interest in Islam about 3 months after he and I realized we wanted to be more than friends.  I have since then had many tough discussions with my parents.  My dad is cool about it (although insists that My Love is the only reason I am thinking of becoming Muslim right now) but my mother still has the mentality that Muslims worship Muhammad (PBUH) as a god and Allah is not the same as God.  She is obviously a bit more difficult to deal with.

Their biggest issue is that in almost a year of being interested in each other I have not met his parents.  I brought this up to him one day, relaying that I too was beginning to feel disrespected because he was hiding me from his parents.  He agreed and apologized.  A week later he mentioned to his mother that he had a female friend interested in Islam and wanted to introduce her to his sister.  Mom flipped out.  You see, My Love's family has had many bad experiences with Muslim men marrying converts.  It always ends badly.  She jumped right to marriage and how hard it would be.  She put major emphasis on how love clouds people's judgement and that would have to be the only reason this girl (me) would want anything to do with Islam.  But after a day or two she calmed down and suggested he take me to a mosque.

So this is where the mosque comes in.  With the month of Ramadan fast approaching there will be many opportunities to hear speakers at the mosque.  My Love wants me to go with him and his family to at least one.  I'm so excited and so glad I bought an abaya!  I bought this one from Desert Store when I heard he was going to mention me to his parents:

http://www.desertstore.com/modest-clothing/embroideries-black-caftan-1200.html

BTW really cheap abayas at this store.  I can't wait for this to show up!

SO EXCITED....wonder what scarf I should wear.....

Welcome

As Salaam Alaikum

Hello all! Welcome to my blog!

This really is a place to gather my thoughts but I am hoping that my thoughts may be a use to others as well. Here's the story in a nutshell:

When I was only a small girl I had major surgery performed. I wondered " Why did God plan for me to have such a painful experience so young? What did I do to be punished in such a way?"

And thus began my contemplation of Fate and the presence of God. I began with studying Christianity but much of it didn't make sense to me. I couldn't understand the division of an absolute being or an absolute being having a son. I also found it confusing to follow a book that was allowed to change over time. Tampering with the Bible was actually ALLOWED. So I thought how can a book that has changed numerous times be the direct word of God? I won't go into my theory of fate but lets just say if fate exists and we do something bad then we are being punished for something God planned for us to do. If God punishes us for something He planned for us to do then God is being unjust. So fate makes God unjust....WTF mate?!

Anywho....

College allowed me to study many other religions and philosophy. I took rather well to Buddhism. My only issue was that Buddhism isn't directly connected to the Abrahamic God and I very much wanted God to be a part of my life. I have always been a religious person, even if Christianity didn't always agree with me. God was necessary for my life and I wanted to find a way to be closer to God.

It was moving far from home to a big city that changed my perspective. I met a dear friend at my first job in my new place who happened to be Muslim. As we discussed our religions I found that my personal viewpoints aligned almost parallel to the concepts of Islam. And my studying began.

Ja ne (that's Japanese for goodbye),

~LK